Wild Things

Fantasy Bob was sad to learn of the recent death of the children's author Maurice Sendak.  Sendak wrote and illustrated the classic children's picture book 'Where the Wild Things Are' a work which kept FB's son and heir entertained when he was an infant.

The book tells the story of Max, who, sent bed without supper for getting up to mischief, imagines a world with fierce monsters whom he manages to subdue and dance with. Eventually he feels lonely and returns to his bedroom where his supper is waiting for him. Good old Mum.  Everything is safe and sound and he is loved after all.

The book has no cricketing or other sporting references, but a number of sportsmen have been given the nickname Wild Thing.  Two come instantly to FB's mind - Australian fast bowler Shaun Tait and American golfer John Daly.

Wild Thing

Shaun Tait earned the name because of the pace of his bowling. He delivers with a possibly unique action which puts a big lateral twist on his spine which has caused him all kinds of other problems. But he is quick. He bowled the fastest ball ever recorded in Australia - 160.7 km/h in a T20 match against Pakistan in 2010. He topped 161 km/h again against England later that year and only Shoab Ahktar has recorded a faster ball. But he can also be erratic - so the name Wild Thing has a double meaning. While he has been called expensive, his ODI stats in particular don't really justify that criticism - in 35 ODIs he took 73 wickets at 24.11 and in the 2007 World Cup was second top wicket taker in the tournament with 23 wickets at 20.30. He has a long history of injuries and has gradually limited his cricketing - withdrawing first from Test and First Class matches and more recently from ODI to play exclusively in T20. He played T20 for Surrey in 2011 and is playing at present in the IPL for the Rajasthan Royals for whom he took 3-13 against Pune earlier this week. There is no suggestion that he is a Wild Thing off the field.

Wild Thing

In John Daly however is wild on the course and off it. He became an overnight sensation in 1991 when he won the USPGA. He only got his place through the late withdrawal of a higher ranked player and drove through the night to play. His huge back swing launched the ball prodigious distances and his grip it and rip attitude was real blue collar and endeared him to the crowd. Drink, gambling, divorce - trouble of every sort just followed him around. He was the genuine Wild Thing in all respects. But the crowds always flock to follow him. He won the Open at St Andrews in 1995. Most recently he seems to have calmed down and the wildest thing about him are his trousers - a name brand which he promotes on the course.

In April 2010, Daly released his debut music album called "I Only Know One Way." He wrote orco-wrote eight tracks on the album which also includes a version of Bob Dylan's Knockin' On Heaven's Door. What it doesn't include is a cover of Wild Thing which was a number one hit for the Troggs in 1966.  Now that really is the something to frighten children.

 

New Directions

Fantasy Bob thought hard about it.  He has looked at from every angle.  He has taken careful account of the rewards likely to be available for success.  He has considered how many regard a physique such as his peculiarly suited.  He has hummed.  He has hawed.  He has taken advice.  He has gone for long walks turning things over in his mind.

Finally, he has come to a conclusion.  He will say no.  He will tell all the promoters wanting to sign him that they must find someone else.  He will thank them for their interest.  He will recognise their disappointment.

But his conclusion is clear.

Cage fighting is not for him.

To be clear.  FB is of the opinion that boxing is brutality with rules and there should be no place for it in the cannon of sport or the Olympics.  There are too many instances of fighters suffering brain damage.  However he is aware enough to know that banning it will simply make things worse by driving it underground where participants will be less protected physically and financially.  The organised sport is the lesser of the 2 evils.  Organised cage fighting just seems a stage further towards barbarism than boxing - there is a huge symbolism that it takes place in a cage.  But underground versions would be, and are, worse.

FB of course is soft beyond soft.  He therefore does not really understand why or how anyone would put themselves in fighting situations voluntarily. He does not understand why the audience would not prefer a string quartet to serenade them. But his long experience of captaincy tells him it takes all sorts.

But if he thought of a type of person less likely to be a cage fighter it would be a former captain of the England cricket team.  This seems to be a role to be undertaken by a higher class of being. For example it seems beyond he realm of possibility that Colin Cowdrey or Mike Brearley, or David Gower, or Ted Dexter would see that their time at the crease could usefully be followed with a no holds barred mixed martial arts encounter.

Adam Hollioake then - about to grapple with Steve Waugh

Hollioake now - having his forward defence exposed.

However cage fighting is what Adam Hollioake has decided is his destiny.

Hollioake played 4 Tests for England and 35 ODI, including 14 as captain. He captained Surrey from 1997 to 2003, winning the Championship in 1999, 2000 and 2002.   Altogether Surrey won 9 trophies under his leadership, making him one of the most successful captain of all time.  He made his cage fighting debut last week at the age of 40.

FB wonders whether there was any hint of this later career choice in his success as a captain.

Did his players perform for him because they were concerned that if  they failed with bat or ball, they would get a hard smack in the mouth or be pinned to the floor in an agonising wrestling hold?

Perhaps the players in FB's All Star Fourth XI should be relieved that FB opted against the new career opportunity.

Homeland

Fantasy Bob has been gripped over recent weeks by the TV thriller series Homeland. As is the way with these things the end of the series left all kinds of loose ends unresolved to allow series 2,3 and on to infinity.

FB understands that a series 2 is already in the can.  It tells the compelling tale of English actor Damian Lewis.  Lewis is an archetypical British hero.  He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and attended Eton.  At school he is reported to have excelled in sport - in particular cricket, golf and football.  In flashbacks meticulously restaged we see him supporting Wales in the 6 nations championship; we see him lobbing former Arsenal keeper Jens Lehman in a charity football match, we hear of him turning out for celebrity cricket XIs.  He is the all British action hero.  He becomes an actor and all is going well.

However he is captured while on a routine acting mission to the USA.  No one knows when he returns to Britain whether he has been turned by his American captors and is now as committed to baseball, basketball and gridiron as he was to British sports.  Are his guest appearances on Have I Got News For You part of the devious campaign to undermine British sport?

Lewis and brother
prior to charity cricket match

Lewis in football action - is it all a front?

The clock is ticking and the race is on to discover the truth......................don't miss this addictive new drama.

A Match Report

Fantasy Bob is alternatively too modest or too ashamed to refer in his Witterings to his own activities on the cricket field.  Those of his world wide readership who are interested in such matters know to look on the website of go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton and scan the doings of the All Star 4th XI.  The sensible majority ignore this opportunity completely and get on with their busy lives.

FB breaks a rule of his blog by inviting his worldwide readership to view the report of yesterday's match (5 May 2012).  It can be found on this link.  It was a remarkable game with a remarkable denouement. A shame one team had to lose and all that.................... Readers with  busy lives may wish to ignore the first half of the match report, which is a load of FB's usual tosh, and cut to the dramatic action towards the end.  It is a pity that the paparazzi who make FB's life a constant challenge chose yesterday to be elsewhere so there is no photographic record of these deeds.  But poets will long sing of them.

'Aren't our policemen getting younger,' is no less true for being a cliche.  'Aren't our cricketers getting younger' must now join it in everyday linguistic use.

FB would like to pay tribute to yesterday's opponents from Holy Cross CC.  Their youth development policy is not quite so advanced as Carlton's although there were signs of progress yesterday in that they claimed to have 2 players under 40 in the XI.

But it is a great tribute to cricket that it can stimulate a group of senior members of the community to come together for the game year after year week in week out, and play with such youthful love and enthusiasm for the game. He knows that many of them are, misguidedly, among the more faithful of his worldwide readership of 3.  Despite their hopes, he cannot make any jokes at their expense.  Long may they continue and demonstrate how cricket, above all games, brings the generations together in a common enterprise.  Would there were more of this in these challenging times.

CB40

And now for something completely different....................  If Fantasy Bob's worldwide audience did not know that this was FB's work they might almost think it was intelligent cricket comment.

Fantasy Bob will be joining the dedicated band of Scottish cricket supporters at Edinburgh's Citylets Grange today as Scotland get their 2012 CB40 campaign off to a start.  He hopes that CricketScotland have invested in some patio heaters, for the weather forecasters are predicting the return of winter('Return?! - it's never gone away,' scream all inhabitants of Scotia's fair land)  this weekend.

CB40 and WD40 are not to be confused.  No one has ever coaxed recalcitrant sparking plugs to life with CB40.  The CB40 competition has 3 groups of 7 - the winner of each group and the best overall second go through to the semi-final. Qualification for the semi-final stages therefore looks a big ask for the Scots.  They face last year's champions Surrey today.  Also in Scotland's group are runners up for 2 successive years Somerset.  Surrey warmed up for their trip to Edinburgh  by crushing Somerset by 105 runs on Friday.

What should be the measure of success for Scotland in this competition?  This is its 3rd year.  In each of the 2 previous years, despite high hopes, Scotland have managed to win only 2 of their 12 matches.

The time has passed when occasional victories against county opposition should be considered a triumph, however pleasing they are on the day.  A real measure of progress would be for the Scots to win as many as they lose of these games - this would probably produce and outside chance of qualification.  

Scotland now field a team of predominantly full time cricketers.  But full time in Scotland's sense does not mean playing hard competitive cricket day in day out.  And this is the difference.  Any amount of net practice and strength and conditioning is no substitute for real play.  It is clear to FB that the county sides know how to control games either batting or bowling. They have depth in each. Scotland have still some way to go to match them.

And here is a real dilemma for Scotland.  Ireland have abandoned playing in the CB40 and play only international fixtures, reflecting their aspiration to gain Test status.  A large number of Irish players play for counties - and so play in this competition anyway.  Although some Scottish players are with counties, they have some way to match the Irish.  Exposing Scottish players to more higher level competition must be right, but is it bringing quick enough and sustainable gains?

Both Surrey and Notts (whom the Scots face on Monday) will bring some high quality cricketers to Edinburgh.  Perhaps mercifully for Scotland's bowlers KP is still smashing it all over for the Dehli Daredevils, although how he would react to single figure temperatures would be interesting.  But they do bring Jacques Rudolph - 43 Tests for South Africa and the leading run scorer in the CB40 competition.  They also bring English ODI bowler Jade Dernbach with his strange mixture of slower, even slower and yet still slower balls.  FB doesn't understand how he can be described as a fast bowler when all he bowls are slower balls. If this is the criterion, FB is still a pace bowler.

The Clydesdale bank backed this competition for 3 years as a replacement for the Friends Provident.  FB does not know whether they will continue.  Yet again there is uncertainty about the future structure of English cricket.  The Morgan report seems to have met with limited support - the players are the most recent interest group to express scepticism.  Notable in their response was the proposal that there should be an English style IPL concentrated in the middle of the season rather than spread across it as the present competition is.  That players suggest the authorities should institute a money-spinning alternative is perhaps no surprise, but it has yet to be seen as a practicable or bankable proposition in the English set up.  The 40 or 50 over game risks getting squeezed and that won't help the development of Scottish players.

So there is lots to think about as FB shivers at the Grange.  Better wear a hat to keep those brain cells from seizing up.

COME ON SCOTLAND - let's make this the season that the Counties are made to sit up and take notice. That will give options for the future.

Battersea

Go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton were quick to deny that they had expressed an interest in the purchase of Battersea Power Station for the purpose of developing a new ground.  Rumours abounded in London's property circles that the Scottish cricket champions would step in after minor football outfit Chelsea had announced plans to redevelop the site which would involve using the iconic building's iconic chimneys as iconic goal posts.  Local residents told reporters 'A replica of Grange Loan on the South Bank is just what this area needs. It would be iconic.'

Animals
Pink Floyd
1977

A spokesman for the club told Fantasy Bob, 'Yes, we had looked at the Battersea option, but the club's planning commitee had to take account of the fact that it was the cover for what most of them regard as one of Pink Floyd's poorer albums.  They didn't think it appropriate for a club of our status.  However having looked at the Floyd's career as a whole, the committee is now evaluating options for a new Grange Loan on the Dark Side of the Moon.'  Now that would be iconic.

Dark Side of the Moon
Pink Floyd
1973

The Hundred Acre Wood CC - Again

Many posts ago Fantasy Bob discovered that the works of AA Milne had been tampered with prior to publication.  Their rightful focus on cricket, which would have reflected their cricketing author's true interests, had been removed.  FB has furthered his researches and finds that wet weather was just as much of concern to the Hundred Acre Wood CC as it is to clubs in this very wet start to the season.

Chapter 9 of Winnie the Pooh starts as follows:

It rained and it rained and it rained. Piglet told himself that never in all his life, and he was goodness knows how old - three was it or four - never had he seen so much rain. Days and days and days.........


It then goes on to tell of how Piglet is stranded by the flood water and how Pooh and Christopher Robin come to his aid using Christopher Robin's upturned umbrella as a boat. Charming in its own way, but no patch on what Milne really sent to his publisher.

......Never had Piglet seen so much rain. Piglet was a very small animal and as number 3 batsman in the Hundred Acre CC First XI he preferred to see the sun shining and the wicket hard and firm. Piglet was not a bold animal, he was mainly a backfoot player. He wished he was different and that one day he would get onto the front foot and smack the ball over the bowler's head. There was no chance of that today. The wicket was wet, the outfield was wet, Piglet was wet.


Piglet was in the Club's Pavilion early because Rabbit had said crossly to his team after last week’s match. ‘Someone had better come early on Saturday to set the ground up and make sure the visiting dressing room is clean.’ Rabbit was the team skipper and was a very cross animal. He found that being cross and waving his arms a lot made him feel very efficient as captain. Sometimes however he felt his team could show more enthusiasm at his orders.  When he felt that he found that waving his arms a bit faster would make him feel better.


Piglet asked Pooh, ‘When Rabbit said someone, who did he mean?’ ‘I don’t know someone I suppose.’ Pooh replied. ‘Yes, but which someone?’ Said Piglet.


One by one the team concluded that they weren’t someone, or at least they weren’t that someone, until only Piglet was left, and he couldn’t think why he wasn’t someone. ‘After all,’ said Pooh. ‘Rabbit was looking at you when he said it so that makes you someone.’ And so Piglet had come early. 


On his way to the Pavilion he passed the groundsman Eeyore’s dark and gloomy place. ‘You’re wasting your time it’s going to rain all day.’ said Eeyore rather sadly. Piglet replied cheerfully, ‘The weather forecast said we should get a break in the clouds later. We could play on the artificial.’ ‘We haven’t got an artificial,’ said Eeyore gloomily.


Piglet had tidied everything as well as a small animal can. Rabbit entered and immediately said in a cross voice, ‘As I said last week, what we need is covers. If we had covers we would have a nice dry wicket. I don’t see how I can be expected to bat on a wet wicket like that. It was the same last week, the wicket got me out just as I’d played myself in.’

‘You were bowled first ball by a full toss.’


‘Precisely.’ It was hard to point things out to Rabbit.


One by one the team arrived and got ready for the match. Rabbit had decided to bowl first. ‘If it had been up to me, would have batted first but Eeyore didn’t think that wise,’ he said crossly. ‘I can’t see why. I feel in good nick, I could get a hundred today.’


‘That’s what you said last week.’ said a voice very like Eeyore’s.

There was a silence, which all the team recognised as an awkward silence. Clearing his throat, Rabbit then said ‘Now, where’s Pooh?’


Pooh was the wicketkeeper and the team couldn’t take the field without him. Just as Rabbit was getting ready to say something very cross indeed, the door opened and Pooh came in. He immediately tripped over Tigger. Tigger was the team's fast bowler. He was extremely energetic and was doing press ups behind the door.


Pooh rolled over and the sack he was carrying over his shoulder fell open. ‘What are those Pooh?’ asked Piglet. Pooh proudly answered, ‘Rabbit said he wanted covers, so I brought all the covers off my honey jars. Will they do?’


There was another silence, which was recognised as even more awkward than the last awkward silence, before Rabbit left the room without speaking. He slammed the door behind him and it quivered in its frame for as long as Piglet could hold his breath. As he drew breath again, Piglet heard a long shouted speech outside in which the only words he could distinctly make out were, ‘That bear of little brain.’


Later that evening, after the match had been abandoned because of more rain, Christopher Robin met Pooh. ‘Rabbit was so cross. How was I to know what he meant by covers ?’ said Pooh ‘The only covers I know are my bedcovers and my jar covers.’ ‘Poor Pooh,’ said Christopher Robin, ‘you were only trying to be helpful.’


Pooh said sadly, ‘Sometimes it is hard to know what Rabbit means when he shouts and waves his arms. I’m wicketkeeper so I know where I stand, but the others just guess and that makes him crosser.’ ‘Yes,’ said Christopher Robin, ‘that is what captains are like.' Christopher Robin helped Pooh take off his wet boots. 'I expect Rabbit was thinking of things to keep the rain off the wicket.’

‘Oh.’ Said Pooh. ‘You mean like umbrellas.' He paused then said, 'Couldn’t we get him a very big umbrella.’


‘That is a very good idea, Pooh.’ said Christopher Robin. ‘I’m sure I’ll manage that. What a clever bear you are to think of that.’


And as Christopher Robin left, Pooh put his still slightly damp feet up. With a smile on his face, he thought to himself, ‘I have all those jars of honey with no covers on. It would be a shame to waste them.’  Maybe the rain wasn't so bad after all.