tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45945300129189255672024-03-06T01:00:32.739+00:00WITTERINGSWITTERINGS -
CRICKET, LIFE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFFfantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.comBlogger1218125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-6275350265263602002021-04-22T10:05:00.000+01:002021-04-22T10:05:21.319+01:00Bats<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgXITAQKsKnktzrxs3sFepRCmM5qPj1cBf2fvoAHO-D0NhURc4ubsjOFmWFwnRjimqPzhcYVaHja_pVcI7WrbnCxqqTSK-ykpF7PXqrsQL6x7wSSYA1aLmRkt5xYImiD-GoGp6LeeBL2gG/s3264/IMG_0748.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgXITAQKsKnktzrxs3sFepRCmM5qPj1cBf2fvoAHO-D0NhURc4ubsjOFmWFwnRjimqPzhcYVaHja_pVcI7WrbnCxqqTSK-ykpF7PXqrsQL6x7wSSYA1aLmRkt5xYImiD-GoGp6LeeBL2gG/s320/IMG_0748.JPG" /></a></div><br /></div><br /> 'YOU'VE DONE WHAT?'<p></p><p>The carefully arranged daffodils (<a href="https://fantasybob.blogspot.com/2021/03/daffodils.html">see earlier post</a>) shook in their vase as the locked caps<br /> of Mrs FB's expostulation disturbed the air around them. Fantasy Bob could never describe his life partner as indelicate, but finding an alternative word to describe the spraying of toast crumbs stretched his limited vocabulary. But he thought it advisable not to observe as much.</p><p>Breakfast had been proceeding uneventfully. There were no signs of danger as FB calmly spread blueberries over his muesli. In retrospect, as with the birdsong preceding the artillery barrages at the Somme, the tranquillity was misleading. But it lured FB into a fatal pronouncement. Just as Mrs FB brought the coffee cup to her lips, he quietly admitted that he had bought a new bat. </p><p>As FB, unobtrusively as possible in the circumstances, removed the shrapnel of toast and raspberry jam from the surface of his muesli, she proceeded,</p><p>'Whatever for?'</p><p>FB was sure this question was rhetorical - her long years of cohabitation with him should have left little doubt in her mind about the purposes to which a cricket bat is put. She continued,</p><p>'This house is full of cricket bats.'</p><p>FB felt that some form of apologia was required. He explained that his trusty Gray Nicolls, which had served him well for several years, had revealed a significant crack on his previous evening's visit to pre-season practice. Inspection of its ancestors also confirmed that none of them was fit for active service.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg78DrNnWKfCDiB64cn7vUYBOHCDpJuLT81kmsUCH6tPNZmiutZx27ybLcJBbjh5PkbUxl8dp7mHTKt2K0hkV4HVTFuslctUtToAUPigNoSM1efDlvUrqB40KDxEABN8mbBWjvhBX6u1PBI/s640/collage.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg78DrNnWKfCDiB64cn7vUYBOHCDpJuLT81kmsUCH6tPNZmiutZx27ybLcJBbjh5PkbUxl8dp7mHTKt2K0hkV4HVTFuslctUtToAUPigNoSM1efDlvUrqB40KDxEABN8mbBWjvhBX6u1PBI/s320/collage.png" /></a></div><br /> It was an emotional account. The demise of a favourite cricket bat requires to be treated with solemnity and respect. A period of mourning is necessary. But grief was not for Mrs FB.<p></p><p>'You're not really going to play are you? You can barely run these days.'</p><p>FB had to acknowledge that his fight back from injury was a slow process; a quick single might present a challenge. However he pointed out that, according to the literature accompanying his new purchase, the need for running would be avoided since with this new bat he would be 'striking the ball with confidence to the boundary.'</p><p>Mrs FB was unkind enough to suggest that a more likely reason for not needing to run would be his inability to lay a bat on anything, particularly the straight ones.</p><p>'Anyway,' she said, betraying her underlying concern that FB's purchase might have diminished his jewellery purchase fund by an uncomfortable amount, 'how much did this geegaw set you back?'</p><p>Sotto voce FB confessed.</p><p>Mrs FB's eyebrows rose. </p><p>'Based on your recent performances that could be about £50 per run.'</p><p>Exactly, thought FB to himself, a bargain.</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-86448592800024225502021-04-12T09:45:00.004+01:002021-04-13T20:50:12.650+01:00Line and Length of Duty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbbN2w8NM2SRF0LJjNw3vdSrsBLInJpySgPb4jIuEQkUi9bGPeHmBbvU88oqnj5ciSkVD0MRLpCODFvH-Bo5FOdxzeliIew2UhFEx5VSLmz7QyTqOkDKFyppUpbQuw4KTCkmly0SaCdLY/s620/17856883-high_res-line-of-duty-series-5-80d2011-e1586173945582-0eb8687.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="620" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbbN2w8NM2SRF0LJjNw3vdSrsBLInJpySgPb4jIuEQkUi9bGPeHmBbvU88oqnj5ciSkVD0MRLpCODFvH-Bo5FOdxzeliIew2UhFEx5VSLmz7QyTqOkDKFyppUpbQuw4KTCkmly0SaCdLY/s320/17856883-high_res-line-of-duty-series-5-80d2011-e1586173945582-0eb8687.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>The AC-12 Cricket Club meet in the pavilion after their latest match. Skipper Ted Hastings is unhappy and wants to know what went wrong.<br /><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Ted: <span> </span>Mother of God – can you explain to me what happened out there?</div><div>Steve: Guv, there was clear evidence of OCG.</div><div>Ted: <span> </span>Organised Crime Group?</div><div>Kate: <span> </span>No, boss, an Offie Chucking Googlies.</div><div>Steve: Yes, guv, it was a ARU</div><div>Ted: Surely not an Armed Response Unit?</div><div>Steve: No, Arm Really Unstraight.</div><div>Ted: Give Me Strength. There’s only one thing I’m interested in and that is catching bent arms. What did the umpire do?</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Steve: UCO</div><div>Ted: He was undercover?</div><div>Steve: No, Umpire Copped Out – he didn’t call it.</div><div>Ted: So what was your tactical response? Did you call for back up?</div><div>Kate: Yes guv. Put our star bat up the order. Told him SOCG. </div><div>Ted: Serious and Organised Crime Group?</div><div>Kate: No guv – See Off the Chuckie Guy.</div><div>Ted: Now that is good thinking DI Arnott. Didn’t you say he was the CHIS?</div><div>Steve: Yes, guv.</div><div>Ted: The Covert Human Intelligence Source?</div><div>Steve: No, Guv. He Couldn’t Hit It off the Square.</div><div>Kate: Boss, he DPS’d</div><div>Ted: Directorate of Professional Standards?</div><div>Kate: Afraid not, boss, Didn’t Play Straight.</div><div>Steve: It was clearly NCS.</div><div>Ted: National Crime Squad?</div><div>Steve: Not a Cricket Shot.</div><div>Ted: Now we’re getting to the truth – now we’re sucking on diesel.</div><div>Kate: Yes, Guv that’s what we thought when we tasted the tea.</div><div><i><span> </span><span> </span>At this point the opposition skipper enters.</i></div><div>Ted: I think you should sit down fella, or I will handcuff you to that desk.</div><div>Skip: Calm down Ted – we had a good match out there. </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"> Your team took<span><span> </span></span>things all the way.</div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div>Ted: My officers conduct themselves to the letter of the law, sir. The letter!</div><div>Skip: Maybe, but we weren’t sure that calling for a Tactical Firearms Unit </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div> was the appropriate response when our opening bat got his fifty.</div><div>Ted: What are you talking about? It wasn’t a Tactical Firearms Unit. </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"> I said Tighten the Fielding Up. </div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Skip: Ah yes, pity you grassed that nick off him.</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Ted: Catching criminals is tough enough but catching slip chances......</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"> God give me strength.</div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Steve: That batter was MIT.</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Ted: Major Incident Team?</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div>Steve: Middling It.</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><div>Skip: Still - pity that after tea it was CID.</div></div><div><div>Ted: Don’t tell me...</div></div><div><div>Kate: ...yes, guv, Chucking It Down.</div></div><div><div><div>Steve: Yes, we had to come off. After that it was NCPA.</div></div></div><div><div>Ted: No Cause for Police Action?</div></div><div><div>Kate: No Cricket Played Again.</div></div></blockquote>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-48011497863630366432021-04-09T16:22:00.000+01:002021-04-09T16:22:05.627+01:00A Vaccine Passport?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGjwZtuEz4qJcn_Vtqgx3ReO3G3Wg7xpm1RWROzWSLInSo9AAvr5hbYtqAku69vFQ7ZlHfN-Dr2dUHpSWCXBBdkPQIxlhYgkBPMQaB_OoUxl1v3BCNYg0WFXoRPJO4gio1jeHXdvjLKgiR/s1200/vaccine-passport-COVID-travel-privacy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGjwZtuEz4qJcn_Vtqgx3ReO3G3Wg7xpm1RWROzWSLInSo9AAvr5hbYtqAku69vFQ7ZlHfN-Dr2dUHpSWCXBBdkPQIxlhYgkBPMQaB_OoUxl1v3BCNYg0WFXoRPJO4gio1jeHXdvjLKgiR/s320/vaccine-passport-COVID-travel-privacy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>'Give us back our freedom,' screams the tabloid press. Government Ministers promise that hairdressers will open. Non-essential shopping will soon be possible. The pubs will be not far behind. Holidays are becoming a possibility. </p><p>There is animated discussion about the utility and ethics of vaccine passports. Fantasy Bob has mixed feelings about the passport concept. But he thinks there is one situation in which it might be essential. </p><p>Cricketers are quietly taking comfort from the fact that it looks increasingly likely that there will be something more of a season than last year. The First Class season is already underway which explains the sudden drop in temperature. The County Championship is now confined to the only parts of the year not dominated by pink and white ball action and is shortly to be re-designated as an official winter sport (and might seek entry to the Winter Olympics as a result). </p><p>Outdoor practice for clubs has already resumed, and junior leg spinners at Fantasy Bob's club have been relishing an easy victim with the return of his iconic figure to action as he casts injury, age and general ineptitude behind him. </p><p>So who is considering the role that vaccine passports play in cricket this season? Should a batsman show it before taking guard. Surely not. </p><p>In last year's truncated season, tea was proscribed. It was deemed too dangerous. Lots of breathing, mingling and touching things. Players had to bring their own sustenance and chew it in socially distanced space around the boundary. Unsatisfactory.</p><p>But this year? Surely tea will be back? </p><p>FB cares little for the pubs, inessential shopping or holidays abroad. But he urges the Advisory Committees to get their act together on tea. They must come to the right decision. Empire biscuits depend on it.</p><p>And this is where a vaccine passport could prove its worth. The advantages are obvious - the time honoured rituals of cricket tea could go ahead, and the unvaccinated scavengers of the junior section would be kept well away from the goodies.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePmL9f0oRoTJddPc-_ZUpjaNpYkB2hyphenhyphenYtnOCssn1_8FI4iTMTuTrAzBFjs7MKZl9kxE3_F9vsWRr6TRJf89aQp3mAQrnjvyfua4Ny_W96CNO8EfyinUe39lW3eLDMofjvOENRTaDrPf1u/s720/Scottish-Empire-Biscuits-Recipe-27-720x540.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="720" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePmL9f0oRoTJddPc-_ZUpjaNpYkB2hyphenhyphenYtnOCssn1_8FI4iTMTuTrAzBFjs7MKZl9kxE3_F9vsWRr6TRJf89aQp3mAQrnjvyfua4Ny_W96CNO8EfyinUe39lW3eLDMofjvOENRTaDrPf1u/s320/Scottish-Empire-Biscuits-Recipe-27-720x540.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Available only to holders of approved vaccine passports.</span></i></p><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-49227563047608069992021-03-26T14:08:00.002+00:002021-03-26T14:08:24.499+00:00Milk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_D9K8XHq2xN_TIptMDv9jEVGNzLx7MW7sJ5VtwRsBd9X2Bji2PCdb01BaiclC1EigYuj2m-wPUxwlH5GaC8zUue_6OstkFmDcO7eiWnpQwzYq60FgwM-dgKHYpQfb8fbX9dJvCiPkOz4/s629/605da5374cd7fe5e11ca6120_o_U_v2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="354" data-original-width="629" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_D9K8XHq2xN_TIptMDv9jEVGNzLx7MW7sJ5VtwRsBd9X2Bji2PCdb01BaiclC1EigYuj2m-wPUxwlH5GaC8zUue_6OstkFmDcO7eiWnpQwzYq60FgwM-dgKHYpQfb8fbX9dJvCiPkOz4/s320/605da5374cd7fe5e11ca6120_o_U_v2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>Sir Charles Walker MP (Fantasy Bob uses the term advisedly) may be attracting all kinds of brickbats from social media commentators for his declaration last night that he would henceforth carry with him a pint of milk as a protest. FB was unsure what Sir C wanted to protest, but that is beside the issue.</p><p>Because lower league skippers, including FB, will not be amongst the detractors. They recognise how following Sir Charles' example would save the agonies they go through many times during the cricket season. </p><p>The first innings has been completed. The tea table groans with the assembled provender - the home baking from the juniors' mothers putting to shame the student member's contribution of out of date Wotsits and dog biscuits. </p><p>The tea pot has been filled. All is set. Then comes a tentative inquiry, 'Where's the milk, skip?'</p><p>Skip's blood runs cold. </p><p>Packing for a match is a lengthy task best commenced at the crack of dawn when the mind is clear. The memory test is exacting. His own kit must be assembled - many skippers will simplify this challenge by not opening the kit bag from one week till the next - indeed many skippers mitigate all risk by simply leaving it in the car boot all season. Occasionally even the most risk averse skipper's social conscience tells him that washing machines were invented for a reason. It is on these occasions that an extra hour becomes necessary to reassemble his gear. Both socks may have survived their encouter with the washing machine but in their unaccustomed cleanliness have mysteriously been assigned to random drawers throughout the house. The petulant early morning cry of, 'Where did you put my other sock?' is not the wake up call most likely to foster marital bliss. An enquiry about the last known location of his jock-strap even less so. </p><p>Then he must remember the scorebook, a pen, another pen should the first one disappear, and a third just in case; the team sheet; the league rules; the rain calculator. Then keys, the ground keys, the pavilion keys, the scorebox keys, the tractor shed keys. It is always at this point that his car keys suddenly appear to have moved from the exact position he clearly remembers putting them last night. Only further hazard with the marital relationship establishes that they have been put on the hook that they always hang on.</p><p>Then the sundry items of junior kit that were left behind last week. For no self-respecting junior will leave a dressing room with all that he brought into it. It is some kind of long forgotten genetic impulse to territory mark. It is only scant relief that they use batting gloves or helmets, rather than methods adopted in the animal kingdom.</p><p>There may be sundry other items - books borrowed overdue for return; tickets for social evenings. The list can be endless. </p><p>By the time he has in-gathered (as the Scottish legal profession has it) everything, he is already late. He rushes out the door, lucky to reach the ground in time. So is it any wonder that he forgets the milk?</p><p>'Where's the milk, skip?' The repeated inquiry breaks his reverie.</p><p>'Isn't there some in the fridge?' He suggests weakly.</p><p>He opens the door in hope. He is saved! At the back there is a half-full bottle. He reaches for it - and notices the sell-by date suggests it has been there since the middle of last season. </p><p>'Sorry, boys.' The atmosphere turns sour. Not as sour as last season's milk, admittedly, but sour nevertheless.</p><p>'Not again. And I bet you haven't got that book I lent you two seasons ago'</p><p>Now, with Sir Charles' example, no lower league skipper will face this embarrassment again. He will always have a pint of milk with him. As a protest. Against not having a pint of milk.</p><p>What a service to cricket. Well done Sir Charles.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr96ui4AGkuLcLcr-dJKeoPFuERj3_WybBhiXrAP_N85NxWzeqexu1-dyByKSkOsw_qGYK-Yk7faIukfF-zxc6TK5hm-UCXuS0y6n56Z_RIpo0cBl_ToHwS2MMek3zSE2485TS1Nz9GIJ_/s316/No_Milk_Today.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr96ui4AGkuLcLcr-dJKeoPFuERj3_WybBhiXrAP_N85NxWzeqexu1-dyByKSkOsw_qGYK-Yk7faIukfF-zxc6TK5hm-UCXuS0y6n56Z_RIpo0cBl_ToHwS2MMek3zSE2485TS1Nz9GIJ_/s0/No_Milk_Today.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuGWNshGM64</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-58935518482848624482021-03-25T16:50:00.002+00:002021-03-25T16:50:54.715+00:00Put Out More Flags<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEAnMN4gaJ0ArdWwTTJxaot0glSoulmXyB2LMf8QaIAKJPuvA6WyULvmluO6H_sQ8MIPeh2sjh2c9chuYOeTEKBDvwACN-RTOCTQe0NN9IZky4-Y8QeaiNfnvA-CvqBlqPESGUbELWqcvD/s480/5.+Union+Jack+Flag%252C+Sydney+Cricket+Ground%252C+Sydney%252C+1914.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="191" data-original-width="480" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEAnMN4gaJ0ArdWwTTJxaot0glSoulmXyB2LMf8QaIAKJPuvA6WyULvmluO6H_sQ8MIPeh2sjh2c9chuYOeTEKBDvwACN-RTOCTQe0NN9IZky4-Y8QeaiNfnvA-CvqBlqPESGUbELWqcvD/w400-h159/5.+Union+Jack+Flag%252C+Sydney+Cricket+Ground%252C+Sydney%252C+1914.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Sydney Cricket Ground 1914 - early adopter</div><p>Fantasy Bob understands the following guidance is being prepared for immediate issue to all cricket clubs in the United Kingdom. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The Union Flag is the symbol of the nation which brought cricket to the world. It is clear that without the Union Flag cricket would never have been invented. Cricket clubs therefore need to get real and follow this guidance in the coming season</li></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Where cricket clubs only have one flagpole, the Union Flag should be flown every day.</li></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Where cricket clubs have more than one flagpole, and two flags are being flown, the Union Flag must always be flown in the superior position which is either:</li><ul><li>the highest flagpole, or</li><li>the flagpole nearest where tea is likely to served</li></ul></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It may be possible to fly more than one flag on the same flagpole if there is enough space. If so, the Union Flag should always fly on top (‘in the superior position’).</li></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Cricket club flagpoles should not remain empty. </li></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Where other flags are flown they should be such as to promote cricketers’ pride (see below).</li></ul></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>On no occasion, even when winning a league or cup title should non-flag items be flown. Particularly not articles of clothing. Far less articles that are recognisably underwear such as the skipper’s jock-strap. </li></ul></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-38492893530691695922021-03-11T11:13:00.001+00:002021-03-12T15:11:35.979+00:00Daffodils<div class="separator"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRSi9OwYp3QPMnhueWiwbAcUf7x48WLKuV8QdxuzmEX661c8pWhAvAL6bhZoZhhxTyXuSU3ESuPdQKquwRs_R6dMJ1U74WFv0bTX3rBd7TbMSgfJLihORceSOIIIUzKQk1JYaErRbA-udm/s2048/294724784_53a7bb76bf_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRSi9OwYp3QPMnhueWiwbAcUf7x48WLKuV8QdxuzmEX661c8pWhAvAL6bhZoZhhxTyXuSU3ESuPdQKquwRs_R6dMJ1U74WFv0bTX3rBd7TbMSgfJLihORceSOIIIUzKQk1JYaErRbA-udm/s320/294724784_53a7bb76bf_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />Fantasy Bob is of an age that it was considered part of his education in primary school to learn by heart William Wordsworth's The Daffodils. He got no traction on his suggestion that learning the art of the forward defence would serve him better on his journey through life. But from time to time the poem comes into his mind, word perfect after all these years.<div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I wandered lonely as a cloud</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>That floats on high o'er vales and hills, </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>When all at once I saw a crowd,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>A host, of golden daffodils;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Beside the lake, beneath the trees,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Mrs FB likes nothing better than a few bunches of daffodils fluttering and dancing around the house. She is cheered by a bright flash of yellow in every room. She and Wordsworth would have got on like a house on fire. </div><div><br /></div><div>Fantasy Bob has therefore been conscientiously feeding her habit in recent weeks bringing hosts of golden daffodils home with every trip out. He was therefore disturbed to see reports of difficulties in harvesting the daffodil crops because of the Brexit induced shortage of labour. Millions of blooms may be tossing their heads only to be left to rot in the fields. Not quite the sprightly dance the poet had in mind. </div><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Continuous as the stars that shine</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And twinkle on the milky way,</i></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>They stretched in never-ending line</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Along the margin of a bay:</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Ten thousand saw I at a glance,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.</i></div><p>FB is suddenly anxious. It would be bad news for him if a shortage of supply caused him difficulty meeting Mrs FB's needs. For there is a delicate balance of emotions in the household at this time of year. As the winter recedes and the evenings lengthen, FB's thoughts begin to turn to the coming cricket season. </p><p>It is not always clear that Mrs FB shares FB's keen anticipation. She looks up briefly from her careful arrangement of FB's most recent offering.</p><p>'You're not thinking of playing again are you? <i> </i>Didn't you say your ankle was crocked....or was it your shoulder....or your elbow....or your back.'</p><p>FB was on the point of suggesting that her apparent inability to remember precisely the location of his injuries suggested a lack of due attention to his problems on her part. But discretion overtook him. He bit his tongue. Another injury, but not one that would affect significantly his bowling action.</p><p>Mrs FB returned her concentration to sorting the blooms. She stood back to admire the display.</p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The waves beside them danced; but they</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>A poet could not but be gay,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>In such a jocund company:</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I gazed—and gazed—but little thought</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>What wealth the show to me had brought:</i></div><p></p><p>He took a risk and attempted a response.</p><p>'Yes, but maybe I can play round them.'</p><p>Mrs FB's gaze turned slowly from daffodil to husband, evidently her less preferred view.</p><p>'The only way you could do that is by standing stock still.'</p><p>FB didn't acknowledge that she had neatly summarised his approach to fielding. He had yet to confess to his better half that for a number of years his contribution to the team was largely decorative. It was a source of disappointment that his claims to have innovated the specialist role of non-bowling non-batting barely-fielding tosser (in the sense of one who tosses prior to a match, in case any readers were pursuing other interpretations) have yet to be acknowledged by Wisden.</p><p>The lockdown has meant that FB has been spared the annual cruelty of indoor nets. But as the pandemic recedes the powers-that-be are daily more confident that serious cricketing activity can begin soon. It is time for FB to look his kit out. Even in the specialist role on which FB now prides himself a prodigious spread of kit is essential.</p><p>It has been a source of amazement to FB for many years that no matter where in the house he neatly stacks his bag, she successfully seeks it out for the sole purpose of tripping over it. It is a skill not given to everyone.</p><p>'Well, if you must,' she said. 'But Don't Leave Your Kit All Over The Place As You Always Do.' She spoke audible capitals, leaving a pause between each word to ensure that FB could understand the full meaning of each word.</p><p>He had no choice but to go for the jugular.</p><p>'The daffs look nice.'</p><p>Having thus sweetened her, he promises to do better this year. She sighs. She has heard similar promises before. She sighs again and resumes her flower arranging, perhaps trimming the stems with a more vigour than before.</p><p>It is at times like this that a conciliatory bunch of daffodils can ease the emotional tension. The threat to security of supply is therefore serious. It risks disturbing the smooth preparation that FB makes for the start of the season.</p><p>Had this been acknowledged by those in vacant or pensive mood at an earlier stage in the Brexit debate the result might well have been different.</p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><i>For oft, when on my couch I lie</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>In vacant or in pensive mood,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>They flash upon that inward eye</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Which is the bliss of solitude;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And then my heart with pleasure fills,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And dances with the daffodils.</i></div><p></p></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF_ywKPXDrShhIK2JjmKqWMDaItUkFfQRE6p1xu1RvRotMSGDFHlKcRh5rwnYTphXozh2MjxQeMqI4VS7vbDSaqDIhuBZq75HRii-0PLAstDUA10yhUsh5kBl3ZepjMO3ARvemowdyMNBG/s2048/294724784_53a7bb76bf_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF_ywKPXDrShhIK2JjmKqWMDaItUkFfQRE6p1xu1RvRotMSGDFHlKcRh5rwnYTphXozh2MjxQeMqI4VS7vbDSaqDIhuBZq75HRii-0PLAstDUA10yhUsh5kBl3ZepjMO3ARvemowdyMNBG/s320/294724784_53a7bb76bf_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-24107278310233608132021-03-06T17:58:00.005+00:002021-03-23T09:46:37.503+00:00Roadmap<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwd2g5J1YVHUV6YBrmwgZySPKYB-1IHQB5XyIdbJ7SEWNM7dizFqTyC_dHn-JKjeFTUPhhxOuRt9taDPKMjulYpUmLWjSy8WVegQ7VWUKoO8ALDtrl6-Yb8_wQEB_6ZD-65oCmdWkvIHYW/s730/download+%25282%2529.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="514" data-original-width="730" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwd2g5J1YVHUV6YBrmwgZySPKYB-1IHQB5XyIdbJ7SEWNM7dizFqTyC_dHn-JKjeFTUPhhxOuRt9taDPKMjulYpUmLWjSy8WVegQ7VWUKoO8ALDtrl6-Yb8_wQEB_6ZD-65oCmdWkvIHYW/w400-h281/download+%25282%2529.png" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">There has been much chat in the public press about roadmaps. It would seem that escape from the constraints of the pandemic cannot be accomplished without a roadmap. Or several. The recovery of economic health also needs a roadmap. There are road maps to the digital future, the carbon free future, to every longed for future.</span></div><p>For the lower league cricketer with a long memory, such as Fantasy Bob, all this roadmap talk is chilling. It awakes long repressed memories, leaving them sleepless and exhausted. Younger cricketers may depend on SATNAV to do their dirty work for them. They therefore have little conception of the horrors of the roadmap. But in the pre-digital age, cricketers travelling to unfamiliar away grounds had to take their chances with roadmaps. Many fixtures did not happen or had to be truncated because players spent the better part of the afternoon aimlessly roaming the country side in search of the promised land. By comparison the Israelites had it easy. What yesterday's lower league cricketer would not have given for a pillar of fire to guide them through the wilderness. (Seam bowlers in the side would also have been happy with a pillar of cloud).</p><p>Occasionally the unfortunate travellers might press the AA Book into service. Not that it was a great help. FB understands that the first printed map of Scotland was prepared in Italy (where else) by Paolo Forlani in the mid-16th Century. As can be seen from the reproduction above, it signally fails to identify any cricket ground. Perhaps this is not remarkable, the Italian interest in the game in those days being minimal, but it seems to have a set a trend for subsequent map-makers. And the AA Book, whatever other improvements it might have made since the 1500s, did not see fit to correct Forlani's basic oversight. Cricket grounds simply are not marked.</p><p>Even the most keen-eyed junior player, designated navigator for the day by virtue of having gained the map-reading badge in the Cubs, would be flummoxed. Many a skipper has found to his cost that the award of that badge was no assurance that its owner had even the vaguest idea in which direction lay North, far less a basic appreciation of right versus left.</p><p>Cricketers therefore had to resort to other guides. Too often this took the form of a scribbled set of instructions from the club secretary transcribed from his telephone call with the opposition skipper. That the call took place in the pub late the previous evening brought a sense of mystery, if not adventure, to the interpretation of these instructions. </p><p>For unfamiliar venues that were relatively local, there would be a list of abbreviated street names. If you understood Cam R to be Campbell Road, rather than Cameron Road or even Cambridge Row, then you were flying. If not, a long tour of the city's less familiar nooks was in prospect.</p><p>These instructions were often embellished with obiter dicta. Some of these - for example 'beside pub', 'after church' - could actually be helpful, providing you had guessed correctly on Cam R. </p><p>But 'turn at Jimmy's house' might be excellent, if you knew who Jimmy was, where he lived and which way to turn when his house hove into view, but less so in other circumstances. Similarly, 'Get to the big ASDA and then take the short cut' teased with its spurious accuracy. Other instructions could suffer from an uncertainty which suggested that the background noise in the pub had swollen to unhelpful levels during dictation. It is hard otherwise to understand instructions such as '3rd or 4th right or maybe left'. Always these instructions were handed over to the travelling skipper with the suggestion that, 'It's easy - you'll know it when you're there.' </p><p>For new locations further afield, there was less local knowledge to help narrow the target area. Understanding road numbers seemed beyond the Cub Scout navigation syllabus and brought additional risk. Trunk roads could generally be relied on - assuming the young navigator had the travellers heading toward the correct compass point. But minor roads could be challenging. 'B83something' on the scribbled instructions was no great help. </p><p>Backseat drivers who felt their claim that the road sign that had just been sped past was unjustly ignored could sour the trip.</p><p>'Why didn't you tell me before we passed it?' hissed the frustrated driver. To which, 'I thought you knew where we were going,' was not deemed a particularly helpful response.</p><p>A forthright exchange of views would inevitably follow. As a result of which squabble neither back nor front seat driver would notice the handmade sign 'To the Cricket Ground' on the next turn off. Being good club men neither would bear a grudge, although adjustments to the batting order could affect the passengers of this car more than others.</p><p>Instructions were always complemented with the suggestion, 'If you get lost, just ask.' It is hard to underestimate the hazard attached to following that instruction. </p><p>FB remembers once pulling up at a petrol station after failing to locate the desired ground. Getting out of the car, he asked the attendant,</p><p>'Can you tell me the quickest way to the cricket ground?' </p><p> 'Are you walking or going by car?'</p><p> 'By car.' </p><p>'Quite right, that is the quickest way.'</p><p>It is a wonder any away fixtures ever happened. Cricketers must hope that the map shown below is more helpful.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBSnuNaiZxzVZqcfK1yGmATCg9wrh2N7mpL4o0GpGyJnJ9gX1v64eSM3gJ2H42c_syw4y0gL_bi2WbmvHEoQ2M3WguXUFIY5281x_BZwERswcuM0GgLCo7XMJYiPMM3MheUPXFWQ2vQ-Fa/s1601/Map1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1132" data-original-width="1601" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBSnuNaiZxzVZqcfK1yGmATCg9wrh2N7mpL4o0GpGyJnJ9gX1v64eSM3gJ2H42c_syw4y0gL_bi2WbmvHEoQ2M3WguXUFIY5281x_BZwERswcuM0GgLCo7XMJYiPMM3MheUPXFWQ2vQ-Fa/s320/Map1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-74463423791334671182021-02-18T12:16:00.002+00:002021-02-18T12:16:38.659+00:00Cancel Culture<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuJhNEAKzPemtiWaRL10wo6nPxPKkOitsib47Picv4PaxnaphEo7m2welQk-9ax2LLtbeLchKoq_qZwDvHik3J3SYzF-_G-6OQaSOtsJ5YYIJWElv-TvBeXry_9l3vIh0bdrhHZmRehZng/s512/unnamed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuJhNEAKzPemtiWaRL10wo6nPxPKkOitsib47Picv4PaxnaphEo7m2welQk-9ax2LLtbeLchKoq_qZwDvHik3J3SYzF-_G-6OQaSOtsJ5YYIJWElv-TvBeXry_9l3vIh0bdrhHZmRehZng/s320/unnamed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Fantasy Bob has been reading much in the media about cancel culture. If he understands correctly it is the intention of the UK Government to cancel cancel culture. This move has been criticised as a perpetuation of a divisive culture war. Critics also say that it a tactical distraction from all manner of difficulties to which the Government would prefer no attention to be drawn. Presumably this refers to the sorry performance of English batsman during the second test at Chennai. But not exclusively.<p></p><p>FB shares those concerns. Furthermore from the point of view of the lower league cricketer, FB has to say that the Government has got it wholly wrong. In the lower leagues there is not enough cancel culture. </p><p>Lower league cricketers are compelled to turn up at the appointed hour, even as the heavens pour down; even as the clouds darken further; even as the playing surface disappears under the deluge. They will stand in a bedraggled group at the boundary. They will utter the immortal phrase, 'We'll just give it another half-hour.' </p><p>The half hour having passed, they will look up again and repeat the mantra, 'We'll just give it another half-hour.' As if the rain gods in whatever dry fastness of an Olympus they inhabit these days are likely to respond. </p><p>Players used to look at the clouds seeking with their naked weather eye a lighter patch amid the all embracing greyness. Now, they consult all manner of weather radar to monitor the minute movements of weather fronts and pepper the audience with spurious meteorological exactitude. 'It'll be down to 90% probability of rain in 30 minutes.' An excited murmur will pass through the group. This is hugely significant. For the lower league cricketer that 10% is notably nearer certainty than the 90%. </p><p>'We can take tea early.' The juniors distracted so far by and endless series of one-hand-one-bounce perk up. The true believers consider this another another invocation which is bound to appease the rain gods. For classical mythology tells us that they do not disfavour mortals whose bellies are filled with egg and cress sandwiches and Mr Kipling's Cherry Bakewells.</p><p>'It's down to 85% now.' Optimism spreads through the company. 'We could reduce the overs.' At this point, as the evening nears, all hope of common sense is lost.</p><p>Not that there was very much at the outset. For the common sense response would have been to look out the window many hours ago, feign disappointment and cancel. </p><p>And that's the problem - notwithstanding the enthusiastic baying of Government supporters, there is, quite simply, not enough cancel culture. </p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-84853159639723129122021-02-16T17:32:00.002+00:002021-02-16T17:32:19.762+00:00Headbands<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiof7YOIs3anbPkDMgWi6_YnHRt5gd8RoBh-_Wdt_rVm4GcvdtdYJ1FrDHjf5b8siOOz-IoPRY-Qe_qMJLSJfiOzgy4tVlt4JSY8K9f-V-xg73BYqPeRvEk9peZ0ykk-A9nH2ofIlF-gC5/s750/stubroad280701.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="750" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiof7YOIs3anbPkDMgWi6_YnHRt5gd8RoBh-_Wdt_rVm4GcvdtdYJ1FrDHjf5b8siOOz-IoPRY-Qe_qMJLSJfiOzgy4tVlt4JSY8K9f-V-xg73BYqPeRvEk9peZ0ykk-A9nH2ofIlF-gC5/s320/stubroad280701.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Fantasy Bob found much to agonise about during England's demolition by India in the Second Test at Chennai. He was at times beside himself with despair. Not at the quality of the pitch, which seemed tranquil compared to some of the surfaces lower league players have to contend with. Nor the questionable nature of some the umpiring decisions - never an issue for a lower league player. Nor the death wish apparent in English batsmen's attachment to the sweep shot - which just proves the wisdom of FB's career long aversion to the shot. <p></p><p>A rational mind could deal with all these difficulties. But even the most advanced thinker would have difficulty at the resurgence of one of the scourges of the first lockdown - Test cricketers wearing head-bands. Why, oh why? Fantasy Bob has to assume it was a fashion statement since it served no ostensible other purpose - except in the case of Rory Burns, who needs all the help he can get in hiding his haircut. Leaving Burns aside, as the selectors are likely to do soon, it was when sensible men like Joe Root also affected this fashion item that all hope seemed lost. </p><p>FB was therefore relieved that the First Test at Chennai suggested that the ICC managed a clamp down to outlaw the ridiculous garb since he saw no evidence of it. But his tranquillity was seriously disturbed when as he went to open the bowling on Saturday, Stuart Broad removed his sunhat to reveal a return to the worst excesses of the lockdown. Of course it had to be Stuart Broad, but that is another matter.</p><p>FB acknowledges that some time ago big time cricketers such as Desmond Haynes and Dennis Lillee were headband devotees. He never understood why - at least they were towelling and might have served some sweat related purpose. But even so headbands have never convinced in cricket. And the item worn by Broad appears to a hankie folded up and tied at the back of his head. It is not even a sporting type of headband. </p><p>There are serious headband wearers in many walks of life. Rugby players, tennis players and even musicians, though concert pianists have yet to find them of use. But FB will go to the grave firm in his view that the headband is not for cricket. And if Stuart Broad were here he'd tell him so.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1dLCUp7qUsMuXuHBa7eWgwQnMofaOmL9-mOnEVIp-rfbat_1wwATKm_7aiFAvHss9F2ayNSsGSzj5W5ZGbhswA7HzfJb4OaVNAy0dhrpJAxXmM32r1YRr5cxCNjaKMhz3Rq9zilA8uc3/s640/headband.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1dLCUp7qUsMuXuHBa7eWgwQnMofaOmL9-mOnEVIp-rfbat_1wwATKm_7aiFAvHss9F2ayNSsGSzj5W5ZGbhswA7HzfJb4OaVNAy0dhrpJAxXmM32r1YRr5cxCNjaKMhz3Rq9zilA8uc3/s320/headband.png" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-42809310884502444622021-02-06T13:01:00.003+00:002021-02-06T13:04:58.500+00:00Authority <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBacDflntq0kt4Q3kfePk8Ow1vlSDFzJuDWPt81zop_3rnPN1pce7VH4eDqZ381fphGgdY9Ofv7aoUdedstwLZulH5mqzeLBB8FgOQ2NNtmN6MxfRzVQ9Fu43U-OuqdUn4CrnXYifRd8uN/s516/download.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="516" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBacDflntq0kt4Q3kfePk8Ow1vlSDFzJuDWPt81zop_3rnPN1pce7VH4eDqZ381fphGgdY9Ofv7aoUdedstwLZulH5mqzeLBB8FgOQ2NNtmN6MxfRzVQ9Fu43U-OuqdUn4CrnXYifRd8uN/s320/download.png" width="320" /></a></div><p>The AGM of Handforth CC was proceeding peacefully. The President called the Convenor of the Teas Committee to report. Immediately a rumble of dissent in the background was heard.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>- Since when did we have a Teas Committee? And if we do have one, who's the Convenor anyway?</p><p>- I am.</p><p>- No you're not - you're the President of the Club.</p><p>- Well, I declare that I am the Convenor of the Tea Committee.</p><p>- You can't do that. I've done the teas for years.</p><p><i>Other voices are raised.</i></p><p>- Yes, Bill's done the teas for years.</p><p><i> A calmer voice tries to restore order.</i></p><p>- There is no way of stopping him from calling himself Convenor. Please refer to me as Britney Spears from now on.</p><p><i>A moment of silence follows. More voices are raised, louder than before. The first voice speaks again, angrier than before.</i></p><p>- Read the Standing Orders - read them and understand them. They don't say anything about a Teas Committee.</p><p>- Precisely. That is why I am the Convenor.</p><p><i>Voices are raised again. </i></p><p>- As Convenor, I move we do something about the sausage rolls. </p><p>- Why? I've been bringing them for years, you've never complained before.</p><p>- We didn't have a Tea Convenor before. </p><p>- What's it got to do with you Britney Spears?</p><p><i>The background noise is becoming louder.</i></p><p>- I move we have quiche instead, and Jackie here's got some ideas.</p>- Red onion, Broccoli, Goat Cheese...</blockquote><p> <i>The noise becomes lounder still. </i></p><p><i><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>Some words can be picked out of the hubbub.</i></p><p><span> </span><span> </span><span> - Outrageous! You must be joking! No, no, NOOOO!</span></p><p><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span></span>- What's wrong ?</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><i>An angry voice bellows.</i></p><p>- You have no asparagus here, Jackie Weaver, no asparagus at all....</p><p><i>Meeting falls into disorder and goes viral via Twitter and YouTube. </i> </p></blockquote>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-80719832641560196352021-02-04T20:46:00.007+00:002021-02-04T20:49:41.816+00:00Sweep<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRLPPEU41okrCw8lwF3Gka6MzlqflJuvKHTcAta3DN26hYoGxG9v4yw2i-e_IUw3j0_5BxdK6-BMWHIS8kzdmXbvPu9OyGAg6t31K4XxstcpbAFKhZzV8tdJiLAxzx57KnEJa6KJ5p_m2/s750/googly201118-3+%25281%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="750" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRLPPEU41okrCw8lwF3Gka6MzlqflJuvKHTcAta3DN26hYoGxG9v4yw2i-e_IUw3j0_5BxdK6-BMWHIS8kzdmXbvPu9OyGAg6t31K4XxstcpbAFKhZzV8tdJiLAxzx57KnEJa6KJ5p_m2/s320/googly201118-3+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Tomorrow will see Joe Root become the 15th cricketer to play 100 Tests for England. Fantasy Bob sends Joe his warmest congratulations. This is just what Joe has been waiting for and will make all the difference to his performance. <p></p><p>Equally good news is that locked down cricket fan will be able to see the match on Channel 4 as live cricket comes back to free to air TV. It is the natural order of things. If only other areas in these fraught times could also revert to how things should be in similar fashion.</p><p>Remarkably all 15 players to have reached this milestone have done so during FB's life time. This is either a measure of FB's longevity or an indication that these years have seen an acceleration in the number of Tests played. Or perhaps both.</p><p>The first player to reach the ton was Colin Cowdrey. He did so in the 3rd Ashes Test of the 1968 season, played at Birmingham. He scored a century - his only significant score in the series in a drawn match. The series was also drawn, meanign Australia retained the Ashes.</p><p>Eight other players have scored 100 in their 100th Test. These include one other English batsman - Alex Stewart, who did it against West Indies at Manchester in 2000. It would be fitting if Root could become the third Englishman to do so. He is in a rich vein of form so he has a great chance. If he does so it is likely that he will sweep his way there. FB read recently that in the last 18 months Root has scored 300 runs from the sweep for once out. In the two recent Tests in Sri Lanka, Root scored 134 of his 426 runs with his sweep more runs than any other English batsman except Jonny Bairstow managed in total. </p><p>This is the kind of statistic that boggles FB's mind. For he has thought hard about the sweep. He has it from the philosophic, the socio-economic, the aesthetic, even the political point of view. There may be nothing he does not know about the shot. Other than how on earth to play it. There have been rare occasions when his natural exuberance has overcome his characteristic common sense and he has attempted the shot. There was no happy ending. Bat and ball remained distant strangers. FB invariably ended up in a tangled heap on the crease. To score one run from the shot therefore seems unlikely - to score 300 is simply unnatural.</p><p>So all in all this is what Sweep really means to FB:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-R7FHLVQ79O2eNKb9aSo3e7MZlzVswDjbSfexNS0DEn7VcbuR9uvac85hSOEbm6LvrMgQ9j_6_R_reiTblAFhfY07-2zpYDY2x37DnJuwmZjiDM6JET9RCE6skrM8wdZjG-W6_CbEtDfK/s355/81DQOW1tF7L._AC_SY355_.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="288" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-R7FHLVQ79O2eNKb9aSo3e7MZlzVswDjbSfexNS0DEn7VcbuR9uvac85hSOEbm6LvrMgQ9j_6_R_reiTblAFhfY07-2zpYDY2x37DnJuwmZjiDM6JET9RCE6skrM8wdZjG-W6_CbEtDfK/s320/81DQOW1tF7L._AC_SY355_.jpg" /></a></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-61650473062631759492021-01-31T13:17:00.000+00:002021-01-31T13:17:20.194+00:00Rosebud<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqj60a6CXyzv3tcombfHIJ4RiQrHF-PW6cWnJhuJcJZHsG6ITl3x-QdT5MPWu6f1-dfNe833zpfIqiSZIhEMAqWkrjHTzKIweGgaTe40fYU7zZ9w09a7ABQpsd1vpXUGeW5yVPLbVobswR/s250/rosebud-250x232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="232" data-original-width="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqj60a6CXyzv3tcombfHIJ4RiQrHF-PW6cWnJhuJcJZHsG6ITl3x-QdT5MPWu6f1-dfNe833zpfIqiSZIhEMAqWkrjHTzKIweGgaTe40fYU7zZ9w09a7ABQpsd1vpXUGeW5yVPLbVobswR/s0/rosebud-250x232.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The plot of Orson Welles' great movie Citizen Kane revolves on one of the most famous sledges in history. Cricketers' ears may prick up. In vain; this is not a sledge of the 'Why are you so fat?' - 'Cos every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit.' variety. <p></p><p>Welles did go on to feature in the title role in The Third Man, the only movie ever to have been named after a fielding position. Cricketers may start the film in high expectation. They look forward to arty shots of Welles' patrolling the boundary, of his flat throw putting the batter who has unwisely gone for the second run under pressure. But they will be disappointed. There is no cricketing action, just lots of running about in sewers. All in all, Welles is a bit of a tease from the cricketing point of view.</p><p>Nevertheless, despite the lack of cricketing interest, Fantasy Bob has watched and enjoyed Citizen Kane many times, and he did so once again the other night. It was Mrs FB who pointed out,</p><p>'You're just like Kane.'</p><p>FB was perplexed. He had never conceived of himself as an populist who turned unprincipled despot. He suggested that, particularly in contemporary circumstances, she might find better points of comparison. </p><p>'No, not that,' she said. 'This sledge thing.'</p>FB saw what she was driving at. Just as Charles Foster Kane's psychology was dominated by his childhood memory of his beloved sledge, Rosebud, so FB's most prized possession is his childhood sledge - the Davos Flyer, product of Grays of Cambridge no less. <div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfJFqw0tBHm63BcCYD18Qi4qWdQxKNaJXNAjXrPTSQGtO5gR8d4fT3ODAEKvOZWmvxGzAQyvOBqBtzoTvJ6xoPfJG6nwIe1GNxRXt1BX1jDA1M03P49MzeJAgxc_H7caU866XqmRhYGTCx/s640/davos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfJFqw0tBHm63BcCYD18Qi4qWdQxKNaJXNAjXrPTSQGtO5gR8d4fT3ODAEKvOZWmvxGzAQyvOBqBtzoTvJ6xoPfJG6nwIe1GNxRXt1BX1jDA1M03P49MzeJAgxc_H7caU866XqmRhYGTCx/s320/davos.jpg" /></a></div><div><div><br /></div><div>FB is uncertain of the exact date of its purchase but he painted it in racing colours inspired by the gold medal won in the 2-man bob-sleigh at the 1964 Winter Olympics in Innsbruck by the British team of Tony Nash and Robin Dixon. <div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMjLGvXAD6rn23IlqQI69oWw0mA_B15jdlt0dwFZkZmasQiMR7JlV7-UlTtwhjiaU-6-7FFnh4OD2bsPP0amlClj-aOiRvCz2y9YfKeFLPUdPy6Rw37l4iQNnaLd4Kona-U82LOuHi7wF/s400/s-l400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMjLGvXAD6rn23IlqQI69oWw0mA_B15jdlt0dwFZkZmasQiMR7JlV7-UlTtwhjiaU-6-7FFnh4OD2bsPP0amlClj-aOiRvCz2y9YfKeFLPUdPy6Rw37l4iQNnaLd4Kona-U82LOuHi7wF/s320/s-l400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><div>FB would follow in their footsteps, the lack of a local bobsleigh track notwithstanding. His skilful manouvreing of the Davos Flyer down surrounding hills was surely all the proof the Olympic selectors needed. Sadly, they never came. </div><div><br /></div><div>But FB never gave up hope. There is still no local bob sleigh track - Edinburgh being as deficient in that department as FB's native Aberdeen. But the Davos Flyer is still with FB. It may be 50 years old, but things were made to last in the old days. The cold snap recently has seen the Flyer come into its own, as FB, child again with the snowy world at this feet, has careered down adjacent slopes. FB is sure he made the qualification time. Perhaps the Olympic selectors will take note this time.</div></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtfglEonfeOutwQKI931NVUGww_KLXNasePJLdEeypKnSUKgsScNhJ9OZCRVc1pd7v7ONatfhVfkYCUm7HLqt2HgBA0XWv0wDNnCgOpLBpzQoBxyArR2vq-jbNPzEpWHXNJdGrDwzuKBk-/s640/IMG_0609.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtfglEonfeOutwQKI931NVUGww_KLXNasePJLdEeypKnSUKgsScNhJ9OZCRVc1pd7v7ONatfhVfkYCUm7HLqt2HgBA0XWv0wDNnCgOpLBpzQoBxyArR2vq-jbNPzEpWHXNJdGrDwzuKBk-/s320/IMG_0609.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div></div></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-88619707684145857892021-01-28T16:07:00.003+00:002021-01-28T16:07:59.837+00:00Fish<p>Fish and fisheries are in the news as the predictable consequences of Brexit have their impact. Like Fantasy Bob striding out to bat, the fishing industry's expectations were high. They were seduced on all sides by snake-oil salesmen and charlatans; FB's hubris came only from the memory of actually getting a bit of bat on the occasional ball in the nets. In either case what could go wrong? Well, they ken noo. And like FB, they are slumped in the corner of the pavilion ruefully unbuckling their pads. Older, but in all probability no wiser.</p><p>It puts FB in mind of a summer long ago. When he grew up in Aberdeen the fishing industry was perhaps the biggest employer and Aberdeen had claims to be the largest fishing port in the UK. Seeing the rows of trawlers moored in the harbour was a very impressive sight as was the fish-market in full business. The arrival of the oil business changed all that.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rlOzgOm3kd-CFl2YULPTAku2u_U6ace7q0cmNR6lODtDjpgzhUfasFIoeofD9TCbussbOyAYJq3xjqfXvBwPcNIaxi9nImTWUwIf9BSz64UmFcOqvb2iGqzQPJzYLHkNOGRuHD2UT4QX/s820/ec92f0bc1d68f178c27399810593ebf8.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="547" data-original-width="820" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rlOzgOm3kd-CFl2YULPTAku2u_U6ace7q0cmNR6lODtDjpgzhUfasFIoeofD9TCbussbOyAYJq3xjqfXvBwPcNIaxi9nImTWUwIf9BSz64UmFcOqvb2iGqzQPJzYLHkNOGRuHD2UT4QX/s320/ec92f0bc1d68f178c27399810593ebf8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>When he was a student, FB gained summer employment in one of the larger fish processing factories that at that time surrounded the harbour area. He was as part of a squad which unloaded lorries, moved boxes of fish around the factory and loaded lorries again, tasks that were just within FB's narrow skill set. Occasionally he got to put the fish through the yellow brine prior to smoking. But driving the fork-lift truck was strictly out of the question.</p><p>In slacker periods between lorry deliveries, FB and the squad would play cricket. Cricket, but not as you would know it. A slat from a broken fish box served as a bat and the ball was a fish head. Games were highly competitive and the quality of the sledging, as might be expected from a group of fish porters, of a consistently high standard.</p><p>Ah, the halcyon days.... over all too soon. A downturn in the market caused the company to seek economies. FB was shown the door. To this day FB suspects the manager's decision was unduly influenced by seeing FB ungainly swing across the line of an in-swinging cod head. What might have been. A promising career was strangled at birth. FB had to seek other opportunities. But if he had stuck in at the fish, he is sure he would have risen to the ranks of being allowed to drive the fork lift truck.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikxvIo9OXat7mV8vw7o_fd1cc9buR-yri7rKFDYGk8hKnowHKjWArb760ebrUWMAbeJJymHMOd-HI6rA0qCsSP_pJpzIG6cJq6AfDtzAqdcbx2YN4ZRkFoG6gzNL7MlWUtqnwrOCci4cbQ/s615/2_Screen-Shot-2021-01-19-at-140331.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="409" data-original-width="615" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikxvIo9OXat7mV8vw7o_fd1cc9buR-yri7rKFDYGk8hKnowHKjWArb760ebrUWMAbeJJymHMOd-HI6rA0qCsSP_pJpzIG6cJq6AfDtzAqdcbx2YN4ZRkFoG6gzNL7MlWUtqnwrOCci4cbQ/s320/2_Screen-Shot-2021-01-19-at-140331.png" width="320" /></a></div><p>And now, as the photo of Peterhead Fish Market, the largest in Europe, shows facilities lie empty. Alternative uses must be found for them. </p><p>They look perfect for conversion to indoor nets. As FB's batting companions in the fish house might have said, 'Fit aboot some siller for 'at, Boris?'</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-8334121531719013062021-01-26T12:26:00.003+00:002021-01-26T20:40:02.413+00:00Jenners<p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Fp_xr-j3uk68ECDN5YBW7ek5pz6dPzqM2x7LzIy1I78-sWEjSXDtzgOtd-LJ3tbrOc9TCYmr9dmAKffSi29m6bbbP4tABNRhmITEi4s6lCs-QzHwHXv8dswxo8mSn-ZJIVQUABMF2qG8/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="409" data-original-width="615" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Fp_xr-j3uk68ECDN5YBW7ek5pz6dPzqM2x7LzIy1I78-sWEjSXDtzgOtd-LJ3tbrOc9TCYmr9dmAKffSi29m6bbbP4tABNRhmITEi4s6lCs-QzHwHXv8dswxo8mSn-ZJIVQUABMF2qG8/w400-h266/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Financial analysts are still working to determine the extent to which the imminent closure of Jenners, aka Edinburgh's flagship department store, can be attributable to its failure over the years to stock an acceptable range of cricket kit. Or, indeed, any cricket kit at all. <p></p><p>FB has a distant memory of there once being a small sports department in the basement of the prestigious building. He is not sure that this is an accurate memory - nor is he confident that he has not made up the recollection that when he asked if they had any thigh pads, he was directed to ladies lingerie. A pleasant enough experience, but ultimately unfruitful. He explained to the assistant he needed protection against uneven bounce. A request which was radically misunderstood. </p><p>The failure to carry cricket kit seems to be a common feature of retail failure. It is remarkable how many of the so called household names now in difficulty have simply ignored cricketers' needs. News is also current that Debenhams' Edinburgh store will also close. FB is not surprised. It was an insult to cricketers. Once upon a time FB was hard pressed for time before the meet for an important away game. He could not find his box anywhere. He had no choice but to seek a replacement in Debenham's Princes Street store. He searched the store high and low. The only thing he could find that vaguely resembled the required item was an egg coddler. His performance as the crease that day was even less memorable than usual. But - silver linings - his poached eggs for breakfast next day were perfect. </p><p>FB understands that Debenhams has been bought out by BooHoo - which does not seem to FB a proper name for a shop. He understands it not to be a noted cricket retailer.</p><p>The news about Jenners may not be as fatal as first suggested. Subsequent reports say that the landlord, a Danish billionaire by name of Anders Povlsen is committed to maintaining it as a retail space. So the opportunity for that up to the minute boutique Gray Nicholls franchise may not be lost. That could be the master stroke which would restore the place to its previous glory.</p><p>But FB is not holding his breath. Mr Povlsen may not be a friend to cricketers. Apparently he is the second largest landowner in Scotland (first is the Duke of Buccleuch since you ask) with holdings of 890 square kilometres. Shamefully, there is not one cricket pitch in that vast area. The chance of the Gray Nicholls franchise may therefore be illusory. Maybe BooHoo is the correct response after all.</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-74550555851611085772021-01-25T08:45:00.000+00:002021-01-25T08:45:10.085+00:00To A Virus<div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKj7aTaH9w-u4hpHuLUn4J6Z54tXxu8UVhhznm2HimJtogiNwRMUUQFFiiJNRmOjCqBDDP7B0oTizNccZcS8m8equV_YmDs1Gu2g1UhMBBc0zx-p5WzMXdIErYSJFVi7hQC26-zuZFapqg/s1430/Burns-with-face-mask-e1597407547829.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="878" data-original-width="1430" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKj7aTaH9w-u4hpHuLUn4J6Z54tXxu8UVhhznm2HimJtogiNwRMUUQFFiiJNRmOjCqBDDP7B0oTizNccZcS8m8equV_YmDs1Gu2g1UhMBBc0zx-p5WzMXdIErYSJFVi7hQC26-zuZFapqg/s320/Burns-with-face-mask-e1597407547829.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div>Fantasy Bob has unearthed yet another of <a href="https://fantasybob.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-kilmar-nicked-off-edition.html">Robert Burns’ unacknowledged cricket poems. </a> </div></span><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">In this ode, the Bard is uncannily prescient of the COVID situation.</span><br /><br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Ha! Whaur ye going ye crowlin’ virus</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Your impudence begins tae tire us</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">We’re a’ locked doon as you require us</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Plans are wreckit</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Ye mak us even mair desirous</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">For some cricket </blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">A year ago ye cam frae Wuhan</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Did Johnson ken whit he was doin?</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">But cricketers feared the trouble brewin</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Wi' good reason</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">His handshakes nearly brocht his ruin</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">An' junked the season </blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Last season’s play was much truncated</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">And barely started, terminated</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Cricketers wi' meagre rations sated</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Sang out in glee</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Though COVID rules obliterated</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Their cricket tea</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">This season’s prospects are in the balance</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Will cricketers get to show their talents?</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">To Witty, Van Tam, Leitch and Vallance</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"> Sic advisers</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">We mak our selfish observance</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Gie us Pfizers! </blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-51985204514435406502021-01-25T08:29:00.000+00:002021-01-25T08:29:13.470+00:00The Kilmar-nicked Off Edition<p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Collected Cricket Poems of Robert Burns (rhb, rmf)</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Dancing Script; font-size: large; text-align: center; white-space: pre-wrap;">As discovered by Fantasy Bob</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; text-align: center; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; text-align: center; white-space: pre-wrap;">Winter Night</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-8ca7e9b0-7fff-08a9-caa4-4710aecb3b05"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When biting Boreas, fell and doure,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sharp shivers thro' the leafless bow'r;</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The crick’ter’s year is langsyne o’er</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He whiles regrets</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then maun the frozen chiel endure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thon winter nets</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like Odysseus in the Iliad</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The coach doth call his myriad</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Groaning seniors and keen young lads</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one forgets</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To scour each press tae find their pads</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For winter nets</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In a drafty schoolhouse gym</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peers Fant’sy Bob through darkness dim</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Saft muscles bruised on ilka limb</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Face mortal threats</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whan junior quickies bowl at him</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In winter nets</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Has Fant’sy Bob lost a’ his reason</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">See him bowl he’ll na stop wheezin</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">See him bat ye’d think he’s bleezin</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They're makin' bets</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He'll hit it yet afore the season</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At winter nets</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lord can ye hear oor lamentation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cruel hibernal tribulation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tholin' winter nets' privation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing drearer</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s but one sma' consolation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Summer’s nearer</span></p><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>ooOoo</b></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Gift Tae Gie Us</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.8; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh thou! whatever title suit thee,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Auld Hornie, Satan, Nick, or Clootie!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Batsmen true can ne'er refute thee,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou Hellish sinner.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the Devil's sway we'll put thee,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Reviled leg spinner.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When auld lang syne Benaud and Warnie,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Were clearly baith the chiels o' Hornie,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Made English batsmen grope forlornly, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It turned sae vilely.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But there’s no mortal human born, he</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Beats Bill O’Reilly.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An' noo despite his monstrous patter,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Could Fant'sy Bob be cried a batter?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Forbye he gies the ba' a clatter,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wi' michty fleg, he</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finds his vain pretensions shatter,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Against a leggie.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye'd hae tae see it tae believe it,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He disnae ken tae play or leave it,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He'll aye end up just trying tae heave it,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then mak' tae thump it,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gie it the charge and so maun grieve it,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh Bob! Thou'rt stumpit.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The coach says watch the ba's rotations,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Advice that gies Bob consternations,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An’ hours o' tortuous vexations,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thru' sleepness night.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hoo can Bob mak sic observations,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Battin' wi' e'e shut tight?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Leg spin - it's Satan's bowling action,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For darkness marks its malefaction,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tormenting batters tae distraction,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oor nerves are shoogly.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then will the De'il sense petrifaction,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An' bowl the googly.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh wad some power the gift tae gie us,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tae play leg spin as naethin' devious,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It wad frae mony a blunder free us,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stop melancholy.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And dream some day that ithers see us,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bat just like Kohli.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.96364; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><b> ooOoo</b></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Robert Burns’ Rant on the ICC</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oor cricket is a cantie game</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s played the warld o’er</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wi' honesty its middle name</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An' lo'ed by rich and poor</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye’d jalouse this game is o’er-seen</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By council weel electit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But fegs, there's just the gang o' three</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sic a parcel o' rogues running cricket</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Test match was the skyrit jewel</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thy grandeur’s been dilutit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By coontless twenty over duels</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">True cricket is pollutit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A twa Test series' meagre meal</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For ODIs restrictit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bought and sold for T20 gold</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sic a parcel o' rogues running cricket</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Associates graced the warld cup</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And had the michty crying</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It drove them on, it fired them up</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The dream of qualifying</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They won't be there next time around</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The minnows are neglectit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A selfish pact has slammed the door</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sic a parcel o' rogues running cricket</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olympic Games could spread the sport</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To a' the warld's nations</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The powers-that-be maun gie support?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But spurned the invitation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maun we thole sic arrant failure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wi' IPL gold complicit?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">England India Australia</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sic a parcel o' rogues ruining cricket</span></p><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>ooOoo</b></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Address to an Umpire</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">O thou! whatever title suit thee,—</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Auld Hornie, Satan, Nick, or Clootie!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou art ne'er a thing o’ beauty</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nor yet inspiring</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou maun do your cricketing duty</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By Umpiring</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In upper grades th’ umpire’s appointed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wi' sponsors’ logos weel anointed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But in low’r leagues we’re disappointed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou'rt just a player</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thy knowledge of the laws disjointed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And peculiar</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whiles aifter tea thou felt like rest</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But mercy be thou'rt cruelly pressed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The skipper says there's no chiel else</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Prepared tae stand</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The juniors couldna tak' the stress</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But thou art the man</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What could be simpler than to count six</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It disnae need Higher Mathematics</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But every over's full o' tricks</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tae complicate</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No balls, dead balls, wides. Thy count is fix'd</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By guestimate</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The LB law's a real damnation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Each chiel has his interpretation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But can he gie an explanation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">O' a decision</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Withoot causing consternation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or derision?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">'Not out,' we hear thee sagely cry</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">'It's missing leg; it's ower high;</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The ball has hit the batsman's thigh;</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No stump wad be hit;</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An' onywye, the sun was in my eye</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didna see it</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There's places in this noble land</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Where billies deem LB's been banned</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So have the years passed since the man</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Has raised the finger</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Though bowlers scream their fraught demand</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The batters linger</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A loud appeal for caught behind</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou must be deef, thou must be blind</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Could thou hear, nor see, nor call tae mind</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A deviation?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thon batter's no a walkin' kind</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's ruination</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fegs! Low'r league players we a' suffer</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At the whims o' sic a duffer</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But we shouldna tak the huff for</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There's no reason</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We'll get the smoother and the rougher</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">O'er the season</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ah umpires! Thou must be respectit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pay thee tribute thou'rt so neglectit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It ill becomes those at the wicket</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To yell and doobt thee</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For there would be nae bonny cricket</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Were we withoot thee</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span><b>ooOoo</b></span></div><div><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To A Doughty Groundsman</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fair fa’ your honest doughty face</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Great chieftain o’ the groundsman race</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the middle tak your place</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mow, roll, repair</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your cheery greeting rings through space</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GET AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To mak a wicket taks for ever</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But who respects your great endeavour?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These players should be mair clever</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can despair</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You tell them oft but they never</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GET AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye tend the strip, ye gie it bounce</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The players dinna help an ounce</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But aifter play they preen and flounce</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fegs! Everywhere</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Till ye maun doughtily pronounce</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GET AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In winter whan the sna is flyin’</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Players in their beds are lyin’</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sair wi' cauld the puir lambs cryin’</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We can compare</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye toil through winter scarifyin'</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">THATCH AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some folk may tak ye for a bore</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When ye drone on aboot the mower</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And moan the hunnels mak ye sore</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why should they care?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But muckle grass? Ye’ll see them glower</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GET AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ah! Doughty groundsmen are a special breed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An’ ilka club must meet their need</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For tractor oil, loam and seed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sic modest fare</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s nae charity tae pay them heed</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GET AFF THE SQUARE</span></p><div><span><br /></span></div><b><div style="text-align: center;"><b>ooOoo</b></div></b><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ae Fond Kiss</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ae big swing and then we sever</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oot first ball the same as ever!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Deep in heart-wrung tears I’ll linger</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tho the umpire raised his finger,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Says it’s leg afore the wicket</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tho I’m telling ye I nicked it</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And worse than that, this fact I beg</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It pitched two feet outside of leg.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh umpire how ill ye've blundered</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For I could have had a hundred</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Faced one ball and the temptation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Led to unjust ruination</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Had I never swung sae blindly</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I might have seen the ball pitch kindly</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Had I never tried to cart it</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would ne’er be broken hearted.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ooOoo</b></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To A Strauss</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, whit a panic's in thy breastie!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The test at Dubai ends o’er hastie</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thou'rt in a sochter</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Noo Abu Dhabi won’t be tasty</span></p></span><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><span><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It micht be slaughter </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p></span></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><span><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For whiles thy bowlers a’ got passes</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thy fancy batters played like arses </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When one is oot, the rest collapses</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They lookit wabbit</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">KP played like he had paral’sis</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An' Bell’s a rabbit</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We micht hae looked for some resilience</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Frae those wha tak IPL’s millions</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But what we got wis far frae brilliance</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Exceptin' Prior</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Micht Panesar mak unco diff’rence</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To fecht fire wi' fire?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thon Ajmal won’t be ony easier</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bowlin' his new fangled teesra</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bell could hae an unco seizure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hoo can he pick it?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Watchin’ sic torture brings nae pleasure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Leg afore wicket</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ah Straussie thou art insecure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye’re staunin' deep in thick manure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The best laid schemes o’ Andy Floo'er</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gang aft agley</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When spinners bowl into the stoor</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye’ve feet o' clay</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p><b><div style="text-align: center;"><b>ooOoo</b></div></b><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For A’ That</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Is there for honest poverty</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That hings his bat, an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The gowden duck, we pass him by</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’ll nae be oot for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a’ that, an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’re aff the mark for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The scorer’s pit it in the book</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A run’s a run for a’ that</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For through the slips oor shot has flown</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s crossed the rope for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bowler’s radge, the fielders moan</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A four’s a four an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a’ that, an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A big top edge an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The honest bat should aye play straight</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A run’s a run for a’ that</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ye see yon birkie Pietersen</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wha struts an’ stares an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A' the world reminds him when</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He couldna score for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a’ that, an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His reverse sweep and a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Holin’ oot at deep third man</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Is nae damn good for a’ that</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thon Cook can mak a double ton</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No breakin’ sweat an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But Fant’sy Bob slaves o’er a run</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They’re rarer chiels for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a’ that an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He taks a swing an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aff either edge he disnae mind</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A run’s a run for a’ that</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then let us pray that come it mun</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(As come it will for a’ that)</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That Fant’sy Bob’ll score a ton</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An bear the gree an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a’ that an’ a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s coming yet for a’ that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That man to man, the world o’er</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 144pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shall cricketers be for a’ that</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-11417567185145693762021-01-23T10:42:00.002+00:002021-01-23T10:42:51.807+00:00New Kit<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT2_23k1BBV59wq76xjKoFPk3sGiI-3dtrAaJr4A4Wo4Oo-29b_k4UsYD8xrKsnhyPZdyX-mkHlBqo7t4umviv9mDRPdnGJfVPA1Y7Q6obfipXuY_JJgu0-epIoktQTiI7HrJTHGEM6ncu/s640/IMG_0664.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT2_23k1BBV59wq76xjKoFPk3sGiI-3dtrAaJr4A4Wo4Oo-29b_k4UsYD8xrKsnhyPZdyX-mkHlBqo7t4umviv9mDRPdnGJfVPA1Y7Q6obfipXuY_JJgu0-epIoktQTiI7HrJTHGEM6ncu/s320/IMG_0664.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />It has been icy in the streets around Fantasy Bob's abode in recent days. He has been slipping and sliding and has been lucky not to have measured his length. The doughty groundsmen of the council seem to have run out of the copius amounts of sawdust required to secure his footholds.<p></p><p>But Mrs FB has come to the rescue. After an encounter on the doorstep with an Amazonian, she came into the room where FB languished reviewing the scoresheets from some of his long forgotten bowling spells. Many would suggest they were justly forgotten. </p><p>She thrust a parcel in his direction, down the corridor of uncertainty.</p><p>'What's that?' FB gruffly inquired, for he had been disturbed in the middle of an over in which (on his recollection) a couple of simple catches had been grassed.</p><p>'Open it and find out,' she said seductively.</p><p>FB did as instructed and revealed the treasure within.</p><p>'Croutons!' he exclaimed.</p><p>Mrs FB sighed, either at his ignorance or his pathetic punning. Or quite possibly both.</p><p>'Crampons. They should help next time you go out for the milk,' she said, a hint of an instruction in her voice.</p><p>FB tried them out and was pleased to find that when it came to milk delivery, his stride was now secure. He acknowledged the wisdom of her investment to Mrs FB.</p><p>'Good', she said, 'I'm sure you'll get lots of use out of them.'</p><p>'I think you're right,' he said with a gleam in his eye.</p><p>As he returned to contemplate the scoresheets of games long ago, FB felt confident that could now avoid investment in new footwear for the coming cricket season.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8m90w0bZ2UjbtvZJ5S0aMod7OT0UI-P0NVqllh2vnWBtlhiQ9zvEeAI6lHlKZk8f5MH3xkiGvJBPVMHjLAVHksLEI_QRnKhufsRkPdfqBrKPVozvdevZYT9pIcDzIPRlIyf6HlTcuVmru/s640/IMG_0639%255B238%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8m90w0bZ2UjbtvZJ5S0aMod7OT0UI-P0NVqllh2vnWBtlhiQ9zvEeAI6lHlKZk8f5MH3xkiGvJBPVMHjLAVHksLEI_QRnKhufsRkPdfqBrKPVozvdevZYT9pIcDzIPRlIyf6HlTcuVmru/s320/IMG_0639%255B238%255D.jpg" /></a></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-52865502272491021492021-01-21T14:15:00.000+00:002021-01-21T14:15:07.924+00:00Holiday News<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPG0zkKl7OSW_akgFT-8HFVFi5GK1fX6waN3SNhnk0vLiS-p1yWz0hGTPClDGiuQEtb539fDxK8EO1KOBHJ3-yzF1L804KEnSjLJ7I_U_zncnSTsCMPli-1zvwqy7ig-giS7U7bFhomTX-/s986/Inkedsummer-holiday-banner-vector-20859389_LI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="784" data-original-width="986" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPG0zkKl7OSW_akgFT-8HFVFi5GK1fX6waN3SNhnk0vLiS-p1yWz0hGTPClDGiuQEtb539fDxK8EO1KOBHJ3-yzF1L804KEnSjLJ7I_U_zncnSTsCMPli-1zvwqy7ig-giS7U7bFhomTX-/s320/Inkedsummer-holiday-banner-vector-20859389_LI.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Speaking on behalf of all lower league skippers Fantasy Bob welcomed the news that Scotland's National Clinical Director yesterday who has been reported as advising not to book a holiday this year.<p></p><p>FB said, 'This is a welcome development by the Government. For too long holidays have made July a nightmare for us skippers. Players disappear for weeks on end. Selection becomes a nightmare.'</p><p>FB has long campaigned for Government intervention in particular advocating a one out - one in approach. 'No cricketer should be allowed to leave the country on holiday unless another cricketer enters and is available for play. Now the Government say its regained has control of the borders, it is the least they can do.'</p><p>FB added, 'It is tragic that it has taken a global pandemic to make them act. Let us just hope that there is something like a normal cricket season so we can see the positive impact of this policy switch.'</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-54471307798310111492021-01-20T13:59:00.001+00:002021-01-20T13:59:46.578+00:00Shanty Time<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0qe3xDIay9FPsN2ZP2pWB39uh7NASI2KeJuuYC6bxlsvULHhKgC6oRVIOXxUfvWJj3xiZXINg5yP4uF5Hp-9-yeTpp4700ZU59vY1FgB1XcrZzF7Rb8QlGCOcLtXzVNab6qZmDDuZnR21/s1165/sea-shanty-tik-tok-kb-main-210114_d92af4d4036abdaf52f389da7879ba56.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1165" data-original-width="874" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0qe3xDIay9FPsN2ZP2pWB39uh7NASI2KeJuuYC6bxlsvULHhKgC6oRVIOXxUfvWJj3xiZXINg5yP4uF5Hp-9-yeTpp4700ZU59vY1FgB1XcrZzF7Rb8QlGCOcLtXzVNab6qZmDDuZnR21/s320/sea-shanty-tik-tok-kb-main-210114_d92af4d4036abdaf52f389da7879ba56.jpg" /></a></div><br />The sea shanty has a new lease of life. <i>Heave away, haul away.</i> A singing postman from Ayrshire has TikTok'd his way to the front of the nation's attention. <i>And we're bound for South Australia.</i><p></p><p>And good for him. <i>Heave away, </i><i>haul away.</i><i> A</i>lthough he is reported to have given up his post-manning. <i>And we're bound </i><i>for South Australia</i><i>. </i></p><p>Presumably he's running away to sea. <i>Heave</i>...(FB notes that it will be an even more annoying experience than usual for his handful of readers if he persists in this juvenile interspersion of sea shantyisms....so he invites readers to voice them themselves, should they be so inclined).</p><p>In FB's experience, cricketers are not habitual users of shanties. Even though in his long and undistinguished career Fantasy Bob has seen a lot of heaving. It would have been against the spirit of cricket for him to sing out 'Heave away, Haul away' or some such nautical response after each frantic swing across the line. It would have made no difference, in the elite leagues that FB inhabits, the heave across the line is what most batsmen consider their best shot, It has to be because it is usually their only shot. And they are determined to use it. Blow the Man Down.</p><p>If shanties don't bring cricketing thoughts to FB's mind, they do remind him of his days sailing the ocean blue. He recalls one instance when some shantying of the heave away haul away kind might have helped a tricky situation. </p><p>Cruising round Majorca (someone has to), skipper FB and his crew (aka Mrs FB, her Sister and the young heir to FB's priceless collection of used cricket bats) decided - or more correctly the crew decided - to drop anchor in a pleasant little cliffl- lined inlet for a spot of lunch. No problem - a standard drill - head to wind, drop the anchor and fall back on it till it bites. Parked. Done it a thousand times. </p><p>The crew adopted action stations (or in the case of son and heir in-action stations). Mrs FB on the foredeck, anchor chain in hand. Sis giving stylistic advice as FB put the nose into the wind and cut the engine. The yacht came to a standstill. Perfect. 'Drop it!' </p><p>Mrs FB let go and the yacht began to drift astern. Perfect. FB began to contemplate that cold drink. The yacht would settle on the anchor. It would just take a moment. Just a moment. The moment became longer. Not so perfect. </p><p>'Eh, FB,' said Sis with a little tremor in her voice, 'There's a big cliff behind us. And it's getting closer!' FB was minded to remonstrate that this could not be - if anything it was the yacht getting closer to the cliff. But he decided that this might not be the best moment for pedantry. There was a problem. The anchor hadn't bitten.</p><p>'Haul her up,' he shouted to Mrs FB. She heaved and hauled. (Actually she didn't, the yacht had an electric winch which saved her all that shanty type stuff.) Once it cleared the surface FB would engage the engine and motor away from the danger. </p><p>'Eh, FB,' piped up Sis again, 'Remember that cliff. It's closer.'</p><p>'Is it up?' </p><p>'I can't see it.' Mrs FB kept heaving and hauling electronically but the anchor didn't break the surface. The end of the chain did. Mrs FB duly reported to the skipper. 'The anchor has gone.' </p><p>'What do you mean it's gone?'</p><p>'It's not there.' </p><p>This didn't really help FB's understanding. Visual information proving more effective than verbal, Mrs FB waved the empty end of the chain. Further discussion seemed unnecessary, FB gunned the engine, the propeller bit and the yacht moved to safety. Looking over the side, the ship's company could see the anchor lying forlornly on the sea bed. Full fathom five.</p><p>A neighbouring yacht whose sunbathing crew had enjoyed a ring side view of the action, radioed to offer assistance. A young man with high capacity lungs dived to the anchor attach a warp and - heave away haul away - recover the anchor. <i>Way, Hey up she rises.</i> Inspection suggested the shackle had failed. A pleasant lunch was had after all. </p><p>A rousing shanty would undoubtedly have helped. Maybe the singing postman could compose one.</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-75958332925941383492021-01-18T14:23:00.003+00:002021-01-18T14:23:38.240+00:00Exemption<p>After a long period of consultation with himself, an extended review period and proper due diligence conducted with himself, Fantasy Bob is confident he can never be as unfunny as Laurence Fox. However he is pleased to have received the badge shown below in good time for next season.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQYoTe5zZjh2Ia87ruKfeoCKEbGOEg6-w7AQUP53zXuvhSkc5NZ2ZvcDql_Aa2cFkPyPMYPUbprAEOXin2Ou7AuRR6WTXqjuV4Kd7P73cA4TzNnRKRRA9m0bF6y29V5IrpIlwf3mpxG_9a/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQYoTe5zZjh2Ia87ruKfeoCKEbGOEg6-w7AQUP53zXuvhSkc5NZ2ZvcDql_Aa2cFkPyPMYPUbprAEOXin2Ou7AuRR6WTXqjuV4Kd7P73cA4TzNnRKRRA9m0bF6y29V5IrpIlwf3mpxG_9a/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPXYENXnYe8LGB9FXRViMjXujg2k4KjgB0OFO1WB6kmfvV9I6ueE0WTBwzF7YGj0gNJKsdIJLXmTyoRlu3qz_26zqSYLgkKrkBwmLUzFqDwTWe-OcmHJGIy0SDUufb8Iy2GI9t4sIBSTR/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPXYENXnYe8LGB9FXRViMjXujg2k4KjgB0OFO1WB6kmfvV9I6ueE0WTBwzF7YGj0gNJKsdIJLXmTyoRlu3qz_26zqSYLgkKrkBwmLUzFqDwTWe-OcmHJGIy0SDUufb8Iy2GI9t4sIBSTR/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-15611948665536188622021-01-15T10:15:00.001+00:002021-03-25T20:56:18.470+00:00Vaccination Blues<p style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1iTDEfadzgIr6jq3iKRJkLHb8ePprEcIXoHX1C3nbsJwQxuYyE7YKleZKFanGwpSfrjxKuI7IQRUj-8XO6yv5iRMH9hnmiMQdDYBsRpNterRtGn7qQjtrDsfEVY_ZZonDQ8fqhmxxExk/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1iTDEfadzgIr6jq3iKRJkLHb8ePprEcIXoHX1C3nbsJwQxuYyE7YKleZKFanGwpSfrjxKuI7IQRUj-8XO6yv5iRMH9hnmiMQdDYBsRpNterRtGn7qQjtrDsfEVY_ZZonDQ8fqhmxxExk/" width="320" /></a></p><p>An overheard phone conversation:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>Is that the Head Vaccinator?</p><p>Can I help you?</p><p>I hope so. I have just used this calculator thingie which has told me that there are 10,865,832 people ahead of me in the jab queue.</p><p>Yes.</p><p>But it says priority is being given to the extremely vulnerable.</p><p>That's right. </p><p>Well I qualify.</p><p>And what is your vulnerability?</p><p>Leg spin.</p><p>Leg spin?</p><p>Leg spin. Just can't play it. It's an extreme vulnerability.</p><p>But that isn't a medical condition.</p><p>I beg to differ. Everyone in the team says it's chronic.</p><p>So what are the symptoms?</p><p>I break out in sweats, I shake all over. In fact the symptoms are exactly those listed on your web-site.</p><p>And have you ever had medical treatment?</p><p>Oh yes - the doctor gave me the treatment alright.</p><p>How did he do that?</p><p>He was the leg spin bowler I was facing.</p></blockquote>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-37785399820613014332021-01-13T15:00:00.003+00:002021-01-19T10:59:34.795+00:00Tea Ladies Revolt<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvB5cFVx7v3cYTiX1NRiC-MHEfVL4cYDf1JZa0tY2Y-VhlErBktxJj34AdPxWf8BWLdCpmFEHZFj7CCOe6opYj4HIxwqv_N8tHpiRPaFmAmPC9lUQeafYrvdwgvp1Mo4mdGPhCaBHkujnH/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1099" data-original-width="976" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvB5cFVx7v3cYTiX1NRiC-MHEfVL4cYDf1JZa0tY2Y-VhlErBktxJj34AdPxWf8BWLdCpmFEHZFj7CCOe6opYj4HIxwqv_N8tHpiRPaFmAmPC9lUQeafYrvdwgvp1Mo4mdGPhCaBHkujnH/" width="213" /></a></div><p></p><p>There has been widespread criticism from tea ladies throughout England over the food packs received under the Free Cricket Teas scheme. (Fantasy Bob should make clear that he uses the term Tea Ladies in its non-genderist sense - any pronoun will do).</p><p>The scheme which was introduced after much controversy is designed to ensure poorer cricketers (ie 4th XI standard or lower) do not face hunger during the current lockdown. But the quality of provision has not impressed many. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>'How am I meant to provide for 22 hungry cricketers from this box of stale biscuits and 2 shrivelled apples?'</p><p>'Call this a cricket tea - where's the lemon drizzle cake?'</p><p>'This is just typical - the First XI had their Eat Out to Help Out with subsidised smoked salmon and cream scones. And this is all they can provide for the lower XIs.'</p></blockquote><p>The company at the heart of the controversy has apologised and suggested it might be better if players brought tea for two.</p><p>Things seem differently organised in Scotland, where lower team players have continued to enjoy a reliable supply of empire biscuits.</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-54745064046403128712021-01-12T16:38:00.000+00:002021-01-12T16:38:07.227+00:00Nifty Footwork?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDwYk3batjDknqJ7JAzs2aXx4SjyZlsQFJhEltoXVtA2ga1NipEqBKBP6DK-SbqGXf5P2z5kU9KjTX1OxGfPwjrHJrLMOTDLTsk1ljsucalFoiDWpiUnHqad7puYnV-3ceOvrpkw1UaYvo/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="720" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDwYk3batjDknqJ7JAzs2aXx4SjyZlsQFJhEltoXVtA2ga1NipEqBKBP6DK-SbqGXf5P2z5kU9KjTX1OxGfPwjrHJrLMOTDLTsk1ljsucalFoiDWpiUnHqad7puYnV-3ceOvrpkw1UaYvo/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">It was one of those strange coincidences. A colleague sought guidance today from Fantasy Bob as to whether the word nifty still occupies a proper place in the English language. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">FB confidently asserted that it did, although the only usages that he could bring to mind was of nifty footwork whether applied to Bill Bailey on Strictly Dancing, Marcus Rashford in the penalty box (or in communication with Government Ministers) or, and here is the coincidence, a batsman at the crease.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">For FB as the question was put, had been contemplating the reports of Steve Smith's footwork during the final day of the recent Test Match with India. He was idly wondering to himself whether Smith's alleged attempt to erase Risbah Pant's guard was an instance of nifty footwork. 'Nifty? No!!' screamed the Twitterati, 'SHIFTY!?!' You bet!'</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Aussie skipper Tim Paine defended Smith from the allegation that he had been trying to put one over on Pant. He said it was just one of Steve Smith's mannerisms to always be mentally at the crease. He is known for his addiction to shadow batting, the tap tap of his bat on his bedroom floor echoing round the team's hotel long into the night. Paine suggested that even when he was not actually batting, Smith frequently stood at the crease, and he often went through some of his rituals including marking his guard. So his action was nothing untoward. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">In any case, Pant came back from his drinks break and promptly took a fresh guard from the umpire, as many players do after such interruptions in play. So FB is unpersuaded that there is fuss to be had here. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">But lots of fuss applies to the rituals of taking guard. Fantasy Bob discussed <a href="https://fantasybob.blogspot.com/2011/05/taking-guard.html">guard taking rituals a long time ago</a> and how they don't differ that much in the test arena and the lower reaches of the game that he inhabits. He noted that taking guard 'is a manifesto. It is a fashion statement. It is a declaration of intent. It is performance art.' </p><p style="text-align: justify;">For FB it is all these - it is the high point of his innings, when favourable comparisons with the greats can be made. Viv Richards, David Gower, Ben Stokes never asked for 2 legs with the style and panache that FB can muster. His footwork scraping his mark is as nifty as Tendulkar - it might even have a touch of the Kohli about it. It is only after this ritual has been played out that the reality dawns on those watching. All too frequently, FB's holding his bat up for the umpire is the only use he makes of it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">To return to Risbah Pant, his innings of 97 made a huge contribution to India's valiant effort in saving the match. He had 3 sixes and a SR over 80. Steve Smith or no Steve Smith - in anyone's language that's pretty nifty.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8_zUHkfIT5ukhtQw8gC5PK-BGusCxmNuhdn9k4Cx7UGw94Jjl0RGp2jcfu1CugSLswaaCXn3yR0XnHSC5aTHL2RMrvFpwniTEAPPBzrLgwO7Nm3Zz46Ed4hvAVBvkgCJ1phtVvqcYokO/s1200/rishabh-pant-AP-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8_zUHkfIT5ukhtQw8gC5PK-BGusCxmNuhdn9k4Cx7UGw94Jjl0RGp2jcfu1CugSLswaaCXn3yR0XnHSC5aTHL2RMrvFpwniTEAPPBzrLgwO7Nm3Zz46Ed4hvAVBvkgCJ1phtVvqcYokO/s320/rishabh-pant-AP-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-6141959747655347402021-01-10T17:45:00.001+00:002021-01-10T17:45:43.395+00:00Turmeric<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisH4VN1OHCD8FDZQkWR1wQKzGLWeFzRL4iuFF2NVBaIysa7xUCm9ssAkRsuyvEfM5IDXA0WmWwS1DdrOnkU5Ek2OgJdY1LeCws5EAQSYk6kgbCXUBp5h3-01kXov_zdn7Oto8UPt8gc1o6/s250/TIN18-250x250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisH4VN1OHCD8FDZQkWR1wQKzGLWeFzRL4iuFF2NVBaIysa7xUCm9ssAkRsuyvEfM5IDXA0WmWwS1DdrOnkU5Ek2OgJdY1LeCws5EAQSYk6kgbCXUBp5h3-01kXov_zdn7Oto8UPt8gc1o6/s0/TIN18-250x250.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p>Those who have had the misfortune to observe Fantasy Bob at the crease might have noticed that the passing of the years has somewhat diminished his sense of adventure. No longer the excited dart down the wicket, or the expansive swing of the willow. Instead, the laboured forward prod or the cramped nurdle. Of course, as the run of single figures in the score books over the years will attest, there is no difference in the end result from either method. Just the manner of invoking the inevitable.</p><p>But his spirit of adventure is not wholly extinguished. That impulse to dart down the wicket came to him again this week as he settled into his stance in the tea and coffee aisle of the super-market. Before he knew it, and to the astonished gasp of the crowd, he was out of his crease to meet the ball on the half-volley. Into his basket went a packet of Turmeric Chai. Straight off the middle of the bat.</p><p>What on earth was he thinking? Or as Mrs FB put it on his return home, 'What on earth were you thinking?' It has to be acknowledged that when it comes to tea, Mrs FB does not venture beyond English Breakfast. FB has a greater range of shots and has for many years enjoyed Chai of various sorts. But Turmeric Chai? This was adventure. It was as if he'd played the reverse sweep. </p><p>FB brewed himself a cup.</p><p>'How does it taste?' enquired Mrs FB, feigning interest. </p><p>'A bit turmericky,' reported FB. </p><p>Indeed it is and is a bit yellow in the cup. But nonetheless pleasant enough.</p><p>However there is more to this turmericky taste than meets the eye (not that that makes any sense but habitual readers will get the point). For FB's researches have revealed that this potion will deliver all manner of benefits. An article in Medical News Today reviews a wide range of studies and reports that Turmeric Tea: </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Reduces arthritis symptoms</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Boosts immune function</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Helps reduce cardiovascular complications</span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Helps prevent and treat cancer</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Helps manage irritable bowel syndrome or IBS</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Prevents and treats Alzheimer’s</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Protects against liver damage, gallstones, and manages liver conditions</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Helps prevent and manage diabetes</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Helps treat and manage lung conditions</span></li></ul><p></p>Not that FB is aware that he suffers from any of these conditions. But this brew appears to be miracle stuff. All these benefits. Sadly however there appears to be one condition which it does not address. Even Turmeric Chai cannot help FB's chronic deficiency against leg-spin bowling?<div><br /></div><div><br /></div>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4594530012918925567.post-35299622679525250552021-01-09T11:31:00.000+00:002021-01-09T11:31:34.048+00:00Walk Like A Penguin<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlE4lsM4VbGvwQFuCXJ12rF2ztQb9NEYFd23DBBZI5FIyAwEihJc57Gl5z8K0RsqWMzwKA43ecaLeN8BbRZBwEOPFT_OoesYRVSdtivtxPI0aQq6To1aft1TCyLK4CnJ9okEoI4-i2dNu/s846/GsTsNCu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="846" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlE4lsM4VbGvwQFuCXJ12rF2ztQb9NEYFd23DBBZI5FIyAwEihJc57Gl5z8K0RsqWMzwKA43ecaLeN8BbRZBwEOPFT_OoesYRVSdtivtxPI0aQq6To1aft1TCyLK4CnJ9okEoI4-i2dNu/s320/GsTsNCu.jpg" /></a></div><br />The vexed moral universe which the word walk raises in the mind of cricketers caused further agony for Fantasy Bob this week. Generally, FB feels that he inhabits the highest moral space. FB would always walk. Unless, of course, he doesn't. He finds that this is also the approach of Mike Brearley, who considers the issue in his recent volume Spirit of Cricket (a Christmas gift to FB from one of his handful of readers who no doubt hoped that it would keep him quiet for a while). <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfugV4AE8KJvDVI3Sn9mMfcm66fMrtFkcN0QEuP3LY_fvwzDXZ8aQVUgc6LfJMr-yeIz1yZRRljMOF3ICOXuSL0EekiZ2wqs021KHbbaTBx8x2wWzH2qETQyj745lKqTieAPkUS3McvDip/s400/54817448._UY400_SS400_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfugV4AE8KJvDVI3Sn9mMfcm66fMrtFkcN0QEuP3LY_fvwzDXZ8aQVUgc6LfJMr-yeIz1yZRRljMOF3ICOXuSL0EekiZ2wqs021KHbbaTBx8x2wWzH2qETQyj745lKqTieAPkUS3McvDip/s320/54817448._UY400_SS400_.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p>As might be expected, Brearley aspires to the highest moral principles, but he finds that the absolute can give way to circumstance. 'I confess I did not always walk, even in county cricket,' he writes. 'I still blush to remember those occasions.' Brearley offers no excuse for the examples he gives of his fall from grace. FB pleads only incompetence, <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4594530012918925567/200604092581607784">as he explained in a previous post</a>. But it is not good enough - memory of his moral turpitude comes to him from time to time in the long reaches of the night. He is rightly shamed and blushes with Brearley. </p><p>But if Brearley is not an example to follow, to whom can FB turn for moral example?</p><p>This dilemma forced itself across FB's mind this week as the media assaulted him with imperatives to walk like a penguin. Were penguins the example he sought? Limited as his knowledge of zoology is, FB had not previously been aware that a penguin having knowingly edged the ball will, under all circumstances, put their bat under their wing and waddle back to the Antarctic pavilion their head held high. He must have missed the David Attenborough programme which showed this behaviour. Penguins are clearly good eggs - which raised another uncomfortable dilemma in FB's fevered mind - which walks first, the penguin or the egg?</p><p>As frequently is the case it was Mrs FB who simplified the ever tightening circles of moral complexity in FB's mind. 'For goodness sake,' she said soothingly. 'It's got nothing to do with cricket. It's about walking on the icy pavements. You've got to do it like a penguin.' On which point she gave a demonstration. FB claimed even higher moral ground in maintaining a straight face as she waddled across the kitchen. </p><p>FB returned to Brearley and the ethics of the Mankad. But his concentration was disturbed.</p><p>He recalled similar difficulties a few years ago when he was encouraged to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nuhja7y4TM">Walk Like An Egyptian</a>. He did not think that Egyptians were particularly keen cricketers, but he was pleased that those who were should inhabit such a high moral plane. The earlier instruction to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzoIvwNqKpw">Walk Like A Man</a> may have made more sense, but is now inappropriate in these gender sensitive times.</p><p>And then it came to him. Bavuma. Walk like a Bavuma. During the First Test against Sri Lanka last week, the South African batsman in the had batted his way imperiously to the 70s when he played and missed, put his bat under his arm and walked off. To the bemusement of fielders, umpires and TV commentators whose replays showed he had missed the ball by a country mile. Obviously there had been too much chat about penguins in the dressing room. Lower team skippers take note.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYagTThkMdsY4kz7t3zZMCSmtIooWscxnJ0VEiHjQa3D9UP4TvYizat7IeRGkYHc3qA3kiygKJvtBDgRIb1CdwhKw0dDo2gInEila2yPJ8kC8WyyKSFutMOHR9H_wfWIQU7RNpjBmmzhve/s640/Temba-Bavuma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYagTThkMdsY4kz7t3zZMCSmtIooWscxnJ0VEiHjQa3D9UP4TvYizat7IeRGkYHc3qA3kiygKJvtBDgRIb1CdwhKw0dDo2gInEila2yPJ8kC8WyyKSFutMOHR9H_wfWIQU7RNpjBmmzhve/s320/Temba-Bavuma.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>By way of conclusion, her supporters among FB's handful of readers should be interested to learn that Mrs FB may have given an exemplary demonstration of walking on ice. But she has just invested in a set of crampons to attach to her boots. Walk like a penguin? No way. She's walking like a Sherpa.</p>fantasy bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13071236617768809320noreply@blogger.com5