Fantasy Bob for some years has petitioned the European Court of Human Rights with the objective of having left handers banned from the game of cricket. His original aims were moderate, namely to have left arm over the wicket added to the category of no-ball. However as his campaign gathered support from right handers everywhere, its ambitions grew and now he will stop short of nothing other than a total ban.
'They just muck things up for us right handers,' he said, 'you have to bowl a different line and adjust your stance at the crease when they bowl. And don't mention all this changing the sight screens nonsense. It is all completely unreasonable and interferes with my human right to score runs and take wickets - which is as difficult as it needs to be against right handers.'
FB is confident of early success in his campaign since the Justice General of the ECRH was yorked first ball by a left arm over the wicket bowler in the final game of the Court XI's season.
In his evidence to the court, FB has submitted this list of major offenders.
Sir Gary Sobers - the greatest offender of them all.
Adam Gilchrist - Freddie got to him by bowling round the wicket, but what a player.
David Gower - perhaps FB's favourite bat of all time - even though of the criminal class.
Wasim Akram - a run up any junior coach would shake his head at but when the arm came over - wham!
Alan Border - you would stake your life on him getting you out of trouble.
Andrew Strauss - gettting better and better - and now he's mastered this modern one day thing.
Marcus Trescothick - Banger by name and nature, a great loss to England's top order.
Brian Lara - he of the back lift to end all back lifts, whiplash and so light on his feet.
Derek Underwood - Deadly Derek - lethal on a drying wicket.
Graham Thorpe - an unsung hero - got England over the finishing line so many times.
Clive Lloyd - fantastic to watch, the heaviest bat in cricket and a panther in the field.
Mohammed Amir - let's hope the betting scandal doesn't cause this bright star to be lost to the game.
Ban them all!