Sunday, 5 October 2014


Fantasy Bob enjoyed - and he uses the world loosely, rather in the sense that a heretic in 15th Century Spain might have been said to have enjoyed the services provided by the Spanish Inquisition - his now annual visit to the golf links this week.

Bunkers left lying around
Time was when FB's visits to the links were twice weekly.  On occasion those visits to the links would even involve a visit to the fairway.

No holiday in Scotland was complete unless FB energetically visited a course close by and undertook a charitable redistribution of golf balls by leaving them in the bushes where the local poor could find them.

It took many years until he finally concluded that hope was not going to triumph over experience, and FB became well and truly scunnered with golf.

So this week his expectations were low as he set off with playing partners.  No Ryder Cup  inspired excitement excited his walk to the place of execution.  Even that pessimistic assessment proved to be optimistic.

His first drive found a fairway bunker, so the tone was set early on.  Indeed bunkers seem to have been left lying around this course in a most careless fashion - the designer evidently benefitted from an end of season sale of bunkers at his local IKEA and just left his burgeoning stock any old where.  FB's visits to the sand were therefore more frequent than on many of his beach holidays.

Scunnered became too polite a word to describe his condition as he attempted yet another excavation from the sand.

However his round (if such a shapeless and ill formed experience can be so described) was remarkable for one factor.  He kept his ball from the first tee to the 18th green.  This is a fact worthy of headline news.  It may never have happened before.

FB's treasure trove - useless
But FB found himself wondering if it this achievement was worth the effort.  Did it have any point?

For deep in FB's hall cupboard is a collection of golf balls that would excite the envy of millions. Two full show boxes and more - garnered from FB's many visits to the rough during his years of obsession.  Occasionally thery overflow and roll into the shoes and boots that also inhabit the cupboard, but not in such great numbers.

This is to the irritation of Mrs FB, who does not enjoy stubbing her toe on a Titleist NXT Tour.  FB's assurance that its soft balata cover gives maximum feel does not impress her.  Through gritted teeth she remarks,

'You should do something with your balls. Before I do it for you'


  1. So pleased to hear that FB finally made it round without mishap. Just sorry to have missed it on Sky Sports