Sunday, 11 March 2012


Mr Pastry
When Mrs FB says to Fantasy Bob, 'You've got that Mr Pastry look,' it means only one thing.  It is not a compliment far less a come-on.  Mr Pastry was a slap stick comedian and children's TV star of some years ago, who had whispy white hair with a mind of its own.  So when Mrs FB spots the Mr Pastry look, like the Greek bond holders, it's time for FB to seek a haircut.

And he is spoiled for choice.  For the part of Edinburgh in which FB resides would appear to be the world epicentre of Men's Barbers.  Within 100 yards of Morningside Station - obviously not an actual station but a road junction - are 6.  The only thing there are more of are coffee shops.  Coffee shops and barbers.  From far flung seas they swim up stream to this breeding ground and define the sustainable economy for the 21st Century.

Given the ravages of time on FB's follicles, the tonsorial correction does not take very long.  Fantasy Bob played it safe.  Just a tidy up all round he commands the hairdresser.  She is disappointed.  She had spotted in FB a candidate for the Mario Balotelli look - one of the Manchester City footballer's more eccentric styles might have given FB a new lease of life.

The haircut FB could have had
But by comparison with football cricket is conservative in its approach to coiffure.  Balotelli joins a long and ridiculous tradition - who can forget the permanent wave craze of the 1970s?.  Cricket however has had few haircuts to shock.  Perhaps Ian Botham's highlighted mullets of the 1980s did enough to put the whole game off the fancy haircut.  For this, amongst many other things, cricketers should be eternally grateful.  Occasionally however the message does not get through and the collective common sense is punctured. The pink and orange hair the Irish team wore through last year's World Cup is a case in point.  Malinga's bleached Harpo Marx look is another.

Colin Miller
Cricket's most celebrated bonkers barnet belonged to the Australian Colin Miller who played 18 Tests in the late 1990s and early 2000s.  He was a late starter making his Test debut at the age of 34 having converted to off spin from medium pace after an ankle injury.  He was Australian Test Player of the year in 2001, no mean feat when you consider the quality of the team at that time.  He was renowned for the ever changing colour of his hair.  It was suggested that his effectiveness as a bowler owed much to the distracting effect of his coloured hair.  

And while on the subject, here is 1980's band Haircut 100 (presumably one of Balotelli's) and their uplifting Fantastic Day.  Maybe next time.


  1. I can see that might be distracting for a batsman. I seem to remember that KP had quite an arresting haircut when he made his Test debut (blonde streak on dark background). This was covered by a helmet most of the time, which rather diluted the effect.

  2. Ah yes - FB has suppressed all memory of KP's crimes against tonsorial taste. Just as well there are other things to remember him for.