Soul Limbo

Cricketers everywhere should be bowing their head in respect.  They should take a moment from their busy schedules and mourn the passing of someone special to the game.  The world of cricket is touched once again by mortality and Old Father Time has descended from the Pavilion at Lords to take another bright soul who has contributed much to game.

Not that this bright soul knew anything about cricket and he certainly never graced the turf at Lords.  It is unlikely that he which end of a cricket bat to hold.  Which doesn't matter a jot, because he knew which was the business end of a bass guitar.  And as bassist of Booker T and the MGs he provided the foundation sound for that great cricket classic Soul Limbo - BBC's cricket theme tune since the late 1960s.  Never bettered for its ability to evoke the game itself.

Donald Dunn was born in Memphis Tennessee, he was nicknamed Donald Duck by his Dad and while an able sportsman as a boy took up a musical career.  He joined Booker T in 1964.  Soul Limbo was issued in 1968, allegedly based on a song by a  Jamaican musician Byron Lee.  This gives it its Caribbean feel - although the steel drum sound is actually marimbas.  It was instant classic and remains as fresh as a new mown outfield to this day.  It rivals Mahler in FB's affections.

Dunn in 2007

Dunn also played on a whole host of major soul classics with definitive and iconic bass lines - including Midnight Hour by Wilson Pickett, Hold On I'm Comin' by Sam & Dave and Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding.  More recently he played as part of the Blues Brothers following the successful films.  Many songs many hits, but none as great as Soul Limbo,  even though when released as a single it only got to number 17 in the US charts and number 30 in the UK charts.


Booker T is still working, his most recent album was Road from Memphis was released in 2011 and won a Grammy Award.


FB is pleased to lead the thanks of all cricketers to Donald Duck Dunn for his contribution to the game.

Body Art

Making use of Cheerios

Fantasy Bob has long regarded his body as a temple. A ruined, decaying monument with its roof fallen in, its columns cracked and anything of value long since removed from the barren hillside on which it sits, perhaps; but a temple nonetheless.

It is only one step further to consider this temple as a work of art and FB has now found the inspiration for this important step.  The Australian Body Art Carnivale was held last weekend at Eumundi, about 40 miles north of Brisbane.  FB had never heard of this event, or indeed body art.  In any case he could not have entered this years in any event since he faced the compelling need to skipper the Carlton All Stars Fourth XI at a tricky away fixture last weekend.  However his appetite is now stimulated.

This annual event attracts 15000 spectators who see entrants paint and mould their own or models' bodies into strange creations.  The theme of this year's competition was Under the Sea and the winner was a mermaid design involving lots of blue and green paint and a face extensively decorated with the breakfast cereal Cheerios.

FB discovers that there is a wide range of body art activity with many different competitions and exhibitions all over the world.  He is unsure whether the rules require breakfast cereal as a mandatory part of any entry.  He would understand and sympathise if it were so.  But this world has opened up vistas of new possibilities for him.  He is therefore in urgent correspondence with the executive authorities at go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton to encourage them to combine with the organisers of next year's Carnivale to bring a body art event to the club's Grange Loan HQ with a cricketing theme.  Entries could represent anything to do with cricket from famous players to famous incidents.  Artists' imaginations could run wild.  FB is sure many inspiring works of body art would be guaranteed.  To stimulate the competition, FB is offering his own body for the use of any artist who will make creative use of empire biscuits.  

In contrast to many previous offers FB has made for the use of his body, which were unkindly disregarded, he expects keen competition for this commission.  Artists must supply their own empire biscuits. 

Security Issues

LRAD 

After careful consideration, go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton have decided not to follow the example set by London's Olympic authorities in installing the American-made Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD). This sonic equipment is being installed as part of the security arsenal to guard the games. FB understands that the LRAD is capable of producing deafening sound levels of 150 decibels. It can also used to send highly intelligible, multi-language messages, instructions and warnings over distances up to 3,000 metres. The US Army has previously used these devices in Iraq for crowd control and it is successfully used aboard ships to repel Somali pirates.  It will fit in well in East London.

A spokesman for the club said, 'We are as concerned about security issues the London Olympic organisers.  We recognise that this kind of device is a useful part of the armory.  We thought it might be useful in Carlton's highly charged security environment.  However when we tested it against the alternatives we had available, it was found wanting.'

The crack team of sonic researchers and security experts at Carlton's laboratories found the LRAD could not match the noise made by a team of under 11 cricketers appealing together for LBW.  These piercing screams could be heard at distances of over 4000 metres and was excruciatingly painful to the eardrums, being measured at slightly above 150 decibels and, in the view of the experts, would immediately quell any riot in the vicinity of Grange Loan.   

Two Concepts of Liberty

What would have been Sir Isaiah Berlin's view?

Isaiah Berlin

Fantasy Bob found himself contemplating this question earlier this week. Sir Isaiah Berlin. Berlin has often been described as the greatest mind of the 20th Century even though, as far as FB can ascertain, he never faced the supreme intellectual challenge of scoring a Fourth XI fixture while preparing to bat and engaging in conversation with 3 11 year olds immersed in Facebook and all eager to consume the last empire biscuit on the tea table.  He is perhaps best known for his essay Two Concepts of Liberty to which FB looked for some guidance.

In this essay Berlin argued for the need to distinguish analytically between, the two concepts of freedom "from," which Berlin derived from the British tradition, and freedom "to," which Berlin derived from Rousseau, and continental rationalist thought. Berlin points out that these two different conceptions of liberty can clash with each other and people get themselves in a terrible mix when they are not clear between the two - a condition much like FB facing leg spin bowling.

Bianca Jagger

FB's train of thought was prompted by reports of challenging behaviour at the Royal Opera House.  Bianca Jagger, not a cricketer, was apparently upbraided by a fellow member of the audience, most probably a cricketer, for taking photographs with a flash during a performance of Philip Glass's new opera Einstein in Egypt.  When fellow members of the audience, in all probability mostly cricketers,  objected, she did not politely acknowledge the error of her ways and return to a passive sedentary position. There were insults traded and suggestions of pushing.

There are 2 concepts of liberty operating here.  FB's position is clear.  He thinks taking photos during a theatrical or musical performance is wholly unacceptable, both to performers and the rest of the audience. But, sadly, audience behaviour everywhere is changing, whether due to unfamiliarity with Berlin's work or other reasons.  FB will not go to multi-plex cinema because of the slurping and chomping, the texting and chatting, the sickening smell of hot dog and pop corn.  The lounge Pullman seats mean nothing to him.  He would rather sit up and pay attention.  The fact that multi-plexes do not show films of any merit is another consideration, but the context of the modern audience is a significant factor.

Can Sir Isaiah help?

There are similar issues in watching cricket.  FB would contentedly watch cricket all day every day - he would be happy that near silence covered that period.  He might make a mumbled observation to a colleague addressing the issue of whether a bowling change was necessary or whether another fielder in the circle might make a difference.  He might clap his hands at some admirable piece of play.  A philosopher might agree that he should be free to do so.  FB he does not indulge in a continual noise-fest.  So it is, in FB's view, a miracle that there are not more murders at international cricket matches.  For, if FB were to take his seat and find in the row behind him that trumpeter who only knows the first 4 notes of only one tune, and that the Champion's League Theme, which he will then play non-stop for 8 hours, he might not be accountable for his actions.  Murder would seem to be the least retribution he could inflict.  If he were to find himself surrounded by young men all dressed as Elvis Presley who kept up a chant of Engerland, Engerland for 8 hours, mass slaughter might be the only outcome.  The veneer of civilisation seems to be that thin.  But would philosophers agree that FB should be free from such intrusions?

But here FB finds uncertain guidance in Berlin's essay.  FB might be asserting his wish to be free from the intrusions of others, such as Bianca Jagger, tuneless trumpeters or chanting Elvises.  However Bianca and the trumpeters and Elvises will quickly assert that their freedom to behave as they wish should be an equally important consideration.  There is a bit of difficulty translating these abstract concepts into action.  This may be why philosophers down the ages have not made great skippers, preferring to offer their observations from deep fine leg.

FB suspects that the modern world is a little too keen on the freedom to argument and could do with a bit more of the freedom from considerations being taken into account.  Regrettably Sir Isaiah Berlin is no longer here to advise us on what is appropriate and whether murder would be morally justified in the situations FB describes.  So FB does not know what to do.  Just like when he is playing leg spin bowling.

Rothko

Cricketers will wish to examine this painting carefully.  It should remind them of something.  If not, it is confirmation of the artist's failure.

It is by Russian American artist Mark Rothko. Yesterday it sold in New York for £53.8m, a record for a contemporary art work at auction.

Originally it was titled Sightscreen, and is one of long series of works in which Rothko tried to represent that standard bit of equipment seen at all cricket grounds.  He had a pretty good stab at the size - the painting is over 8ft tall, but there is something not quite right. Frankly, it is a bit on the orange side. Recognising it was a poor representation of the subject, he retitled the painting Orange, Red and Yellow.  Which shows the power of the artist's imagination.

No one really knows why Rothko became obsessed with the sightscreen but he made many attempts to paint them and did sightscreens in nearly every colour but white.  Ultimately this only confirmed his knowledge he had of cricket was rudimentary.

Nevertheless there are those who praise the spiritual properties of Rothko's attempts to paint the sightscreen.  They are seen as transcendant and beyond simple reproduction.  The tone and quality of the paint on the canvas is important to the total experience and, according to one prominent critic, being present in front of them will 'singe your retinas.'  Further evidence that as sightscreens the paintings are pretty useless, for facing pace bowling with singed retinas is not ideal.

Rothko painted this canvas in 1961, the same year that he visited his doctor complaining of blurry vision and apparitions of shadowy forms. That may or may not have been to do with the fact that he'd been living on alcohol for six weeks.   He took his own life in 1970, his knowlege of cricket rudimentary and his quest to paint the perfect sightscreen unfulfilled

Assassination

11 May 2012 is the 200th anniversary of the only assassination of a British Prime Minister.  It had nothing to do with cricket, but it has caused Fantasy Bob to speculate a bit about cricket and politicians.

Spencer Perceval
1762-1812

Spencer Perceval was shot in the lobby of the House of Commons by John Bellingham, an aggrieved merchant who believed he was entitled to compensation from the Government following a period of imprisonment in Russia.  Bellingham was tried on 15 May and hanged on 18 May.  Swift justice indeed - quicker than many LBW decisions in these days of endless referrals to the third umpire.

Prior to assuming the leadership of the Government, Perceval had been a prominent figure in securing the passage of the legislation to abolish the slave trade. His own administration is noted chiefly for the start of the Regency period following the second falling into madness of George III, and for the continuing war with France which brought considerable economic hardship to the country.

The war also had an impact on cricket. Man power was depleted and the number of First Class matches played and the overall investment in the game fell. In 1811 there was only one match played. During this period Thomas Lord moved his cricket ground to what is known as his Middle Ground, a small distance south of the present Lords which was opened in 1814. 

Douglas-Home
in the Eton-Harrow
match 1912

But Perceval was not a cricketer, although that is no reason in itself for him to be assassinated.  Indeed if it were, all British Prime Ministers would have ended up shot. All bar one - Sir Alec Douglas Home PM for 12 months between 1963 and 1964 is the only Prime Minister to have played First Class Cricket. Between 1924 and 1927 he played 10 first-class matches, for Oxford, Middlesex and MCC, scoring 147 runs at an average of 16.33 with a highest score of 37*. As a bowler he took 12 wickets at an average of 30.25 with a best of 3 for 43. Three of his first-class games were internationals against Argentina on the MCC representative tour of South America in 1926–27.  Douglas Home subsequently became President of the MCC and history judges him harshly for his ambivalent and vacillating stance during the D'Oliveira affair.

Maybe it is as well therefore that cricketing politicians are equally rare in other countries.  Frank Worrell,  the first black captain of the West Indies became a senator in Jamaica; and Joe Darling, Australia’s captain at the turn of the 20th century, sat for 25 years in the Tasmanian Legislative Council.  More recently Mohammad Azharuddin was elected to India’s parliament in 2009. In Sri Lanka, Arjuna Ranatunga is deputy minister for tourism and Sanath Jayasuriya became a member of parliament in 2010 following which he controversially returned to the Sri Lankan team in their ODI matches against England last year.

But the cricketer who may yet reach beyond all these is Imran Khan - supreme on the field of play and a born leader he continues to seek high office in Pakistan.

Armchair Cricket

The red box of Armchair Cricket has lain unopened on FB's shelf for many years. The blurb says, 'Captures all the excitement of the real game, whether Limited Overs, Test Matches, or knockabout Beer matches.'

All the excitement? Like all such claims, this requires to be taken with a pinch of salt.

On opening the box you come face to face with the scoresheets.  These do capture all the excitement of the real game - there are rows for the batters' scores, boxes for the overs, spaces for the extras and the fall of wickets and rows of numbers to cross off to keep the running score.  Just like the real thing. But one quarter of the size.

Apart from that brush with reality, Armchair Cricket is nothing like cricket.  It is a card game.  It has a simple basic premise: if you play a higher card than your opponent you score runs.  If you can't follow suit you lose a wicket.  But on that basic structure are laden rule upon rule - 15 pages of microscopic text all meant to reflect aspects of the real game.  So there is a no ball rule - which involves putting a match stick against a symbol in a little box to identify the suit that can't be played in that over.  There are tables which identify how wickets fall by reference to the suits of the cards that are played.  (The suits are specially cricket relevant balls, pads, stumps and so on).  There are variations for lower order batsman for fielding.  Extras have their own rules.  And so on.  And so on.  Cricket itself has 42 laws and these seem child's play compared to this.

Inside the box -
 all the excitement
of the real game

And therein lies the rub.  The blurb for Armchair Cricket says that 'however lucky a player may be at cards, the winner will normally be the more skillful exponent of the rules in relation to cricket tactics'.

FB found this claim open to question.  His most frequent opponent at Armchair Cricket was his late father-in-law.  Popski was Polish.  His knowledge of cricket was rudimentary.  He had played the game once, at the invitation of his workmates.  Coming proudly in to bat, he was dismissed instantly stumped.  He then argued till the cows came home that this could not be, since he had made no attempt to hit the ball.  The population of Poland may be no great shakes at cricket, but they are Test Match Quality when it comes to starting and sustaining an argument on any minor matter.  In the course of the examination of this incident, Popski's discourse reviewed the whole history of Poland, and the circumstances of Upper and Lower Silesia in the mid 19th Century in particular, were prayed in evidence of his position.  The course of the Warsaw Rising was surveyed in the minutest detail to throw light on the incident.  The views of the then Polish Pope were cited as authoritative on the ethics of stumping.

So you might have thought that when Popski and a cricket buff such as FB came to open the Armchair Cricket box and set out to seek all the excitement of the real game, the advantage would be FB's.  You might have thought.  But you would have failed to recognise that Popski played Bridge with a religious fervour, and was no less passionate about other card games.  FB's skill at cards begins and ends with SNAP.  

Besides his lack of card nous, FB also had to do the scoring. This was a major distraction requiring him to put down his hand of cards, totally forgetting what he was thinking of as his next move. Popski meanwhile had the next ball and the next over figured.  He would remind FB about the no ball rule, with no idea of  what a no ball was in life.  He always seemed to have that high card still in his hand when FB was sure that it had been played.  In fact he became a flat track bully - or whatever the cards equivalent is.  But Popski never quite assimilated the vocabulary of cricket. He kept asking what was trumps.  And when a wicket fell he would say he had taken a trick.

The scorecards are still in the box from FB and Popski's furious struggles with the game.  The teams are the usual mix of cricketers, celebrities and historical figures.  Popski and FB never got beyond the limited over format - somehow life seemed just too short to venture a full 2 innings Test match.  Sadly, Popski's innings was terminated 4 years ago since when Armchair Cricket has lain unopened until FB noticed it the other day.  Fond memories.

Armchair Cricket - FB's advice is to play it with a cricketer who likes scoring - under no circumstances play it with a card player.