Saturday, 30 November 2013


Fantasy Bob has just completed a questionnaire type thing, organised by the estimable Scottish Book Trust as part of  Book Week Scotland, which identifies which fictional character he most resembles.

There are of course many in his dwindling handful of worldwide readers who will contend that FB is already a fictional character, so the whole exercise is pointless. (As indeed is the case with most of FB's endeavours, they may add under their breath.)

The questionnaire was obviously defective since none of the questions related to cricket.  Nevertheless FB dutifully soldiered on and presented his answers.  He sat back in quiet expectation that he would be identified as that dashing romantic hero at whose feet women swooned.

The computer whirred and gurgled and eventually spat out its determination. The result took FB by surprise.

For FB's fictional alter ego may not be wholly human, having elven blood in his veins. He is also described as being 88 years old (but still capable of stirring deeds such as bowling a full spell up the hill against the wind).

FB's literary alter ego is Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. FB has to confess to some disappointment for he is not a Tolkein fan - although he read The Lord of The Rings from cover to cover at the time in life when that was the required thing to do, he found the experience not unlike facing leg spin bowling - unreadable and a trial of hope over experience.   Nor has he seen the overlong movie trilogy, in which Aragorn was played by Mrs FB's heart-throb Viggo Mortensen.   So he doesn't really know too much about Aragorn.

Viggo Mortensen in the role of Fantasy Bob
Again the computer came to his aid telling him why it made its decision:

With your decisive and fast-paced approach, you are an asset to any team or rabble of hobbits. Your personality is quite unique with your rare blend of self-drive, assertiveness, confidence and competitiveness.

Like Aragorn, your ability to see the big picture and strategise while directing and motivating others make you a natural leader even if you don’t feel ready for it. At your worst you may judge others harshly and not consider the emotional impact of your decisions, but your slighted followers will soon feel inspired again by your actions.

Just the qualities needed to skipper the Carlton All Stars 4th XI.........except for the fast paced bit, obviously.

In one or other of the parts of the trilogy Aragorn says as his forces storm the Black Gates of something or other:

My brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come, when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship. An hour of wolves, and shattered shields, when the Age of men comes crashing down. But it is not this day, this day, we fight!

It is well known that these words were stolen from a bootleg recording of FB's pre-match exhortations to his All Stars team.

Find the questionnaire on Scottish Book Trust's Website.

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