Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Welcome Home

Fantasy Bob assumes that a week or so without his shambling presence in the house must have been a pleasant break for Mrs FB.  For one thing the teeming bag of cricket kit would stay where it was put for day after day, unlike most days when FB finds he has to dive into it apparently for the purpose specifically of removing an item to place in the exact position that Mrs FB is most likely to trip over it.  It has taken many years of their maturing relationship for each partner to anticipate the needs of the other in this charming way.

Nor would Mrs FB's dedicated listening to The Archers be interrupted by some mumbled comment from FB that if only he had left that short pitched ball outside off stump everything might have been different.  Mrs FB is never sure if this lament refers to a recent event, or is a recapitulation of an event that she first heard about at least a quarter of a century ago.  In that case there are many possible ways of interpreting how everything might have been so different.  It is possible in the chaos theory way of thinking that if FB had not nibbled outside off stump in June 1985, the atrocity of the Olympics would not be about to impose itself on Britain's unsuspecting population.  FB should therefore hang his head and concentrate on getting into line.  Yes, a week or so without FB's distractions could only be bliss for Mrs FB.

But it would be crushing to FB's morale if she were to show this.  It was necessary therefore that she make every effort to welcome him back  She would be up to date with the significant events that had occurred while FB was away and had prepared a speech on the issue of the rotation of seam bowlers by Andy Flower - a policy with which she fully agrees.  She might also make sure that none of FB's cricket socks had accidentally made its way into her drawers, knowing that for FB to find an odd number of cricket socks can ruin his equanimity for longer than a grown man should care about things.

Yes, there were numerous ways in which she could prepare for his return from his Indian trip.  But something special was also required.  And FB's pulse quickened when she slowly and seductively came up to him on his return and with a far off look in her eye hinted that unknown pleasures lay in store for him.  She would make him a very happy man.

FB lay back and closed his eyes in expectation of the bliss to come.  He was not disappointed.

For Mrs FB had found the perfect homecoming present for FB - a cinnamon flavour empire biscuit from Goodfellow and Steven.  If this is the reward FB might have to go away more often.

The homecoming present

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