Saturday, 27 November 2010

Oh Mr Porter

Porter - master of the googly
With England having to climb a very steep hill in Brisbane following Hussey's return to form, Fantasy Bob thinks his readers might welcome the opportunity to contemplate other things.

Fantasy Bob has long been an admirer of Cole Porter the great American songwriter.  A great lyric writer - test match quality.  FB had not thought that Porter, as an American, was interested in cricket, but FBs recent researches in the Cole Porter archive have discovered this discarded manuscript an early draft of the classic list song Brush up your Shakespeare which would appear in Kiss Me Kate, possibly Porters finest musical.  Judge for yourself whether Porters relationship with cricket should be re-evaluated.

The girls today on an Ashes trip
Go for classical batsmanship
To win their hearts one must bat all day
Like Hobbs Hammond or Peter May
But the batter of them all
Who will get them goin’ mad, man
Is the batter people call
The Don – the great Donald Bradman.

Brush up your Bradman
Start quoting him now
Brush up your Bradman
And the women you will wow
If your strokes through the covers are wanting
Just imagine that you’re Ricky Ponting
When your girlfriend’s ardour is fadin’
Square cut it just like Mathew Hayden
And if your true lover she falters
Play right down the line like Doug Walters
Brush up your Bradman
And they’ll all kow tow.

Brush up your Bradman
Start quoting him now
If your girl complains that you’ve vexed her
Well give it the charge like Ted Dexter
You can’t be a coward or cower
Play with the flair of a Gower
But when your chatter gets too slick
Go back to the Marcus Trescothick
Brush up your Bradman
And they’ll all kow tow.

Brush up your Bradman
Start quoting him now
If your love should get suddenly avid
Go onto the back foot like Dravid
If she says your passion is phony
Then it’s time to start sweeping like Dhoni
But when you want your love to go faster
Start driving like the Little Master
Sachin Tendulkar
And we’ll all kow tow
Yes we’ll all kow tow
Not out!
Yes we’ll all kow tow

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