Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Lords a-Leaping

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me ten lords a-leaping.

Fantasy Bob has no idea why lords should leap or why they are identified at this part of the song.  It could as well be frogs a-leaping, or jaffa cakes - anything. But whatever they are they are supposed to represent the Ten Commandments which were an early version of the Laws of Cricket.

Moses telling
the juniors a thing or to
The match report at Exodus 20 describes how the laws were revealed to Moses.  But it tells only part of the story.  It is accepted that those Ten Commandments that feature in this report are only a selection.  There are various other commandments, bye-commandments and sub-commandments including an early version of the LBW law, which feature in other scripts.  But FB has discovered an additional set of Commandments which Moses used for the guidance of juniors playing in his team.  FB has translated them from the ancient Aramaic and brought them up to date.

  • Thou shalt have no other gods before cricket not even X-Box.
  • Thou shalt not make any graven image particularly of any preening overpaid over-tattooed footballer who is likely to wear gloves even in September for that is the kind of jessies they are.  Graven images of Dravid Sehwag or KP are probably OK.
  • Thou shalt not take the name of Fantasy Bob, or any other player who needs a rest on the way when chasing the ball to the boundary, in vain.
  • Remember the Sabbath and keep it free for friendlies and remember to bring tea for three or the wrath of FB will be upon you
  • Honour thy father and thy mother for they are younger than Fantasy Bob ever was and you don't want them to turn out anything like him.
  • Thou shalt not call Fantasy Bob for a quick single - ever.
  • Thou shalt not steal the last Mr Kipling almond slice unless you have ascertained that Fantasy Bob has declined it in favour of something else on the tea table, most probably, knowing him, an Empire Biscuit. 
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery - adults are what you are going to turn into so the longer you can put if off the better.
  • Thous shalt not bear false witness against whether you nicked that one behind relying on the fact that the aging umpire is half blind and three quarters deaf - thou shalt walk.
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's bat particularly if it is a Gray Nicolls Scoop because FB will be coveting that first.

No comments:

Post a Comment