Monday, 6 August 2012


Nick Symmonds
Fantasy Bob is not a great fan of tattoos.  In fact he generally recoils from the thought or sight of them.  Participants in many sports seem to take a different view and heavily inked bodies and limbs are continually on display. During the recent Euro 12 football tournament, he supported the less tattooed team playing in any particular match, and there seemed some correlation between success and level of tattooing, for the eventual winners Spain were one of the teams with cleaner skin.  He expects managers to take account of this in future selections.

Cricket too is infested with this peculiar taste.  Dale Steyn too sports some peculiar design on his upper arm and KP's art work has been on display for some time.  The arms of Jade Dernbach or Mitchell  Johnston really shouldn't be shown on prime time TV.  In FB's view things would be a lot better if they were required to play in long sleeves and it si about time the ICC acted o this issue.

Repelled as he is by the practice, FB nevertheless notes the approach of US 800 metre runner Nick Symmonds who auctioned space on his left arm for a temporary tattoo to advertise a sponsor.  The winning bidder was a Milwaukee advertising agency, which paid $11,000 for the space to advertise its Twitter handle.  Symmonds will be competing in London - he reached the semi final in Beijing - will his sponsorship assist him in getting a stage further this time round?  The heavy branding restrictions of the Olympic Games mean that he has to tape over the tattoo but it has been seen at other events where Symmonds has run this season.

Having considered the matter carefully, FB thinks Symmonds may be on to something and has decided to auction space on his body to a commercial sponsor in a similar manner.  With the cricket season rapidly reaching its final stages, there are limited opportunities to exploit FB's exposure to the vast crowds who follow the fortunes of his Carlton All Star 4th XI, so he expects competition to be keen to secure this prestigious.  There are no branding restrictions at Grange Loan or other grounds that FB can be expected to play.  FB would particularly welcome bids from manufacturers and purveyors of empire biscuits.  There is a natural partnership which will be to mutual benefit.  For the information of bidders, FB is willing to accept payment in empire biscuits. 


  1. It is gratifying to learn that the ridiculously heavy-handed and greedy Olympic branding restrictions have at least had one benefit, even if they do mean that Fantasy Bob is not permitted to arrange his empire biscuit collection in the Olympic Ring format. In offering his exposed flesh to potential sponsors, he is making the assumption that exposure of said flesh will be feasible in the current climate. A big ask I'd say.

    1. Feasible perhaps, sensible perhaps not.

  2. I had assumed, and fervently hope, that there are limits on the size of any branding players are allowed to “sport” in Scottish cricket:

    I would have thought any empire biscuit manufacturer would choose to maximise the area permitted for advertising on FB’s skin. However, the consumption of said biscuits received in payment might lead to the further expansion of FB himself and thus the empire biscuit logo - leading to FB being banned from ESCA cricket. Alternatively, he could just cover-up the offending logo – and the rest of FB - which would be a blessing to us all.

    There is an alternative form of “branding” which could easily be self-administered at the next club barbecue, should FB choose a somewhat less elaborate design.

    1. FB is going for empire biscuits or nothing - it is an exclusive offer.