Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey

Fantasy Bob had noticed that the women on his lengthy bus ride to his place of work seemed increasingly focussed on reading from electronic media. He had assumed that some at least might be members of his worldwide readership and would be perusing his latest wittering, unaware that they were in the presence of the creator. The evidence was compelling - none of them did so much as crack a smile at what they were reading.

However now Fantasy Bob has discovered that instead of concentrating on his descriptions of his feats on the field of play, his travel companions are enjoying something equally fantastical but considerably more steamy. For downloads of electronic versions of the EL James' novel Fifty Shades of Grey have broken all sales records and continue to climb as the two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed have just been issued. Apparently every woman in the entire world is reading these books.

The book is described as highly erotic, telling the story of an intense relationship between a young woman and an older man which is based on BDSM. Fantasy Bob was unsure what this meant and diligent research tells him that it means Bondage and Discipline Sado Masochism. FB was about to describe his research as painstaking but that would be a bad joke too poor even for him. But he assures his readership that he took no pleasure in what he found. For it suggested clearly to him that there might be an undue amount of leg spin bowling described in the book. Even though many reviews of the book say it is a compelling description of the exercise of power that is at the root of all relationships between batter and bowler, FB fails to see how this can be so attractive to his female travelling companions. Before passing further judgement, he will wait until Mrs FB has perused this volume, for, while she is an assiduous reader of new fiction, FB has not noticed her tastes inclining previously to leg spin.  He wonders if he should start to worry.

However FB has taken careful note of this development in the taste of the female audience. He is aware that a significant proportion of his world wide readership is female and they will therefore regard Fifty Shades as a model for him to emulate. He will do his best to bring a new erotic charge to his work. It is clearly time to reinforce the aphrodisiac properties of the empire biscuit. However if they think he is going to face leg spin bowling for any longer than he has to, they will be sadly disappointed.


  1. Fifty Shades of Grey is certainly recommended by female friends, though I have yet to find a man who has admitted to reading it. FB could however spice up his musings by doing some research - for example, the phrase "FB was tied down at the pavilion end for most of his innings" would take on a whole new meaning.

  2. And it would be no more than he deserved for having unspiced musings.