Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Batting For World Peace

Fantasy Bob has learned that the World Air Guitar Championships finished last week in Finland. 

The Devil's Niece in championship form
 The overall winner was Aline "The Devil's Niece" Westphal.  FB's readers might think that air guitar would be a male preserve mostly for young men who have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that young ladies require to be engaged in something approaching conversation.  How wrong would FB's readers be - all 3 of them are seriously out of touch, for in this equal opportunities world, the new Air Guitar World Champion is female, as indeed were a number of the finalists.  But this is the first female world champion. 

The leading British entry was eighth -  Kate "Zero Prospects" Gray - obviously named in honour of British tennis players.

The stated objective of the Air Guitar Championships is to promote world peace – according to Air Guitar ideology, wars will end, climate change stop and all bad things disappear if all the people in the world play the Air Guitar.  Yes, says FB, let's do it.  Rock on.

FB considers that it is time for cricketers to absorb this message.  He is therefore inviting entries for the World Air Batting Championships.  Contestants will have to demonstrate how they would play an innings of Test Match Quality - without a bat and with no bowling.  Contestants will be allowed to make clucking noises to demonstrate the sound of the ball flying of the middle of the non-existent bat.   The judges will expect a range of front foot, back foot and freestyle shots to be demonstrated.  Additional points will be awarded for dress, make up and for the contestant's commitment to world peace.

The World Air Batting Championships - you heard about it first from Fantasy Bob.

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