Monday, 11 October 2010

Going, going, gone.........

A Roman helmet has just been sold at auction for the cool sum of £2.3m.  Fantasy Bob is mystified.  He didn't think that Roman batsmen used helmets, since they didn't have to face a barage of short stuff from W Indian pacemen at any time during the Pax Romana. 

FB suspects this artefact must really be an English helmet, a remnant from the early Cedrolithic period excavated during the end of season clear up at Carlton's Grange Loan HQ.   He does not understand how this valuable artefact was sneaked away under the noses of Carlton's management.

But all is not lost, FB's reliable source inside the Edinburgh club says that the clean up has unearthed many articles of inestimable value.  Accordingly the auction rooms of the world will shortly be overburdened with a range of articles of similar status to the helmet:
  • 3 batting gloves (right hand) - possibly pre-Wattsian
  • 1 batting glove (left hand) - probably late-Lyonsian
  • 1 batting pad slightly torn with several red marks - probably early-Aslam
  • 1 fossilised wicket-keeping inner - indeterminate period
  • several pairs of underpants and socks - possibly animal detritus
Carlton top brass are confident that the proceeds of the auction of these priceless relics will secure a new gang mower for doughty groundsman Magnus Moon.


  1. Magnus, who is currently enjoying different company in Malta, tells me that the relics Fantasy Bob mentioned are but a small selection of the detritus recovered annually from an area of the Club known to the archeologists as a midden; but which the players call the "Home Dressing Room". Fantasy Bob has commented before on, indeed poked fun at, Magnus's attempts to protect club equipment from the carelessness of the players. He notes that the lack of care extends also to their own property. To avoid overloading the market, and thereby risking a price collapse, most of this material will be removed to an item the archeologists call a skip prior to the auction FB mentions, the acquisition of a new mower being essential.

  2. Iain - many thanks. FB shares Magnus Moon's concern about overloading the market with such valuable items. He understands that in their infinite foresight, Carlton management have identified this as a problem. As you say a number of the items will be removed. FB understood this was to be to the National Museum of Scotland. He is concerned that you should describe this venerable institution as a skip.