Saturday, 26 July 2014

Freedom Come All Ye

Some things inspire even a tired old medium pacer like Fantasy Bob.

So come all ye at hame wi Freedom,
Never heed whit the hoodies croak for doom
In your hoose a' the bairns o Adam
Can find breid, barley-bree and painted room.

A verse from the great song Freedom Come All Ye, sung with compelling effect at the opening of the Commonwealth Games by Pumeza Matshikiza

She, and the song, put the shameful efforts of Rod Stewart, John Barrowman and Karen Dunbar firmly in their place. Test Match Quality.

In a perfect world - where rain never stops play and all batsmen walk - Freedom Come All Ye would be the national anthem - not of Scotland - for it is explicitly anti the concept of nation - but of all nations.

Hamish Henderson
Freedom Come All Ye was written by Hamish Henderson in 1960 to the tune the Bloody Fields of Flanders. Henderson was a major figure in the revival of interest in Scottish Folk music and culture in the second half of the last century - many suggest he is the most important Scottish poet since Burns. 

That may be so, but the sad fact is that his work does not include much of interest to the cricketer. Freedom, justice, equality, human dignity are common themes, but seam bowling is absent.

This oversight is a bit surprising, for Henderson in his younger years would certainly have had much opportunity to gain familiarity with the great game. 

Cricket Pavilion - Dulwich College
Although born to modest circumstances in Blairgowrie, he gained a scholarship to Dulwich College, a slightly posh public school in London.   There is a long and proud tradition of cricket at Dulwich College - PG Wodehouse, whose time at the College preceded that of Henderson's by a couple of decades, commented that cricket was one of the major strengths of the school.   There is a suggestion that term “Cow Corner” originated here -  the scholars thinking that because few proper cricket shots are aimed to this part of the field, fielders are rarely placed there  which lead them to suggest that cows could happily graze in that area. 
(FB is unconvinced by that derivation - in lower league cricket with which FB is familiar the opposite is of course the case. It is one of the most busy parts of the field.  It is cow corner after the agricultural nature of the shots that put the ball there.)
Henderson could have done some sterling work investigating this important etymological issue, but declined the opportunity.  Dulwich has produced a number of prominent cricketers.  Most recently, England Test players Eoin Morgan and Chris Jordan have been students at Dulwich.  But the most significant cricketer to have come from the school is undoubtedly Trevor Bailey. (61 Caps for England and Cricketer of the Year in 1950).  The school's sports ground now bears his name.

Henderson and Bailey overlapped at Dulwich.  Did the Boil ever face him in the nets?  Impossible to say for there is no reference to Bailey - nor even net practice - in Henderson's work .   (FB has therefore done one better than him).
Nor did he exploit his higher education properly either.  He read languages at Downing College Cambridge, which was founded in 1800 and is the only college at Cambridge founded between 1596 and 1869.  Cricket was readily available.  Its most famous cricketing son is Mike Atherton.
In cricketing terms therefore Hamish Henderson is a disappointment.  It is as well therefore that he has left us Freedom Come All Ye - it redeems everything.
Broken faimlies in lands we’ve herriet
Will curse Scotland the Brave nae mair, nae mair;
Black and white, ane til ither mairriet
Mak the vile barracks o their maisters bare

Click on this link to find a truly great rendition of the song - Katrine Polwart unaccompanied in the Orkney Italian Chapel.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Scottie Dugs

Fans hoping to see this at GL this weekend are likely to be disappointed.

The executive authorities at go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton have issued the following advice to teams visiting the club's prestigious Grange Loan HQ:

'Visiting clubs should bring their own Scottie Dug. 

'Carlton's reserve supplies of this popular mascot have dried up following recent tragic events at Celtic Park.  Present CricketScotland restrictions mean that they have been unable to register alternative supplies in time for forthcoming matches.

'Carlton would also like to remind visiting clubs that dressing junior members up and pretending that they are Scottie Dugs, or even Tea Cakes, is not an acceptable substitute.

'Carlton apologises for the inconvenience and distress caused by these unfortunate developments.'

The club later confirmed that there is no imminent threat to the supply of empire biscuits at Grange Loan.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

The Baggy Blue

Not part of the
bowling attack
Fantasy Bob had the novel experience this week of taking to the cricket field leading a side where the aggregate age of his bowling attack stood comfortably above his own age.  For once the only 12 year old in sight was the Macallan behind the bar.

For go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton had arranged a fixture against cricketers from the Victoria Over Sixty Cricket Association (VOSCO) as part of their epic tour of Ireland Scotland and Iceland.   Fantasy Bob was pleased to learn that over 60's cricket is immensely popular in Australia, where the Victorian Association has over 15 member clubs, and increasingly in other parts of the world.  FB's researches tell him that even Scotland has fielded an over 60s team this season in a tussle with England.

VOSCO tour booklet
It was not clear what act of temporary insanity lead the club's normally level minded administrative supremos to invite FB to skipper the distinguished side.  But invite him they did - and what's more to the point, arranged as perfect a summer's day as ever there can have been at the club's prestigious HQ at Grange Loan.

Those spectators who tumbled into the ground in anticipation of a feast of cricket were not disappointed. Neither were those who tumbled in merely in search of a feast, for the catering throughout the event was of Test Match Quality.

Those among FB's handful of worldwide readers wishing to learn more of the keenly contested proceedings are invited to turn to the match report on the club's excellent website.

Those who have better things to do should nevertheless be aware that before play got under way the skipper of the touring side presented each of Carlton's select XI with a special tour cap bearing the association's badge.

But for FB as skipper they held back something special.  A baggy blue cap from the Carlton Cricket Club in Melbourne which FB wore with pride throughout the afternoon's play.

Senior members of Carlton looked at FB's smart new headgear with more than a hint of envy.  For amongst some of those grizzled seniors the issue of caps is a sensitive one.  Many a visitor to the pavilion, unaware of the history of this controversial issue, has casually passed an innocent observation on the  head gear adorning the team on the field, only to reel from the room several hours later after an exhausting exegesis of the garment's inadequacies.

For there are those among the senior playing members who regard the pale duck egg blue of the currently prescribed cap as inappropriate.  They may accept that it has some utility on a gloomy day at Grange Loan, when its pale glow is often a clue that there is a fielder in the vicinity.  But that, as far as they are concerned, that is the limit of its usefulness.  While they may accept the baseball cap type dimensions the milliner has imposed on the object, they secretly yearn for a baggy to call their own.

But above all, it is the duck-eggness of it that offends these sensibilities.  It is the delicacy of the pastel shade. It is the light blueness of it.  There is no escape from the passive quietness of the shade.

FB's readers can make their own minds up.................
For these unreconstructed minds, this is not a shade which is consistent with digging it in short, or creaming it through the covers, or whanging it in from the boundary.  They see it as a suitable adornment for needlepoint, or lace making, or even cup-cake decoration.  Important pastimes all, many of them Olympic sports in which these senior members on occasion participate with distinction, but outside the cricket season.

But this is no longer an aesthetic issue that FB has to worry about.  For now he has his baggy blue.

Saturday, 12 July 2014


Fantasy Bob was disappointed to read a recent report of further vandalism at the ground of Glenrothes CC.  This club has suffered more than most - and certainly more than it deserves - from such mindlessness.  Glenrothes CC has also suffered from the mindlessness of a previous post by FB.  How can one club put up with so much?

To FB's mind, no punishment is too gross for anyone who would vandalise a cricket ground.  A life sentence facing leg spin bowling is the least that the courts should stipulate.

Vandalism gives the Vandals a bad name.  Originally the Vandals were an East Germanic tribe, or group of tribes, who were first heard of in southern Poland, but later moved around Europe establishing kingdoms in Spain and later North Africa in the 5th century.  Renaissance and Early Modern writers characterised the Vandals as barbarians playing a major part in the sacking and looting of Rome and the term widened to the destruction of works of art and by extension anything else.

There is no suggestion that the original vandals desecrated cricket grounds - and indeed more contemporary writers suggest that they had great respect for Roman cultural achievements (they just liked looting them a bit more).  So real vandals might have regarded the facilities of Glenrothes with proper respect.

FB has to tread with care here and not mount the high horse too mightily.  For he had an early career in vandalism.  Some junior members of go ahead Edinburgh cricket Club Carlton, familiar with FB's increasingly geriatric manoeuvres in the field, may be forgiven for thinking that he was actually involved in the sacking of Rome.  But he missed this event.  Just.
FB missed out on the sacking of Rome

No, his career dated to a time in Aberdeen when he lived in a new house on a new development. All around chez FB (site of the only L shaped cricket pitch in the history of the game) were houses being built.  This being a civilised time before health and safety was invented, there were no security fences anywhere. FB and his chums were free to roam through the shells of soon-to-be-luxury executive homes.  Bliss it was to be alive and all that.

Generally FB and his chums were well behaved on their expeditions to those buildings.  But one summer evening for some reason - perhaps an overindulgence in sherbet fountains or the state of the moon - they took to throwing roofing tiles from the higher points of a building.  They watched as they cartwheeled to the ground and smashed into pieces.  This proved exciting for 10 minutes or so and then the gang went on to something else more gentle and civilised.

This incident faded quickly from FB's mind, but it seems to have troubled the building company who did not share his youthful excitement at converting a stack of pristine tiles into a pile of rubble.  Their preference was definitely for a set of tiles which would be nailed on to the roofs of their emerging executive townhouses.  So a couple of days later the police appeared at FB's front door - (Fit like, fit like, fit like................) seeking information about what he knew about the incident.

Even at that tender age FB understood the importance of walking when he had tickled the ball behind.  He would not have dreamed of doing otherwise.  There was no need for Aberdeen's finest to test their range of interrogation techniques.  A seat in the front room with his Mum and Dad was all that was needed.

'Yes,' he knew about it.  Sob.  'Yes,' he was there.  Sob, sob. 'Yes,' he took part.  Sob, sob, sob.   Most of FB's chums appear not to have been cricketers for they failed to walk.  FB was left shouldering the burden with one other boy - no prosecution but restitution of the damaged materials.  No pocket money for a few months.

FB gave up vandalism after that.  He has forsworn sacking Rome.  Roof tiles are safe in his hands.

He still walks.

Cricket and vandalism - they just don't go together.

Monday, 7 July 2014

Scripts leaked on line

Dr Who and friend with one of the leaked reports
Executive authorities at go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton are investigating a serious breach of security after several  match reports for forthcoming 4th XI matches were in appropriately released on line.

Fans have been asked not to distribute the leaked material further.

A spokesperson for the club said

'We would like to make a plea to anyone who might have any of this material and spoilers associated with it not to share it with a wider audience so that everyone can enjoy the matches when they are played.

'We know only too well that the 4th XI fans are the best in the world and we thank them for their 
help with this and their continued loyalty.'

The leak has reignited controversy that the world famous series of match reports are in fact written well in advance of any of the matches being played. 

More recently there have been other suggestions that the reports are computer generated or produced by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at an infinite number of keyboards.

The Club's spokesperson was at pains to deny these allegations:

'Do you really think that monkeys would make up that drivel?'

Thursday, 3 July 2014

The Stud

SCG - Members' and Ladies' Stands
Mrs FB had tolerated with quiet resignation the tour of Sydney Cricket Ground which formed a key part of Fantasy Bob's Antipodean itinerary.

She observed the changing rooms and the honours boards, the classic lines of the Members' and Ladies' Stands tranquil against the newer stands that now surround the field.

As she followed the tour guide onto the field of play she stroked the nose of the relief bust of Bradman - as all who pass through that gate do.  Just as countless batsman have made a wish - for a century perhaps or at least that they are not out for a duck - she may have uttered a silent prayer.

FB was not privileged to learn the content of her wish.  She may well have  wished for a century.  It is more likely that she wished that this was the last cricket ground she would ever have to wander around and that something more interesting would be found on the rest of the trip - something a bit more horsey perhaps.

It is too early in the season to know whether FB's wish is going to come true, although a betting man would not stake much on it.  But the fates seemed to deliver for Mrs FB.  For as FB languished in a New Zealand hotel room a week later he was advised, 'I've arranged a visit to the Cambridge Stud tomorrow.  You don't have to come.'

'The Cambridge Stud?  Who is he?'

'Don't be daft -it's not a person.'

'Oh,' said FB, the image of a lothario with a First in Greats receding.

Mrs FB beside Sir Tristram
It not take long to enlighten FB.  Mrs FB's equine wishing was bearing fruit. The Cambridge Stud is New Zealand’s finest thoroughbred nursery, its stallions the most lauded and successful in producing winning race horses.  Its most famous stallion was Sir Tristram who sired a record 45 individual Group One winners including 3 winners of the Melbourne Cup.  Sir Tristram died in 1997 when the laurels were taken up by his son Zabeel.  Zabeel has just retired and it is likely that his progeny will go on to win more races than those sired by his Dad.  Sir Tristram is buried at the Stud Farm - standing up, so the tour guide advised.  A fine statue of him stands above his grave.

All that does not mean much to FB who does not follow horse racing or bloodstock breeding.  He assumes that there may be some among his handful of worldwide readers who are familiar with such matters and will be nodding nod wisely at such information and be listing each and every of Sir Tristram's progeny.

It was not the breeding season at the time of FB's visit.  So there was no stallion on mare action to divert them.  This may have been a relief.  For FB and Mrs FB were treated to more than graphic descriptions of the process, which when it comes down to it all seems a bit of a bother.  And more than a bit dangerous too - not only for the mare.

For Sir Tristram appears to have been, how can FB put it, very difficult.     Sir Tristram may have had speed genes; he may have been a noble beautiful animal, but he could hardly be said to have a winning personality.  Perhaps it was just too much sex.  Perhaps it was performance anxiety.   It would after all do anyone in to have to perform 3 times a day, day in day out, even if an extra carrot was in prospect at the end of it.

For this is the regime at the height of the season.  It brought out the nasty in Sir Tristram - he was all macho assertion.  The guide told several tales of how difficult he was to catch at the start of the day - it generally took 3 stable lads to get hold of him in his paddock.  He regularly attacked them - in one instance biting the shoulder of a handler and lifting him clear off the ground.  One kick from him was bad news.

Exactly what all the mares saw in him is anyone's guess.