Monday, 13 June 2011

Birthday Honours

One feels there's something One's forgotten.......
While Fantasy Bob will zealously join in the days and weeks of national celebration that accompany the award to the Duke of Edinburgh of the splendid new title Lord High Admiral (foreign navies take care), and the lesser awards of OBE to Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower and MBE to Alistair Cook (for services to rubbing Aussie noses in it), he is (once again) supremely disappointed that his own claims have been overlooked by Her Majesty.  He has scanned the birthday honours list top to bottom - there is no hiding the fact, he is not mentioned.

As Her Majesty stoically watched the Trooping the Colour ceremony on Saturday, that look of intense concentration on the Royal Face betrayed Her concern.  How had She managed to overlook FB's claims?  Normally She is quite good at remembering these little details.  In all these years living in Palaces, She hasn't once set off on a Royal Progress without remembering to switch the Royal Gas off.  FB has it on good authority that as soon as they got home, She tore a strip off the Lord High Admiral for not reminding her to check the list.  Not even a chocolate HobNob could console Her.

She reminded herself that FB has many claims to recognition, mainly for services to tedium and irrelevance.  He has shown exceptional bravery in the face of Royal Weddings.  But he might also be commended for services to shouting at juniors or services to biscuit eating.  These are after all no different to the activities that seem to have netted some minor entertainer called Bruce Forsyth a shiny knighthood.

So FB is confident that the New Year Honours will recognise his great service to the nation.  A knot has been tied in the Royal Handkerchief. He expects to be granted a CB - not that common or garden Companion of the Order of the Bath thing - but a more prestigious order - the Can't Bat medal.  He might also be a candidate for the CBE - Can't Bowl Either.


  1. It must be time to wheel out the hoary old jokes:

    MBE My b....y efforts
    OBE Other b.....s' efforts
    CMG Call me God
    KCMG Kindly call me God
    GCMG God calls me God

  2. Iain - indeed - you receive the FB award for recycling - not quite in the KCB class but quite near.