Saturday, 14 July 2012

Chicken Wings

Fantasy Bob was woken from his slumbers when he noticed that Carlton was trending on Twitter yesterday.  This was the big time - only Brett Lee's retirement and Harrison Ford's 70th birthday seemed to be of equal importance.

FB understands that the majority of his worldwide readership of 3 will be surprised to learn that he has ever heard of Twitter let alone knows its jargon well enough to refer to something trending.  After all Ludwig Van Beethoven never tweeted, even the bird calls in the second movement of the Pastoral Symphony can no longer be described as tweets.


FB wondered what had stimulated the world wide interest. Presumably there was devastation that his All Star Fourth XI's tussle with the venerables of Holy Cross at the weekend was yet another hostage to fortune and this summer's weather had excited the twitteratti. Or was it a more mundane matter such as the umpteenth cancellation of the first team's T20 semi final against Edinburgh rivals Grange was attracting attention.

Something was in the air. He clicked to discover a series of tweets reporting that a Carlton skipper was in trouble. His heart sank. What crime might Fraggle Watts Carlton's ever popular skipper, irreverent tweeter and Scotland stalwart have committed? Had he donned his famous highly coloured trousers again in broad daylight in one of Edinburgh's more conservative locales? This would indeed be an outrage. Defense counsel could be hard to find.

FB looked further into the downpour of tweets and was relieved to find that Fraggle seemed to be in the clear. There was no mention of trousers of any colour. Instead the focus of attention seemed to be not on Carlton as in the go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton, but on Carlton as in the Australian Rules Football Team of the same name. Now FB doesn't know much about Australian Rules, except that its name seems to be a misleading. It is transparently a game for those who find any concept of rules a bit challenging. Or who find rugby not quite rough enough. And who have no use for sleeves.

Judd discussing with an opponent
whether chicken wings are better with BBQ or peri-peri sauce 
Carlton, to whom FB must attach his loyalty, were well and truly stuffed by local rivals Melbourne North (also known as the Kangaroos) in the day's match. Carlton's skipper Chris Judd apparently faces a disciplinary review for an alleged chicken wing tackle on an opponent. This meant nothing to FB.  But ever eager to learn he has discovered that a chicken wing tackle pins the tackled player's arm behind his back to prevent him playing the ball.  In addition it seems to dislocate his shoulder.  Remarkably it is not banned in the game, for, as FB observed above Australian Rules Football is not for those who enjoy rules.  Or wear sleeves - not that they are any protection against dislocation.

FB is relieved that this tactic has been extirpated from cricket.  FB is fairly sure that pinning a batsman to the ground would be seen by even the most indulgent umpire as obstructing the batsman and the severe penalty of 5 runs would follow.  That's how to deal with it and the Aussie Football people must do the same. Chicken wings should never be seen in the cricket field - only in Nandos.  And sleeves should be worn.  Keep tweeting @realfantasybob.


  1. As FB has observed, Australian Rules Football is to rugby what shinty is to hockey - i.e same idea but with the minimum of rules to interrupt play. Plus they have the advantage of 2 extra goalposts, just in case they had too many tinnies the night before.

    1. FB wonders whether you might be stereotyping there - something that FB never does.

  2. Regretting that my attempts at humour have fallen on stony ground. I shall keep my peace hereafter.