A Lifestyle Survey

Fantasy Bob notices a report today of a survey by the Office of National Statistics which finds almost half of adults say that they had experienced some positive lifestyle changes during the lockdown. People reported that they were now able to spend more quality time with people they lived with, that they were enjoying a slower pace of life and less time travelling.  The positive lifestyle change people wanted to maintain after the pandemic was the increase in exercise.  Over one-quarter of adults said they are planning to make big changes in their life once the pandemic is over.  

All very interesting as far as it goes.  But FB was not in the sample.  He never is.  Surveyors avoid him well beyond the requirements of physical distancing.  But, as he reviewed the report, he imagined how, had he been in the sample, the interview might have gone.

The phone rings and he answers.

 

This is the Office Of National Statistics doing a survey.  Would you mind answering a few questions?

 

Will I need my lawyer?

 

No.  We just want to know what aspects of your lifestyle have changed for the better since the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak?

 

Well, my batting against 11-year-old leg spinners hasn't been such a problem.

 

How's that?

 

They've not been allowed to bowl. 

 

But have your relationships changed for the better?

 

Defintely.  Mrs FB has been sweetness and light.

 

I suppose that's because your spending more quality time with her?

 

Not at all.  It's because she hasn't been tripping over my cricket kit in the hall every second moment.  

 

Lots of people have said they've managed to increase the amount of exercise they do.  Have you being doing burpees?

 

No, flatulence isn't a problem.

 

You don't suffer from wind?

Oh I suffer all right.  You try a full spell up the hill against the wind.

OK.  What about travel?  Has that been better?

Definitely.  

How's that?

I haven't had to drive a car full of juniors and their kit talking non-stop pokemon.

Maybe you've been able to try some new activity?

Yes, I've been practicing the doosra.

That's wonderful.  And are you getting a tune out of it?

No, but the cat can't read it at all.

So will you be making any big lifestyle changes at the end of the lockdown?

Absolutely.  I have something in mind.

And what is that?

I'm going to change my guard to middle and leg.