|Salvador Dali - |
favourite for Carlton job
There are cricketers who claim that as an artistic and philosophical movement surrealism has seen better days. The movement that was begun in Paris by Andre Breton in the 1920s and which proved hugely influential, particularly in the visual arts of the mid 20th century, has done nothing for cricket. These critics also point out that Dali himself died in 1989, a factor which could get in the way of him being able to take a full schedule of net practice sessions at Grange Loan. He might also have difficulty communicating with the junior members whose command of artistic idiom is not yet advanced. However, the selection committee, justifiably, considered that such a view was overly conventional. The surreal has the power to liberate the cricketer from the literal and quotidian, surprising batters and bowlers alike with its dream-like depictions of the raw power of the unconscious. The committee was confident that the possibility of melting stumps and lobsters masquerading as cricket bats could take the club to to new levels.
|Dali's most famous cricket picture|
Teams presented their answers, whereupon Fraggle pronounced that the answer was Pablo Picasso.
The response was immediate. Dali spoke to FB from beyond the grave, 'It is outrageous. I'm missing Strictly Come Dancing final to listen to Carlton quiz and this happens. This is my most famous quote of all time. I actually use it in my application form to Carlton. I meet Fraggle. I think he is my kind of guy who see a lobster in every telephone. But then he compare me to Picasso - this is flash outside the off stump too far, this is one grassing dolly catch at cover point too many. Picasso, pah! With his blue period, his pink period, his minotaurs, his Guernicas. What kind of cricket is that - where are the melting clockfaces? No, I no work with Fraggle. He and me is finito, big time. I withdraw my lobsters. Carlton, so called go-ahead club, can look elsewhere for coach.'
|Fraggle Watts in surreal garb|
FB spoke on behalf of his team, 'This is the greatest moment of our sporting lives. All the years of intense training have finally paid off. We're gutted about Dali, but, to be honest, we weren't sure he was right for the club.'
Why would FB have doubts about Dali? FB's researches had established that the Spaniard's second most famous quote was 'I am going to my room to masturbate before I have a light lunch if you would like to come and watch.' which, according to FB's sources, he uttered to a selection committee interviewing him for a previous coaching appointment. FB would be concerned that Dali might take the same attitude to tea during the cricket season - a risk Carlton might not wish to take.
Meanwhile Fraggle commented, 'We got off lightly. Having FB associated with this club is surreal enough.'