Keeping the Book

One of Fantasy Bob's handful of faithful readers - a threatened species if ever there was - suggested that he should do a piece about scorers.  For a moment FB puffed up his chest with pride.  The thought of requests.  He felt like Tony Blackburn who is forever reading out requests from listeners.  This could be the start of a new era.  He then came back down to earth, for his interlocutor went on, '...at least I'd stand a chance of understanding it, unlike all that other stuff you go on about.'

And FB recalled how for several years this reader had voluntarily undertaken scoring duties for various teams fielded by the go-ahead Edinburgh club Carlton.  It was always a comfort to FB when he saw her arrive at the ground, pencil case in hand, for it meant that he was relieved of one of the many responsibilities that  bear down on the shoulders of captains of lower level teams.

Top teams have officially designated scorers.  They may or may not have their own pencil cases, but they are given a special place in the club's structure.  They are actually required by regulation - and as far as FB understands even the present Prime Minister does not contemplate removing this piece of red tape as part of his withdrawal from the European Union.

But lower teams know no such luxury.  Instead the players have to take on the duty.  And the skipper has to persuade, cajole, bribe or command one of his team mates to do the book.  That is, if he has remembered to pack the thing along with the full panoply of his kit.  And if he has further remembered to pack a pen.  Not only a pen, but a pen with a nice small point.  And not only a pen with a nice small point, but a pen with a nice small point that actually writes.  There are many pages in the book of every lower team with unsightly holes violently scratched through the paper, where a frustrated would-be score has tried with mounting desperation to get the pen he has been handed actually to leave a trace of ink on the page.

Finding a scorer in a team composed of 7 juniors and 4 adults, such as it is regularly FB's privilege to lead, can be a challenge - and readers will swiftly recognise that this is a challenge times 2, because the opposition's book also requires to be kept.  Opposing teams also have a variable track record in bringing a usable pen, which ups to challenge even further.

The adults may not be readily available.  Not the least because half of them are dyscalculic.  The only vaguely numerate one will already have drawn the even shorter straw of umpiring.  It may pass muster in junior cricket but in senior cricket it is not done to umpire and score.  Far less bat and score.  Even if the likely adults are not actually batting, they will wave their gloved fists with an unconvincing apology on their face, 'Sorry skip, next man in, no can do.'

So the choice is invariably between a sample of juniors who all claim never to have scored before.  It is from this straw that FB must make bricks.

The junior with the coloured pens - a work of art

Even when the juniors are settled down with pen in hand and have an approximate idea of what they are meant to be doing, there are problems.  A young person's attention span can be found wanting - after 3 balls a pleading voice will ask, 'How long do I have to do this?'  This question will be regularly repeated.  Some will find even getting to 3 balls too much and will wander off in search of food, or pokemon, or both.  FB recalls a match where he was umpiring while his 2 adult team mates fought bravely for survival at the crease.  He looked back at the Pavilion to see his signal acknowledged only to to see the scorer's table empty as a enthusiastic game of one-hand-one-bounce was in process engrossing both putative scorers.

At the end of the innings the book will be a dog's breakfast of misshaped numbers, misspelled names, crossings out, multiple arrows switching batsmen and doodles.  Everything is approximate - even the result. FB dreads the call from his opposite number to check the books.  'There's only 37.4 overs here - there should be 40.'  'Oh yes,' says the novice scorer, 'I put the others on another page.'    FB good humouredly asks him which page.  The young face goes blank as he scans the 25 preceding matches in the book. 'Dunno.' he admits, then compounds things with another confession, 'Also the wides were on another sheet of paper but it blew away.'

In lower league cricket one of the great challenges facing the scorer is getting the names of the opposing players.  A bowling change will lead to the cry,  'Bowler's name?'  Inevitably the player who chooses to answer is stationed furthest from the scorer and has to shout against a gale force wind.  So this takes some time, until something approximate goes in the book.  Or not.  This can cause offence.  After several attempts the young scorer may simply give up and put in 'Fat bloke with big arse.'  Even when the name is successfully conveyed there is the challenge of spelling it.  In these days of happy diversity on the field that is not always simple.  FB used to play with a delightful chap called Hari Thaivalappil.  The scorer would ask,'How do you spell that?'  To be told, 'With a T'.

But every now and then there is a junior who loves scoring.  Who will come armed with multi-coloured pens, a ruler, a calculator and other paraphernalia.  He will even know what symbol to enter when a bye is signalled.   This may be a dying breed.  Nowadays there are apps which might simplify the challenges facing the lower league skipper - or present him with challenges of a different nature.  The incentive to learn proper scoring might therefore be less

While FB never quite got to the coloured pens level he has always enjoyed scoring.  When he was a young teenager, and should have been thinking about girls, he would spend Sunday afternoons actually scoring the John Player League matches which were a televised in their entirety.

Despite that misguided youth, FB is far from being the perfect scorer.  He has yet to find a pen that will work with his handwriting to the extent of allowing him to mark legibly a no ball with runs scored off it.  Getting all the totals to add up is also frequently a struggle as the bowlers never seem to give away as many runs as have been scored. 

As with most things to with cricket, there is always someone considerably more adept than he is.  Sometimes it is the junior with the coloured pens.  Sometimes it is the person who will become one of his long-standing and most faithful readers.

So far the two categories are mutually exclusive, but FB is grateful to them both.