Sunday, 26 September 2010

The mystery of Fraggle's trousers

How pink do trousers have to be before a chap notices that they are not this season's coolest shade of blue; that they are far from that sober gentlemanly black; that they could not even, with artistic licence, be described as grey?   This short tale of human frailty suggests that this could be an interesting subject for psychological research, since there are evidently wide variances between individuals.

With the end of the cricket season, the recognition dawned on our unassuming hero, all time Carlton great and Scotland star batter Fraser Fraggle Watts, that his wardrobe was deficient in the stride department.  Reduced to a crumpled selection of tracksuit bottoms and grass stained whites, it presented sartorial limitations that could no longer be tolerated by the elegant man about town such as he.  In short, his style was being cramped.  New kegs were required, and a trip to the shops would be necessary.  Fraggle prepared carefully.  Extensive research on this internet thingy identified the process of entering a shop, trying on possible leg coverings and exchanging money type stuff for the right to carry them home.   He was sure this was a skill that he could master - he had, after all, faced Brett Lee.

After fruitless explorations in Waterstones, Boots and Ann Summers, Fraggle eventually entered a gents outfitters.  Perhaps it was then that panic set in.  Or perhaps the shop's lighting was fashionably low, dim enough for the umpires to have offered the light.  Or perhaps Fraggle was distracted by his engaging banter with the attractive sales girl.  Or perhaps the incessant beat of the latest hit of Portobello rap star Dizzeee Khartah in the background took control of his mind.  Whatever.  What happened next is lost to Fraggle's memory.  He woke woozily several hours later, his purchase clutched securely in his hand.  But something had happened. A pair of trousers that he firmly recalls as being a shade of navy blue verging on black had mysteriously turned somewhat brighter.  Trying them on again in the privacy of his room, there could be no argument.  There was a distinct absence of blueness. They were decidedly on the pink side.

Fraggle was stuck.  The social event of the year was only an hour away and preparations for the Carlton CC dinner were reaching their zenith.  As popular skipper of the club, Fraggle could hardly call off in the manner of 3rd or 4th XI players at the height of the summer who find the beach beckoning.  He had even prepared his speech.  He would have to risk it. 

'Perhaps no one will notice,' he thought to himself as he buckled the belt on his new bags.

 Of course they did notice, with varying degrees of sarcasm and fellow feeling.  Many were too polite to comment.  But the evening was nevertheless a triumph and no one will ever know the truth of what happened in the shop at the moment of purchase.  Was the intended purchase really blue?  Had a cruel trick been played on our unsuspecting hero?  This is how legends and myths begin.


  1. My dear friend Steve Alleyne once wore a bright pink shirt to his beloved Empire Club in Barbados. His teammates being tough hard Barbados males did not miss out on giving their friend a severe hard time for having the audacity to wear such a coloured shirt as he entered the club pavilion. Steve being the coolest guy around stood quietly whilst the general abuse and hilarity flew in his direction questioning his ability to call himself a real male and other aspects of his makeup. After allowing his friends their turn to express their views, which went on for quite a while, eventually turned in the direction of the main instigator of this abuse and quietly indicated that he was perfectly comfortable within his own skin to allow him to wear such a colourful and bright shirt and he wondered just how many others within the group gathered could say the same! A hush came over the assembled group and no further comment about the said pink shirt was made! A very cool man was SMC Alleyne. Fraggle, I am sure you had exactly the same thoughts on Friday evening!

  2. Surely there are a number of alternative explanations:

    1. Fraggle is colour blind and thought his trousers matched his jacket.
    2. Fraggle's Mum has been on holiday and he washed his chinos at the same time as his scarlet polo necked jersey.
    3. He has bought a trendy pink suit but has yet to receive delivery of the jacket.

    Perhaps the great man could clarify which is in fact the correct position.

  3. I am reliably informed (??) by my good lady wife that Fraggle's strides are in fact a homage to Biffy Clyro - a popular beat combo from Ayrshire.

  4. Friends - many thanks - as FB commented this is how myths and legends develop. FB is sure that over the years many other explanations will emerge. Research programmes may well be funded to examine the more plausible of these.

  5. A fourth alternative would be to stick with the pink trousers and become a fully fledged Hooray Henry