Bolshoi CC

Things are not well at go ahead Moscow cricket club Bolshoi CC. 

Troubled Bolshoi paceman at end of run up

Thanks to exceptional atmospheric conditions during the week, Fantasy Bob’s state of the art communications system, ie his telephone, intercepted the transmission from an eavesdropping device at the club’s Moscow HQ during a recent Committee meeting.

Hey guys.  The season is only weeks away and we are in big trouble. 

Why?  Is doughty groundsman moaning about wicket being wetter than Swan Lake?

Niet niet, is worse.  We need new skipper.

What?

Skipper has been attacked and is blind.  No way he can do his grand jette this season.

What happen to bone headed skipper?

You know big fast bowler Pavel Dmitrichenko. 

Da – he bowl me waist high beamer last year in nets - 100mph straight at crown jewels – he laugh and say it his nutcracker.

Da - that’s the man. Big pain in the giselles. He mad as Rasputin at having to bowl up the hill against the wind all season. He also mad that he bat number 11 every match. Think skipper has it in for him.  Have a couple too many vodkas one night, gets his tutus in right twist and decide to do something.

Give skipper a few short ones?

Worse than that.  He say he hire someone to sort him out.  Go on e-bay to get hitman to bowl him a few leg breaks.  Make him look like monkey in pas de deux.

Da, da skipper bloody hopeless against leg spin.  Gets his plié all in wrong place.

Things go arabesque over entrechat  – hit man take idea of leg break literally – turn up with baseball bat. 

Big lump of horsemeat now say he say not what is wanted but hit man is no sugar plum fairy and gets going with the sulphuric acid.  So skipper need miracle surgery on eyes and not available this season.

But he’ll be OK for umpiring.

 

Da - of course.