Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Panda Bonanza - update

Fantasy Bob has learned how the senior figures at go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton are confronting some of the logistic implications of their successful bid to bring 2 Pandas to the club to play as overseas amateurs next season.  Fitness and food are the major concerns.

Gearing up for the Pandas
A source close to the management team told FB,  'Apparently Pandas spend 16 hours a day lying around just eating.  Now, some of the juniors can just about match that but it doesn't leave a lot of time for net practice.  And we must be concerned about their general levels of fitness, so we'll be working hard to get a fitness and a conditioning programme going. We'll have to get the Pandas on the cross trainer right away.  Then we'll focus on sprinting.We need our Pandas to be tigers in the field and attack the ball like Stevie Gilmour.'

500 cans a day required
Food is another issue.  FB's source set out the challenge, 'The planning assumption was that the Pandas would match the diets of previous overseas players which consisted of pizza 3 times a day - or sometimes 3 pizzas once a day.  But now we're told that Pandas are not keen on pizza.  They seem to have this thing about bamboo - and the 2 of them will need 100 kilos of the stuff a day.   Of course we are exploring the possibility of bamboo flavoured pizza with local suppliers.  But we probably need the real thing.  Our doughty groundsman tells us that this is more than can be grown in the bottom corner of Grange Loan so self supply is not an option.'

FB understands that while tinned supplies may keep things going for a while, all club members will shortly be asked to replant their potatoes and raspberries.  Those in the club who can remember the last war (ie the majority of the 4th XI) have designed this poster in support of the campaign.

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