Tuesday, 19 June 2012


Fantasy Bob has circulated an emergency message to all members of his All Stars Fourth XI of go-ahead cricket club Carlton.  This is not a course of action he has embarked upon lightly, but external events have forced his hand.

In his message he has reminded his players of the sanctions regarding the inappropriate display of underpants at moments of triumph such as scoring a six or taking a catch, or in FB's case surviving a dot ball with his wicket intact.  He has stressed that there is no place for this in East League cricket, even when playing on Edinburgh's Meadows where many of those engaged in other park type pursuits are blatantly showing their pants.  Whatever the pressures, cricket is not a pants showing environment.

FB's action follows the fine and ban imposed on Danish pace bowler Nicholas Bendtner who gave an shocked worldwide TV audience a gratuitious display of his pants in a recent Euro 2012 match.  Bendtner explained that the pants, which were a lurid green colour and advertised an on-line betting firm, were lucky pants which he had also worn in the previous match. The luck presumably comes from the large fee he might have attracted for wearing and displaying them. But even worse, there was no indication that he had washed the pants in between wearings. No punishment is therefore too high.

FB has failed throughout his long career to find a sponsor for his pants, neither Marks and Spencer nor Anne Summers expressed any interest, although he did get an interesting range of free samples from Anne Summers. He found they were not ideal for cricketing purposes, there being no natural place where his box could rest while in his normal stance. Since throughout his career FB and luck have been ships that pass in the night, FB has to assume that he has never had a pair of lucky pants. Or maybe his rejection of any opportunity to wear bright green pants has caused Lady Luck to turn her back on him.

In any case, his players are now fully aware of the rules and no gratuitous pants displays are expected for the rest of the season.


  1. I must say that seeing FB and Anne Summers in the same sentence brings a smile. Could he be the new corporate face? It would certainly be different. On a more practical note, Jeremy Paxman remonstrated a while back with the CEO of Marks and Spencer on the subject of the lack of support found in their underwear range. I am sure FB will join me in applauding this initiative.

    1. Yes but Paxman has never gone to the extreme of showing has pants following a particularly penetrating question to an evasive interviewee - much though he must be tempted.

  2. It does make one wonder what that would do for Newsnight's viewing figures.