Wednesday, 6 April 2011

At home with the feckers

Fantasy Bob's worldwide electronic monitoring system has delivered the following transcript of the meeting of the ICC in which they discussed the format of the next World Cup.
(There is a lot of background noise, corks popping, applause, the sound of large number of coins being poured onto hard surfaces.  The meeting is brought to order.)

Now before we discuss committee expenses, we need to dispose of minor business.  We have to have another World Cup in 2015.  Our commercial department has come up with this proposal is that India should play Australia in a round robin of 48 matches leading to the final.  We should get Poonam Pandey involved.
(There is applause - cries of 'when can we start counting the money' are heard in the background).
Great idea, but don't we need some other teams?


Good point.  But half of the games have to be in New Zealand.


You know, the place where the hobbits come from.  Half the games have to be there.

Who agreed to that?

We did apparently. What were we thinking of?  It makes it all very tricky.

(There is a static filled silence.  A murmur can be made out 'When can we start counting the money?')

Yes!  Got it! -  India can play Australia..... in New Zealand.

Brilliant.   That's it then.  Next item of business is committee expenses........

Wait a minute.  We can't just have 2 teams.

Why not?

Well it's meant to be the World Cup.

What's that got to do with it?

Shouldn't we have some minor nations?

OK - Pakistan can play Sri Lanka.

In New Zealand.

Brilliant.  Now, about expenses,

But who are New Zealand going to play?

Do they play?

Yes, apparently they were in the semi final this time.

Really?  No one told me.  Well maybe they could play............

A minnow

A minnow

A minnow

Ok,  New Zealand play England.

So India play Australia in the final, Pakistan play Sri Lanka and New Zealand play England.  That should do it.  How many teams is that?

5 - plus England....................
(Applause -  voices can be heard saying 'Now can we start counting the money.')
Unfortunately the battery on FB's mobile faded at this point, so he is unable to report how the meeting developed.  However he is sure that this excerpt is enough to satisfy even the most sceptical critic that the future of World Cricket is in sound hands.


  1. Money being the important word here.It's sad to see cricket going the way of football but that's what we seem to be left with - endless competitions, no closed season, players burnt out
    before the important tournaments even start. Plus the unspeakable IPL of course.

  2. Thanks Silly Point - too right - for once FB has nothing to add to this comment.

  3. Frankly, I find the latest bout of "minnow love" unconvincing.

  4. Golandaaz - maybe but there needs to be an alternative strateggy to develop the game world wide - it is certain death for the game if only the haves don't help the have nots.

  5. If you remember, previously the ICC have been adequately criticized for quite the opposite. For having too many associate teams in WCs. Especially in 2003 with teams like Namibia, UAE and indeed Kenya qualifying for the semis through boycotts (not the yorkshire guy), duckworth-lewis and one upset.

    So while I see where the popular opinion is, I am waiting for what the ICC has in its plans for the associate nations as an alternate strategy; as you call it

    If there is none then its a shame and I will jump on the ICC bashing wagon :-)

    I think cricket's problem is India. It represents too much of the revenue share and we are in no mood and don't have the right administrators to look after the well being of the game globally. India can easily influence the right decisions (with the funding) working with the ECB and CA but all these boards led by India are far too myopic.

    Nonetheless I enjoyed your post. Always do

  6. Golandaaz - Thanks these are fair points and FB would never advocate associates in the competition for its own sake - the challenge is how to get more teams good enough to compete meaningfully.

  7. It has been pointed out that Ireland lies above Zimbabwe in the curent world rankings. There should at least be a qualifying tournament, as has happened in the past. Even the money-mad world of football has a promotion system.