Friday, 28 December 2012

A Bridge Too Far

Fantasy Bob has noticed with interest that the authorities responsible for building the new Forth Bridge have run out of imagination.  So much so that they are inviting members of the public to nominate a name for the bridge, for it must have a name.

FB should declare here a proprietary interest in this subject.  Many years ago he was engaged in an earlier attempt to build a new crossing (as bridges are known to technocrats).  Many years he laboured at this project.  Regrettably however the powers that be were not impressed with his novel design making use of lego, lollipop sticks and chewing gum and they pulled the plug on the project.

FB never got so far as thinking of a name for his bridge.  He is not sure he would have hit on the ruse of asking members of the public for a name - an approach he associates with naming Blue Peter Guide Dogs and such like.  Names suggested so far indicate that at least the public have not been confused - their names are not appropriate for a Guide Dog.  Whether they are appropriate for a bridge is another matter.  Chris Hoy, Andy Murray, Queen Elizabeth all get a mention.

But there is one Scottish hero that has not so far been mentioned and surely deserves to.  A bridge named Fantasy Bob would surely honour Scotland beyond imagination.  Scotland could be the first nation ever to have a bridge named after a cricketer (even one as ineffective as FB).  There must be some meaning in the fact that his initials also stand for Forth Bridge.

Having considered these points, FB (the cricketer) is sure that his world wide readership will be writing to the authorities saying that the FB (the bridge) should be named the FB.

FB taking its place alongside its neighbours


  1. Strictly speaking, in this technocratic age, the new bridge should be named FB 2.1, or 2.2 if we count the rail bridge. The beauty of this system is that it can be continued indefinitely as more bridges are built, thus ensuring FB's legacy to the end of time - or the end of play - whichever comes first. So elegant is this solution that I would even be prepared to withdraw my own suggestion - The Forth Amendment - in its favour.