On IKEA, testing and bruises

 

Sandy 

George

You're looking a bit tired today.

Tired's not the half of it.  Jean had me up at 5 this morning.

Why's that?

She had to get to the front of the queue at IKEA.

Of course - they opened again today.  What was it you needed?

We didn't need anything.  Jean wanted to be there for the occasion.

Histgory being made.

That's it.  She thought she'd get a couple of tea lights.

That's nice.

Came out with a chest of drawers, a wardrobe, a dining room suite and a shower curtain.

Is it all self-assembly?

Not the shower curtain.

What about the tea lights?

She forgot them.  We've got to go back tomorrow for them.

That'll keep you busy.  I remember when you tried to put that furniture up at the cricket club.  Took you 2 years.   You kept saying the pieces were the wrong size.

Well they were.

So you'd cut off a bit.

Aye.

And the next piece wouldn't fit.

No, it wouldn't.

So you'd saw that down too.

Aye. And the next bit...

... had to be cut down too.  I don't see the point your making here.  It's a lovely stool.

Aye, but we started out looking for a bench.  

Well, at least we had a good heap of sawdust for the bowlers' footholds.

Speaking of sawdust, Trump could have used some this week?

Trumpy, how?

Did you not see that video of him going down a ramp?  Looked like he was going to go arse over tip at any time.

No.

Well, everybody says it's cause he's past it. But he says it's because the ramp was too slippy.

Sawdust could have helped.

Exactly.  Maybe you should get in touch.  Say you'll put up a bench for him.  He'd have plenty sawdust then.

He's some boy that Trumpy. 

He is you know he says now that the only reason that America has all these virus cases is because they test so many folk.  Says if they weren't testing they wouldn't have so many cases.

That's just like my bowling.

Eh?

The only reason I have so many runs against me is the scoring.  If we weren't scoring, my bowling average would be considerably better.

Well maybe you can raise that with him when you're making his bench for him.

So are you all set for next week?

Aye, the pubs'll be opening.

Not the pubs.  Cricket practice should be starting.

I'm not too sure about that.  What with my knee.

What do you mean?  You've played with that knee for years.

And my shoulder.

Hasn't stopped you bowling.

Then there's my ankle.

You got that fixed.

This is my other ankle..... and my other shoulder.

What about your other knee?

Aye, it's all bruised too.  I was at the doctor with it.  He looks at the bruises and says, 'Do you play football?'  I says, 'No'.  'Hockey?' he says.'No,' I says.  'Well.' he says, 'with bruises like that you must have been playing something.'  'Aye,' I says, 'only bridge with Jean'.