Thursday 30 April 2020

Restarting Sport

It would appear that Fantasy Bob's intelligence gathering has failed him - the apparent suggestion in his post of 2 days ago that the Hundred would proceed was Fake News.  The powers-that-be have announced today that it will not go ahead this season at all.  The statement does not say that FB's intervention was the deciding factor.  Mind you, neither does it say that it wasn't. 

Whether any cricket will proceed is a matter of continuing discussion.  FB notes that the Government has convened a committee to consider how sport might be safely restarted.  The focus seems to be on high level events and how they could be organised behind close doors with rigorous testing regimes.  For himself FB has not felt the absence of football a particular hardship, indeed it is one of the great benefits of lockdown, and he would view the re-emergence of the game in the summer months with some concern.  Would it ever depart in future summers and what would that mean for cricket?  But beyond the elite level, there seems little consideration as to how lower level sport could restart and that presents all manner of challenges. These are issues for greater minds than FB's to ponder.

FB notes that some consideration is being given as to whether golf might be released from the strict controls.  This does not surprise him.  For his experience of golf is that it conforms to all the requirements of social distance. 


At one time FB was keen on golf and used to play a few holes by himself of a morning or an evening and these were fully compliant with social distance rules.  Face covering would of course have added an extra level of safety but was not strictly necessary.  Even when companions were misguided enough to play with him, these rules were not at risk of being infringed.  The average fairway is perhaps 60 yards wide.  Since FB's  invariably proceeded up the rough on the far side of the fairway next to the fairway that he should be playing on, this means that he was well beyond the strict 2 metre criterion.  Indeed most of FB's golfing time was spent in the wilderness of the deep rough where he could safely stay for days without encountering even at 2 metre distance another human being.  Even face covering was superfluous.

FB recalls one tournament he played in when he topped the ball which skimmed at 6 inches above ground to hit the tee box at the forward tee and ended up 10 yards behind his starting position.  Thus he walked in precisely the opposite direction to his companions.  Social distance prevailed, since his playing partners were not keen to let him catch up. 

But this is not the most embarrassing of FB's many embarrassments on the golf course.  Many years ago when still a student in Aberdeen he got it into his head that he would play golf.  There is no explanation for this.  So he ransacked the cupboards and found a set of clubs of various ages including a couple with hickory shafts and an old canvas bag.  Duly armed, he made his way to Hazlehead Golf Course, paid his dues and took his place in the queue at the first tee. 

As was golfing fashion in those days his co-waiters had brightly checked trousers of various luminous colours.  FB was dowdiness itself.   They might have guessed what was coming.  His turn came.  He placed his ball carefully.  Looked up the fairway to the distant flag.  Waggled his club like he'd seen them do on the TV.  Took what he was sure was a graceful and athletic swing.  Looking up, he could not see his ball flying unerringly to the green.  Looking down, he was surprised to see it unmoved.  He'd missed.  There was a slight sucking of teeth from the other golfers behind.  FB smiled ruefully (there being no other way to smile in such circumstances).  He went through his routine again.  Looking up....well you know that bit.  Looking down, that bit too.  He'd missed again.  The sucking of teeth was louder.  FB's smile went up a notch in the ruefulness scale.  A third attempt - which FB thinks in retrospect might have been his most elegant swing.  But it produced the same result.   A voice from behind him said, 'Keep goin' loon - ye wis quite near it that time.....'  If only face covering had been available in those bygone years.

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