Crimes Against Cricket

Fantasy Bob supposes that few of his readers will have heard of Ms Maria Chiappini.  Is she the latest singing sensation? - they will think.  Has she wowed La Scala with her Tosca?   Is she the darling of the Met with her sparkling Susanna?

But Ms Chiappini's claim to fame is higher and in another direction.  For Ms C is the first person in British judicial history to be arrested for crimes against cricket.

Bearstead Green and house

Ms C resides in a large house beside Bearstead Village Green, home of Bearstead CC and where cricket has been played since 1749.  She has remonstrated with the club over a number of years about balls being struck into her property.  Now it appears to FB there are a number of steps she might have taken faced with this inconvenience - first might have been to recognise the possibility of this eventuality when she bought the property in question.  But a more positive move might have been to assist the club by offering to support a bowling coach so that its bowlers were less frequently smashed into her garden.  But for whatever reason she has not chosen either of these routes but seems intent on stoppping the playing of cricket on the green.

After a season of festering resentment she finally snapped in August and chose to interrupt the match in progress.  So vehement was her interruption that she was arrested by a couple of policemen who happened to be players.  She was subsequently fined for crimes against cricket in the form of public disorder and verbal abuse.  She has lodged an appeal.

As part of the procssing, a DNA sample was taken and intensive investigation will be carried out to determine whether the cricket hating gene can be identified.   It is suspected that this gene has long affected the behaviour of various minorities in the population including BBC TV programmers, Scottish MSPs, summer football campaigners and various other deviant sects.  If the gene can be identified the possibility of suitable screening and treatment can be developed. 

Crime against cricket is a relatively new offence on the statute book for which the Government should be applauded.   It is certainly more useful a law than most that are dreamt up these days.   FB has yet to establish whether the law also applies in Scotland - he suspects that a major new prison building programme has to be completed before it can be introduced.