April is the Cruellest Month

It is cruel.  The sun has been shining brightly for the last few days.  Cricketers on house arrest look longingly out.  They step out for their Government sanctioned walk to discover the wind is coming straight off the Arctic and it is seriously cold.  Like freezing.   They dash inside again to don several more layers. Five sweater weather. What more of a reminder could there be that the cricket season is on the point of starting?  Or would be.  Were things not as they are.  Doubly cruel.

Fantasy Bob reminds himself that in normal circumstances he would be shivering at nets tonight.  He would once again be perfecting his inability to play leg spin bowling by pitting his unrivaled technique against the latest in a long line of 11- year-olds developed by his club - the go-ahead Edinburgh outfit Carlton - expressly for the purpose of humiliating him in the nets.  FB assumes that this objective is written deep within the coach's contract, so dependable is the conveyor belt.

Grange Loan - ready and waiting

It is cruel to think that nets would have been underway for several weeks now, so FB's technique would be well-honed.  Granted, he would still miss the ball by a mile, but his technique would be well-honed.  The better honed his technique, the greater the distance between his bat and the ball.  It is an invariable law - maybe undiscovered by Isaac Newton, but with all the rigour of any of the laws of thermodynamics.  Without the thermo, given the temperature.  And not all that dynamic either in FB's case.  But still a law.

At least at batting practice FB can wear gloves, which slow the progress of frostbite in his fingers.  But there is no such comfort when fielding practice starts.  After a long close season it is always surprising to discover again how hard a cricket ball is, particularly when the coach blasts it from 3 yards.  Catching practice FB can just about do, although the risk of broken fingers - or fingers blue with cold snapping clean off - is huge.  But the ground fielding exercises pit players young enough to be his grandchildren against him.  It's amazing how well they do.  FB is not sure why he takes part in fielding practice, since he gave up fielding in matches a long time ago.

Lest you think that FB is not a fan of nets, he loves them.  Not the practicey bits, obviously, but having been stuck inside in an office all day, simply to be outside for a couple of hours is bliss.  And to come home smelling of the fresh air, is heaven.  Yes, missing net practice this year is cruel.