That star strangled banner

Aguilera
- fluffed Carlton audition

Senior figures at Carlton were today reviewing urgently their imaginative plans for the new season's opening game with the big day only weeks ahead.  As national T20 champions, the go ahead Edinburgh club had been looking for something different to bring the crowd to its feet and had hit on the idea of a rousing performance of the national anthem by Christina Aguilera.

However following her open audition for this deep honour during last night's SuperBowl broadcast, Carlton chiefs are looking at the small print in the contract.  A spokesman told Fantasy Bob, 'We had been told that Christina was a bit a of a singer, but we heard no evidence of this in what happened last night.   She seemed to be making it up as she went along.  We are greatly concerned that such a caterwauling at our Grange Loan HQ would lead to the club facing immediate prosecution for cruelty to all the dogs and cats in the area.  Many dogs are regular spectators of cricket at Grange Loan when they bring their walkers through the gates and we must take care not to offend them.' 

Meanwhile the club is looking at an alternative use for the boxing ring and the leather cowboy chaps that it had bought specially for the planned performance.  The spokesman  said 'We had thought that our skipper Fraggle Watts would get the chaps on and help Christina out in a performance of her best known number Dirrty.  It is disappointing that this will no longer happen.'

A spokesman for Mr Watts said he was relieved.   Ms Aguilera was unavailable for comment last night.