Monday, 7 March 2011

Health and Safety

Snood wearer
 at risk of being hanged
Fantasy Bob notes with mixed feelings that FIFA has finally banned the hateful snood.  In a statement Sepp Blatter (the senior heid bummer at the disgraced football  fashion and money grubbing organisation) said that it is dangerous and could lead to players getting hanged.  FB's feelings are mixed - he agrees with the general sentiment that footballers wearing these things look like a bunch of perfumed jessies (not that he has anything against perfumed jessies, it is just not an image that he would personally choose).  But this hanging possibility seems an opportunity missed. There are many players who deserve to be hanged - if not for the inept displays they offer week in week out, then for the flagrant and tasteless counting of money in front of the unprivileged in which they indulge.

But FB notes Mr Blatter's sudden conversion to Health and Safety concerns.  He urges the cricketing authorities to review the game with a similar regard to player safety.  For instance, that hard red thing that cricketers throw at each other seems a bit dangerous and might safely be replaced with a foam based alternative.  And that stick like thing that 2 of them have in their hands looks like something you could club a baby seal with.  FB is surprised that it has not been the subject of protests from animal liberationists.  Come on ICC get moving before players get serious injuries, or hernias.

Impaling tools
FB recalls how many moons ago stumps could have steel reinforced tips, the easier to be screwed into the unyielding ground.  Some bright spark thought that there was a risk of a fielder being mortally stabbed by a stump as it was cartwheeled out of the ground by pace bowling; and so they were banned.  FB cannot recall the last time he saw anyone hit by a cartwheeling stump (if the bowler is that fast the fielders tend to be in the middle distance anyway) let alone with the force that could lead to an impaling.  But better to be safe and sorry and now as soon as the ground dries up all manner of pile driving equipment is necessary to get the stumps in. But the risk of impaling is gone - thank heavens.

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