Sunday, 4 September 2011

Roxy Cricket

Bryan Ferry - yet to take a wicket
Mrs Fantasy Bob left the house in a high state of excitement.  She is bound for an evening in the company of Bryan Ferry whose bowling action she has long admired. 

Fantasy Bob notes that Mr Ferry has for some years qualified for a bus pass, although it is unlikely that he makes much use of it since his favoured mode of transportation seems to be a helicopter.  He also notes that Mr Ferry is reported to have acquired a new lady friend, apparently less than half his age.  He therefore suspects that Mr Ferry may lack energy to make the long lingering and smouldering looks from the stage in Mrs FB's direction - which Mrs FB appeared confident would be a frequent occurence.  Released into the night my his new squeeze, Mr Ferry may well resemble FB himself towards the end of his bowling spell up the hill against the wind, only considerably better dressed and groomed . 

Bryan Ferry is not a cricketer of any reknown, indeed he is unknown to have expressed any views on any cricketing matter.  There is no record of him ever having taken a wicket.  Perhaps it is this weakness that attracts Mrs FB, who has been known to express a little boredom when FB recounts in necessary detail every ball he faced in one of his longer innings.   But it is clear to FB (if no one else) that Mr Ferry's lack of interest in cricket caused him unhappiness at an earlier stage in his career.  Ms Jerry Hall left Mr Ferry to take up with Mick Jagger (or Sir Mick Jagger as he is now known to his friends) because of Mr Ferry's lack of cricket talk.  Jagger is a great fan of the game and Ms Hall was much taken with the manner in which he frequently asked her to offer a view on his slower one. 

But Mr Ferry is a Geordie, born and bred in Co Durham.  Although the county side was still a thing of the future, he would have had plenty opportunity to engage in the game.  It is obvious he practiced combing his hair or some such when the Harmisons and Collingwoods of the county were in the nets.   How he must regret the missed opportunity as his helicopter lands bringing him to the midst of another crowd of screaming women.  'If only', he thinks wistfully.....'if only..........if only I'd gone to cricket practice..............things could have been so different.'

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