Thursday, 17 March 2011

England v W Indies - that's entertainment

A telephonic communication
apparatus such as used by FB
to interlocute with Mr Strauss
This is the transcript of Fantasy Bob's telephone conversation with Andrew Strauss (at least he said he was Andrew Strauss) last night.

........................So, Straussy old chap, now we can find what your team is made of.  All this being entertaining and bringing life to a dull tournament is very worthy - a very British thing to do.  But now you're at the money end of the deal.  Must win.  But even if you win, you might not make it should results later this week go against you.  What's it to be?

Maybe you all just want to get home.  Those March winds and gales that you see on the weather channel must be quite appealing compared to the hot steamy subcontinent.  In 9 weeks you've played cricket on 16 occasions.  Blimey, what a work load no wonder you poor dears are tired. 

It's must win.  So how is it going to go?  What are you thinking?  Dare you open with Prior again?  Will he be briefed this time about how he can be stumped?  Yes, it might well have seemed a reasonable assumption that as a keeper he might have been familiar with it already.  But look what happened. 

And have you noticed that Benn has opened the bowling for W Indies repeatedly.  So don't be surprised when the slow bowler comes at you from the off and try to slap him out of the ground for the hell of it.

And can you think a bit about the batting powerplay?  It's been a bit of a Horlicks for you so far.  It would be better if Morgan were at the crease during it - and perhaps it doesn't always have to be at over 40.

 The best that you've managed against the Test teams in the group is a pathetic 33 for 2 against Bangladesh, while against India you courted disaster with a collapse of 25 for 4. In the low-scoring game against South Africa, you left it too late.  So get some thinking done.

Chennai is a bowlers' wicket.  So what about Jimmy Anderson?  Are you going with him or not?  You can't afford another 9 ball over from him like against Bangla.   And get Swann take his anti-whinging pill before the match.  Balls get damp - deal with it.  Shazhad will bowl 3 pies for every jaffa - you need better.

Coolest cricketer ever
 And what are you facing?  Gayle is the main man - the coolest cricketer in the universe averages 56.52 in ODI in India.  Pollard is a pie eater  94 off 55 balls against Ireland but he lacks consistency.  Roach has looked hostile and Benn top drawer and hard to score off, but the rest is effective but not threatening.

Danger - explosion
You've been better chasing, so win the toss and bowl.
You have by far the better record in head to head ODIs - even if the last world cup encounter was a scrambled one wicket win with one ball to go affair. 

Mind you on this competition's form that is a huge margin of victory for England..............................So what's it to be?..................Straussy Old Chap.


  1. next time don't use mrs. strauss' phone to call. he might at least say "hello"