Wednesday, 3 July 2013


Supreme executive authorities at go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton met yesterday to consider the emergency application from Edward Snowden for asylum at the club’s Grange Loan HQ.

Believed to be Edward Snowden
The minute of the discussion of this item has been hacked and made available to Fantasy Bob on an exclusive basis. Even ahead of the Guardian newspaper.  

The meeting discussed Mr Snowden’s application.  The meeting noted that Mr Snowden’s application to play as overseas amateur had been rejected by a number of clubs including Austria, Brazil, Finland, India, Ireland, Norway, Poland, Spain, and Switzerland.  His present whereabouts were uncertain but believed to be in Moscow airport.

A number of points were raised.
  • Clarification was sought as to whether Mr Snowden was really former New Zealand Test skipper Daniel Vettori was necessary. Photographic evidence seemed conclusive and no one had seen them in the same airport together.   However the CIA had declined to comment on this issue.
  • Mr Snowden had not given any information as to his averages from recent seasons, and it was unclear what kind of bowling action whistlebowling was. Eminent cricketing authority Vladimir Putin had suggested that Mr Snowden had leaked runs, amongst other things, in recent matches.
  • The club already had registered an overseas amateur for the season. However Cricket Scotland League rules were silent on the status of fugitives. Further guidance would have to be sought from Cricket Scotland on this matter. A view was expressed that this might not be forthcoming before the cows came home. Mr Putin was suggested as an alternative source of authoritative advice.
  • Mr Snowden’s application said that he would not venture outside Grange Loan since he would be vulnerable to arrest. This would limit Mr Snowden’s availability for away matches.  
  • The Secretary was asked to establish whether Carlton had a current extradition agreement with the USA and the implication of this for Mr Snowden’s availability.  
  • The Doughty Groundsman had expressed the view that while at various times of year leaf blowing was helpful, his experience suggested that whistle blowing was of limited value in ground maintenance.  
  • The club did not have a general policy on asylum seekers. Although it had taken Fantasy Bob into its protection, this was for exceptional humanitarian reasons and could not be taken as a general precedent. 
  • There was a concern that this discussion was being bugged by a number of agencies including NSA, CIA, GCHQ, ESCA, Cricket Scotland and others.
A decision was deferred.

Believed to be Daniel Vettori


  1. I would just like to point out that FB bears no resemblance to the President of Bolivia and on no account should his vehicle be stopped and searched in the hunt for Mr Snowden (or Daniel Vettori).

  2. Indeed FB bears no resemblance to anyone, living or dead or even himself.