Thursday, 2 December 2010

Collingwood's sock - on the way to Adelaide

Fantasy Bob has some exclusive comments from Paul Collingwood's sock as the England squad build up for the second Ashes Test in Adelaide. 'Even though we won the First Test, it's still 0-0. Adelaide is a bowler's graveyard - so mega runs are needed in the first innings. 517 for 1 would do it.' 

The sock went on to tell FB that Adelaide's a bat first pitch. FB can only agree but notes that in six of the last eight Tests at Adelaide, the team batting first has gone on to lose the match, despite two of those first-innings totals being over 500, and only one of them (New Zealand's 270 in 2008) being less than 300. One of the higher scores was England's in 2006. So while England look themore confident camp, the batters must deliver and if they do the bowlers must bowl straight.  Fb is no forecaster but a draw looks a pretty good bet.

Jonathan Trott says his celebration after reaching three figures at the Gabba, where he cradled his arms, was a spontaneous gesture to his one-month old daughter Lily. While tour officials have spoken to him privately no disciplinary action will be taken at this shameful lapse into footballer-type behaviour. The sock confirmed this, 'Apparently the management made it clear that if Trotty puts his shirt over his head next time it could be the end of his career.'

Paternity seems to be a pervasive issue. Alistair Cook described his 235 as a daddy hundred. No one has any idea what he means.

FB has heard that there is some suggestion that the pitch at Adelaide is a little greener with a bit more grass than usual. If this is so then it could help Anderson. Nevertheless it is pretty hard to see how either side is going to take 20 wickets on what is usually a batters' surface. A scandalous suggestion is circulating that Australian officials have asked groundsmen to ensure that wickets make it more likely for 5 days play so that ticket revenue can be maximised. Officials may well be reviewing the success of this policy in the light of the 5th day crowd at the Gabba of 17.

FB is sure all his readers are big fans of American Ashley Kerekes who has been Twittered to exhaustion because her username is theashes. She is reported to have tweeted on Monday : "Bed soon, but I was just sent the 1st test result... how is it a draw if Australia gets 588 & England gets 777??" Nations separated by a common culture? Ashley's mother waded into the row. "You know if people in Australia and England knew how to type proper grammer [sic] they would not have this problem," FB says Yes!- a spelling joke at last.

Most speculation coming into the second Test has been about Mitchell Johnson. He has looked a forlorn figure with nowhere to hide. It was confirmed on Thursday that he would be dropped. He responded by saying he needed to go and get his head straight. Most fans think his priority is to get his bowling straight.

Kevin Pietersen got the world a twitter with his tweets lambasting the Adeladie groundstaff to his Twitter followers: "What should a groundsman make sure he does 2days out from a test match????""Cover the nets when it rains maybe???"PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!" KP's excessive use of punctuation marks has caused concern to coaching staff for some time now. Before the series he was sent to South Africa to work on the simple full stop and comma. Looks like there is still work to do.

Marcus Trescothick, perhaps realising after Brisbane that the market in left-handed opening bats is a bit swamped, is reported to have accepted a new challenge. All he has to do is hit the ball over the Lords Pavilion and he will trouser a cool £1m.

Designed for the IPL
FB understands there is one stipulation, Tresco must use a mongoose. This will be a true test and the prospects of success might depend on whether he holds the little mammal by the head or the tail. The Pavilion has not been cleared since Albert Trott did it in 1899 - and he did it for free, using a cricket bat. Plus ca change. 

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