Thursday, 29 September 2011

Top Job

Sir Ian Botham, Andrew Strauss, Michael Vaughan, Allan Lamb, Mark Nicholas, Steve Waugh and Shane Warne are all in Scotland this week.

Nicholas - keen on Carlton job
Fantasy Bob assumes it is just the first tentative response to the advertisement placed this week by go ahead Edinburgh cricket club, and Scottish champions, Carlton, who are seeking a new head coach. Or in other words, the top job in world cricket.

FB is quite impressed by this list, even though some other possible candidates have now ruled themselves out.  Geoff Marsh, for example, has opted for a less prestigious role having just taken over coaching duties with Sri Lanka.  FB thought that he would have enough on his plate trying to find replacements for Murali and Malinga.  But Geoff was apparently keen to try a dual role, until he realised that he might have difficulty getting to Edinburgh in time for the under 13 practices on Tuesdays. 

Waugh - is he ready for top job?
FB is not sure who would be the favourite from this early list of candidates.  All seem to have their merits. He suggests that the candidates need to be closely examined in one particular area.  The spec for the post suggests that the coach will need to develop special training programmes for players of potential in the 16-22 age group.  FB is disappointed at the overt agism of the appointment committee who have not taken into account the special needs of Carlton players considerably older than those tender years and with absolutely no potential.   He recommends that during the interviews the candidates should be specifically asked about tactics to hide immobile players in the field and in the use of the zimmer while bowling.

Pipe makers championship
While in Scotland, and presumably to relieve their nerves before being interviewed for the big job, the candidates are all, by some coincidence, playing in the Dunhill Links Golf Championship.  This is a prestigious end of season event which takes place over 3 Scottish courses including St Andrews and puts the pros and celebs together in a format that FB doesn't quite understand.  The top pro ends up winning vast amounts of moolah - presumably in compensation for having to walk round with an amateur for a few days.  But the tournament usually delivers a top drawer winner - Martin Kaymer won it last year and Harrington, Westwood, Montgomerie and Lawrie have all won previously.

Kaymer wins the big soup bowl
Alfed Dunhill is not a brand that FB has a great familiarity with - apparently they make pipes and cigarette lighters and dinner suits - none of which FB has much use for. 
FB suggests that the candidates for Carlton's coaching position will put in word with Dunhill's commercial wallahs, for it would do their chances of appointment a lot of good if they could advise the appointment committee that a sponsorship deal with a prestigious dinner suit manufacturer is in the bag.  FB can assure them that the players will willingly warm up in branded dinner suits as part of any deal.

No comments:

Post a Comment