Baked to Ashes

It is time that Fantasy Bob should draw all 3 of his readers’ attention to the approaching Ashes series.  He was sharply reminded of the imminence of the contest by seeing reports that Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting has sent a desperate message to his opposite number Andrew Strauss as he completed his packing for the trip.

‘Don’t forget to pack the urn,’ pleads Ponting. 

What does this say about the state of Australian cricket?  As his readers know, FB considers cricket without tea to be no cricket at all.  He therefore finds it deeply worrying that the Australian authorities have misplaced a piece of equipment so central to providing tea.  FB understands that it is not only in the urn department that they are struggling, but cakes and sandwiches could be a problem for them too.  Since the retirement of world class sandwich makers Warne and McGrath, the Australian tea table has looked decidedly bare. 

English coaching staff have been quick to recognise this vulnerability in the opposition.  The controversial team bonding camps and training sessions have prominently featured baking.  Unfortunately this backfired when Jimmy Anderson was injured in an over-vigorous session of Fairy Cake preparation.  Working with Chris Tremlett, they apparently went too hard at the creaming of the butter and sugar.  Anderson may be out for the first test. 

The impacts of reverse swing

Coaches were quick to defend their approach to the camps, ‘The lads were working well together, and had got the mixture to that essential light and airy texture.  Jimmy's injury was a bit of a blow, we think that it was sudden reverse swing by the spoon that did the damage.'

'Chris is very upset and it spoilt his session on frosting later that day.   But the important thing is the lads know that they need to concentrate on their basic skills if they're going to bake at the highest level.'

Commenting later Geoffrey Boycott said, 'My mother could have baked that cake with a stick of rhubarb.'