On Clapping, Marimbas and Ian Bell

George. 

Sandy.

Did you do the clapping? 

Aye.  Jean was really keen on it. But we had to give it up.  Couldn't afford it anymore.

Eh?

Jean bashed the bottoms out of 2 frying pans and 3 saucepans.  We've only a fish kettle left.  And I don't like fish.

I thought you were looking thinner.  

I was fine with the clapping until the boy next door started with the bagpipes.  What a racket.  He only knows the one tune.

And what's that?

Don't Stand So Close to Me.  If only.....  But it got the lad on the other side going with his sousaphone. He's giving it everything on Stayin' Alive..  Then the lassie across the road joins in with her marimbas going for it with the Ride of the Valkyiries  Jean has to keep up - she got carried away with Soul Limbo - that's what did for her frying pan.

Aye well they've stopped it all now.

Aye, everybody's clapped out.

We used to do a lot of clapping in the cricket.

We were always clapping.  'Batsman in,' and everyone clapped.

Wicket....

...everyone clapped.

Good ball, good shot... 

... everyone clapped.

Batsman's fifty...

... everyone clapped.

We had a boy in our side.  Couldn't bat, couldn't bowl, couldn't catch.  But he was brilliant at the clapping.  Got him selected every week.

I remember him - what was he called again?

Derek Clapton.

Now it's all high fives..

..and fist bumps.

Maybe now folk have got into the way of clapping again it'll come back.

That would be nice.

As long as we don't get the frying pans.

Or the bagpipes.

Or the marimbas 

Aye, tuned percussion would be out of place on a cricket field.

Except for Ian Bell.

Except for Ian Bell - he was a player.  Lovely cover drive.

Superb cover drive.

22 Test centuries.  Only Pietersen and Cook had more.

The Sledgehammer of Eternal Justice they called him.

Really.  Why?

I've no idea.  

He was Jean's favourite batsman.

She'd have clapped him in then.

She's have got her marimbas out for him.  

So you're off somewhere?

Aye.  I've got a round of golf booked.

Golf - I thought you'd given it up.

I had.  But since there's no cricket, I thought I'd give it another go.

And how's it going?

Dreadful.  Mind you not as bad as the lad I was playing with on Monday  He was that depressed after the round, he said he was going to drown himself.

Did he?

No, epic fail.  He couldn't keep his head down long enough.