Wimbledon - a survival guide

 That high arc of the British summer - the Lords Test, Ascot, Wimbledon, the Open.  Like a rainbow they stretch across the sky. This week we have Wimbledon.
 



Uncle Bulgaria he can remember
the days he wasn't behind the Times

  Fantasy Bob groans.  He accepts that SW18 should be celebrated - but only as home to the Wombles.  FB finds watching tennis a Tavare-esque experience, and when it comes to exciting, Tavare might well have the edge.

The tennis is bad enough but the wall to wall Murray-media-mania makes emigration an attractive option.  How many pictures and essays are we going to have on Andy Murray this year?  Would it not be of benefit if he could he get knocked out in the first round and spare us all the nonsense.  Better still if he got injured and was out of the tournament altogether - and FB means that in a supportive not hurt inducing way.

Two whole weeks in which the British media lose all sense of proportion. Actually it just loses all sense.  The headlines swirl like seabirds against the on shore gale.  Here is FB's preview.

Murray set for Wimbledon triumph, Murray favourite, Murray on course this year, Murray can win says Federer, Murray can lose says Federer, Murray hasn't lost a set yet, Murray blitzing all before him, Murray not scared of Nadal, Murray fears only Nadal,  Murray wastes match points, Murray saves match points, Murray taken to brink, Murray back from brink,  Murray fights injury, Murray no injury, Murray injury scare, Murray as fit as he's ever been,  Murray abdomen worry, Murray injury relief, Murray knee sprain, Murray foot sprain, Murray hand sprain, Murray hand relief, Murray's first serve not working, Murray's first serve booming, Murray too keen on drop shot,  Murray needs touch game, Murray grumpy, Murray happy, Murray too emotional, Murray too cold, Murray hair style, Murray hair a mess, Murray fights back,  Murray fights forward, Murray fights sideways, Murray British champion, Murray new Perry, Murray tops Henman, Murray British hero, Murray Scottish villain, Murray icon for youth, Murray bad role model, Murray Mommy's boy, Murray makes Mum Judy proud, Murray's girlfriend pretty, Murray's girlfriend too pretty, Murray's girlfriend not pretty enough, Murray's shirts white, Murray's shirts too white, Murray's shirts not white enough, Murray winner, Murray loser, choker, disgrace.  Murray Mint, Murray field, Murray Walker, Moray eel, Moray Shire, Bill Murray, Mitch Murray, David Murray, MurrayMurrayMurrayMurrayMcIlroy set for Open triumph, McIlroy favourite, McIlroy..............And that is before the tournament even starts. 

Remember you're a Womble