There is a long and complicated tale behind this story, which FB needn't dwell on here. The tale did not seem to shed any light on his assumption that the sender must be a lower league cricketer. FB cannot see how it could be otherwise. For 'somewhere' is a word much used in lower league cricket. Used to the point of exhaustion in fact. As a long serving skipper in lower league cricket FB has heard it used more times than he cares to remember. He wakes in the middle of the night with it ringing in his ears.
He will bring a bowler on. Generally in lower league cricket most bowlers are quite proficient in placing 3 or 4 members of the field. They know they need a wicket keeper. Their sense of self worth demands that they have a slip, even though the last time they took a wicket through finding the edge was when the Gillette Cup was still a thing. They will have heard of cover because that was where Jonty Rhodes fielded, but after that things get a little vaguer.
FB will try a little coaxing, 'And where do you fancy putting Ben?'
'Um...' and with a broad sweep of his arm his bowler will mumble, 'somewhere over there.'
And thus it goes on until as the sun begins to descend, all the fielders are in position - somewhere.
There are variations on this. The bowler might think he is helping in suggesting a fielder is placed, 'Somewhere square, long, fine leggish.' priding himself on his grasp of cricketing terminology but unaware that the precision of his statement is deceptive, covering as does around 500 square yards of vacant territory.
'Somewhere - there.' seems even more precise, until it is realised that the bowler is facing in the opposite direction with head down, feverishly scratching his mark. He is now tired of this exercise and wishes to substitute anywhere for somewhere. It probably makes little difference
Looking up at the fielders, all now somewhere, FB may feel a bit of fine adjustment is called for and will consult his bowler again. 'And what line will you be bowling?' 'Um....somewhere ....off peg.....leg stumpish.....kind of thing .. Definitely..... somewhere there...... Somewhere..... Yes.' The bowler responds with confidence.
It is not much better batting. FB will come to the crease. Wickets have fallen quickly. He needs to shore things up. Any intelligence is helpful. 'What length is he bowling then,' he asks, bringing his batting partner back to the humdrum world from the dreamland he has spent the last 10 minutes in.
He vaguely recognises his skipper and gathers his wits, 'Eh? Oh?' and with a vague gesture with his bat he will say, 'Somewhere.... kind of there....somewhere.'
Compared to this, 'Somewhere in Sheffield' has exactitude. On reflection therefore, FB has revised his assumption. Such exactitude means that no lower league cricketer could have sent the package
Ian Chappell, commentating on a South Africa/Australia match, once declared that two-thirds of the Earth was covered by water and the rest by Jonty Rhodes. Without players of such quality, setting a suitable field is, as FB knows, one of the game's great challenges. I have full confidence in his ability to decode all those Somewheres successfully. In instances of failure, he can always blame the bowler.
ReplyDeleteYour confidence is misplaced - sometimes FB agrees with the bowler somewhere is as good as anywhere for many fielders.
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