Food Science Reaches New Heights

There was intense interest in the demonstration earlier this week of a burger made from meat grown in a laboratory from stem cells extracted from cow muscle tissue. Scientists claim could be the answer to meeting the world's growing demand for meat protein.

The demonstration did not go unnoticed in the world famous nutritional research laboratories of go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton. For scientists at these laboratories are about to unveil an even more radical approach to meeting the world's food needs.

They reckon that the laboratory grown empire biscuit could put an end to hunger at cricket teas forever. 

The Post-Imperial Biscuit, dubbed by some clever dick the Frankenpiece, has been made by cultivating stem cells from an original empire biscuit in a specially derived mixture of nutrients. Since none of those nutrients are wasted on bones or tails or other inedible unbiscuity bits, this is a more efficient way to grow empire biscuits. It produces 96% fewer greenhouse gas emissions and requires 99% less land than the conventional product.

A spokesman for the club said, 'The basic process is now well understood, but perfecting the genetically complex jelly tot on the top has taken many years of careful experimentation. Scientists were making slow progress because Fantasy Bob kept eating the samples before they had grown big enough. They lost count of the number of times they had to change the locks to protect their ground breaking work.'

The development was welcomed by pressure group People for the Ethical Treatment of Biscuits who said: 'This will spell the end of the inhumane factory farming practices and lorries full of terrified biscuits being taken to abattoirs. All cricketers should welcome this important development.'

Fantasy Bob was unable to comment since his mouth was stuffed with biscuit.

Empire biscuits growing under laboratory conditions