Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Cash for Access

Senior figures at go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton have moved quickly to respond to newspaper stories over the weekend that potential backers of the club were being offered privileged access to senior club personnel on payment of large sums of money.

Secretly filmed footage
of privileged access to
FB being offered
Reporters masquerading as overseas investors recorded a discussion in which they were offered 'premier league' access to Fantasy Bob for £250,000.  Opponents have called for a full public inquiry.

A spokesperson for the club said,

'We are fully investigating these serious allegations.  If they are proved correct, Fantasy Bob would seem to have upped his fee - usually you can offer him an empire biscuit and you can't get rid of him all night.'

The club also responded to requests that a full list of those who had been granted access should be published.  When challenged that they had simply issued a blank sheet of paper, the club confirmed that this was an accurate record.

 'There's no one on the list.  In fact it's more likely that we'd have to pay people to spend an evening with FB.'

A statement on whether a cash donation could secure an opportunity to share the sandwiches of Carlton's Doughty, but unnamed, Groundsman is also under investigation.


  1. The possibly soon to be named one tells me that anyone will be welcome to share his sandwiches on payment of a suitable fee. But he wishes to make it clear that, while he is always open to sensible advice, suggestions and discussion, he will not be changing his policy along the lines usually advocated by dressing room experts - often involving over use of the heavy roller.

    1. FB is sure that the Committee of Inquiry will take these factors into account.