Thursday, 28 July 2011

Sex on the beach

Apparently we are now within 1 year of the start of the London Olympics 2012.  Those grand lasses of the synchronised swimming community formed together in the pool in a figure 1 to tell us so.   It's always the synchronised swimmers that get these photo-calls.  Prepare for media saturation.  For everything for the next year could have an Olympic angle - except cricket of course for as FB has lamented previously cricket does not feature in the Olympics.  Shocking.

What is the attraction in this?
 For example,  Fantasy Bob read a piece in a so called serious newspaper not so long ago which reviewed that issue of compelling national importance as to whether beach volleyball’s appeal is primarily of a sporting or a sexual nature.   Beach volleyball in 2012 is scheduled to take place in that noted seaside location Horse Guards Parade, home of that other beach sport Trooping the Colour.  Tickets are among the most sought after across the whole range of Olympic events.  It is suggested, unkindly, that this reflects a predilection for young ladies jumping around in skimpy swimwear as much as the thrill of competitive action.  How could anyone reach such a conclusion?  The article was illustrated by a picture of 2 of the lithest long legged sun tanned nymphets clad in the scantiest of scanties, as should all high minded discussions of sporting excellence.  Assisted by these lovelies, the article’s author reached a firm conclusion between sport and sex.  Apparently it requires stamina, flexibility, positional sense and quickness of reflex.  And so does beach volleyball.

So now that the serious sporting purpose of beach volleyball has been confirmed, Fantasy Bob thinks it is time that the same question is turned on a proper sport.  Is cricket a sport or a sexual attraction? 

FB acknowledges that the breathless hush that goes round the close when he runs up to bowl may no longer have that undercurrent of sexual frisson among any ladies on the boundary.  Instead there is a solicitous concern that emergency medical treatment might soon be required and a hope that should mouth to mouth resuscitation be necessary, some else will step up to the plate.

Oh dear
 Sex has rarely been used to sell or promote cricket.  The attempt by Surrey CC earlier this season to sex up its offering by using walk-on girls was abandoned under a torrent of criticism from feminists, venerable crusties and people with common sense and good taste.  The dancing girls who shake their booties during the IPL have hardly added to the impact of the game – apart from a series of tawdry revelations about what some players get up to off the field.  Cricket equipment is not marketed with illustrations of nubile beauties draped across the gear in suggestive poses.  Cricketers have been mercifully absent from the Ryan Giggs treatment, some antique but still celebrated incidents involving Ian Botham and beauty queens apart.  There have only been occasional efforts to strip cricketers, oil up their pecs and get them to give that smouldering look that will sell…….well what.... Australian underpants.  Misguided.
But is it time to bow to the MTV generation saturated with sexualised imagery and pep cricket up?  There are many opportunities

-          polishing the ball must be done in the groin region only
-          boxes will be worn outside the trousers and may be individually designed or coloured.  Animal heads, Viking helmets, space rockets may well be popular designs.
-          young ladies can be given practical guidance on how to apply a grip to a bat handle……………..

Enough! This speaks for itself.  

Let beach volleyball be beach volleyball with beach volleyball values. Heavy breathing is not needed in cricket, unless of course you’ve just had the enthusiastic running of a junior at the other end turn an easy single into a scrambled two.  Let it stay that way.

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