Sunday, 4 March 2012

Eurovision Shock

The executive authorities at go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton astonished the world by announcing yesterday the skipper for their forthcoming Eurovision Cup fixture in Azerbaijan. Leading the side will be longstanding favourite Kenneth McKellar.

McKellar last played in the fixture in 1966, when he astonished the crowd by coming to the crease in Highland dress.
Just what Eurovision needs

Critics were quick to point out that McKellar died in 2010 and so might not be available for the fixture. A spokesman for the club acknowledged that fitness might be a consideration but went on to point out, 'Fantasy Bob has been skippering the All Star 4th XI for ages and for most of the time he looks dead too.  We find a couple of biscuits normally revives him.'

Meanwhile fellow blast from the past Englebert Humperdinck expressed regret that Carlton had overlooked him for this prestigious appointment.  But his disappointment turned to despair when he was told he had been selected to represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest.

'It's rubbish,' he said, 'I was all set to play for Carlton and this happens. A nightmare. It'll be Terry Wogan and Graham Norton all night long. Bloody awful and some tone deaf teenager will be writing the so-called song which won't have any tune or say anything about cricket. I didn't know my career was in such terrible shape..................THERE GOES MY EVERYTHING................PLEASE RELEASE ME....................'

The last waltz?

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