That's amore

It has to be acknowledged that Dean Martin was no cricketer.  The smooth crooner of the celebrated ratpack may not have amounted to much with ball or with bat.  His talents lay elsewhere.

However if he was familiar with nothing else about the great game, he had observed the challenges faced by the maturing cricketer as the memories of quick singles, sliding stops and flat throws from the boundary fade.  This is apparent from the original version of one of his most popular easy listening hits.

American record producers found the original lyric not to their liking and quickly substituted some sentimental tosh about moons and pizza.  But Fantasy Bob's researches have unearthed the original.

When you've pain in the knees

As you pound to the crease

That's arthritis

You'd turn your arm o'er

But it's too bloody sore

That's arthritis

When your spinal discs slip

And your hips give you gyp

That's bursitis

When you creak to bend down

For the ball on the ground

That's arthritis

Your ankle joint hurts

But your shoulder's much worse

Tendonitis

A quick single's a joke

And you'll need a long soak with Radox

You can just about walk but watch for phlebitis

'Scusami, but you see

Back in old Napoli, that's arthritis