Isle of Wonder

Bosses at go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton yesterday announced their exciting plans for their opening ceremony.

A model for Carlton's opening ceremony
- the British Team -
 the White City 1908

Noting that the Government had recently doubled the budget for the event, a spokesperson for the club said, 'It is an awesome responsibility having so much money to waste, but we are fully committed to throwing it away.'

The spokesperson was tight-lipped about details of the ceremony, except to say that it would be called 'I'll wonder........ what the point is.'

He also revealed that the spectacle would involve dancing nurses.  The spokesperson said, 'With Fantasy Bob and other senior members of the All Stars Fourth XI participating, there is always the risk of a medical emergency, so we thought we'd better have help at hand.'  There are also plans for a bell to be installed at the Grange Loan ground - so far the planning committee has not reached a view whether the one playing Greensleeves or Auld Lang Syne is to be preferred.  Both are reasonably priced at HomeBase.

In a surprise move following recent controversy, the club announced that babies would be allowed in to all events without a ticket provided they made themselves available to play for the Fourth XI.