|Satan in Christmas appearance|
Fantasy Bob has long been the subject of extreme press harassment, in that the press have totally ignored him. FB is waiting to be called to appear before the inquiry to describe his mental anguish at such grossly unethical conduct by the tabloid newspapers. 'Mine is bigger than Hugh Grant's,' said FB.
After claiming that he had introduced FB and Mrs FB, and that all their happiness was attributable to him, Morgan refused to discuss whether he had heard a taped conversation between Fantasy Bob and Mrs FB, in which FB agonisingly and movingly pleads with Mrs FB not to ridicule him for getting out for yet another duck.
'I can't discuss where I heard that tape or who made it.' Morgan said repeatedly. He declined to say whether listening to this tape was unethical. 'Every other tabloid was at it, ignoring Fantasy Bob was standard practice - no one saw anything unethical about it. Even now, when I hear the name Fantasy Bob, my immediate response is - 'Who?'.'
Morgan also conceded that he had purchased Fantasy Bob's bank statements from a source known as Benji the Binman who had searched FB's rubbish bins for juicy information. Morgan did not accept that this was unethical. FB's rubbish was in the public domain. 'FB, whoever he is, had the most boring dustbins in the world and it is a matter of public interest that this is widely known.'
Morgan was sacked as editor of the Daily Mirror in 2004 when he published fake photos of British soldiers abusing an Iraqi. Under his editorship the cricket coverage was pretty poor too.
FB wishes to make clear that Piers Morgan is no relation to Eion Morgan, England's middle order batsman who has never listened to hacked voicemails while at the crease.
Fantasy Bob is resigned to the press continuing to ignore him - even if he were to score a hundred.