Curled up on the sofa FB perused its contents with relish. One of the charms of this volume is that it changes genre each year - just as the SNCL has changed this year with its new much............er loved 16 team format. This year there is a profound mystery at the heart of its narrative.
There is a shadowy figure whose unnamed and unidentified presence gives a eerie feeling to each page. Not since the work of Edgar Allen Poe or Stephen King has a literary work had such a chilling impact on FB. For the handbook introduces readers to a doughty figure who is eternally vigilant, and who may well fight for truth and justice, but will certainly do anything to win the neverending war against thatch. This character first appears on page 7 where the well loved dramatis personae of the go ahead Edinburgh club Carlton are introduced - Watts and Flynn, Boyd and Robertson and President Dizzee Khartah. All well and good. But then, mysteriously, beside the entry for groundsman there is a blank. For Carlton's curator is The Groundsman With No Name.
Suggestions that this is due to a cock up on the form filling front by the go ahead Edinburgh club's mighty administrative machine have been rejected. A spokesman told FB, 'No this is deliberate. It has been clear to us all for some time that our doughty groundsman has supernatural powers. We dare not invoke his wrath by printing his name in any document associated with CricketScotland. We must venerate his every action so that he can continue to produce week in week out the finest playing surfaces in Scotland. He must remain The Groundsman With No Name.'
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| The Groundsman With No Name - on a mission to avenge |
FB understands that the film rights to the handbook have been purchased by Sergio Leone who will cast Clint Eastwood in the lead role of The Groundsman With No Name. Leone will begin filming For a Few Rollers More at Grange Loan this summer. The still shown here is taken from the first rushes and has been made available exclusively to FB.
This will no doubt be competing with The Lone Granger at next year's Oscars.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't look much like Clint Eastwood
ReplyDeleteIain - yes it is amazing what these make up people can do.
ReplyDeleteSP - thanks - very good.
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ReplyDeleteYou are right about his Super Powers, but wrong about Cricket Scotland. They know exactly who he is. He is not "El Hombre Sin Nombre". He is "He Who Shall Not Be Named." Only those who have nothing to fear may name him. Are we to take it that the Guardians of Carlton CC are as practised in the Dark Arts as Cricket Scotland?
ReplyDeletejaykay - FB thinks you may take it that the Guardians of Carlton CC are practiced artists in all lights.
ReplyDeleteI found myself pondering on the insight offered by jaykay. All great works of fiction such as "Harry Potter", "Marvel Comics" and "the Holy Bible" personify the struggle between the forces of good and evil through their central characters.
ReplyDeleteAt the club, virtues such as optimism, compassion, consideration, empathy etc are manifested in John Boyd. So if John is our Harry Potter then to maintain the balance it is feasible that "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named", "The Dark Lord", "Voldemort" himself may well be driving the mower?
I will wait for "the Scottish National Cricket League Handbook & the Philosopher's Stone" to see how this story unfolds.
Many thanks - is FB correct in inferring that you are claiming that the SNCL handbook is a work of fiction?
ReplyDelete