Pippa's Cricket Tea

'It’s a bit startling to achieve global recognition (if that’s the right word) before the age of thirty, on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom.’
So writes Pippa Middleton in introducing her literary masterpiece Celebrate which has recently been published to great acclaim. Fantasy Bob cannot disagree with her. He has found it hard to come to terms with global recognition himself, though none of that recognition is attributable to his bottom.

FB has fingered the volume in the bookshops and very handsome it is too. He has noted the extensive guidance on Halloween parties and Burns Suppers and all other festivities. However he is shocked that for some unaccountable reason Ms Middleton’s publishers saw fit to exclude from the book her wisdom on that most important festivity of all - the cricket tea. FB has resorted to underhand methods to obtain her discarded text from the waste basket and in a spirit of public service shares it with his readers.

I have found that cricketers enjoy eating things when they come in from the pitch for tea. It is therefore a jolly good idea to have some things ready. You can put them on a table.

Sandwiches are a super invention, invented by some super inventor a long time ago and my family remember having them on more than one occasion. It is a super idea to make them with bread. Two slices is usually enough for each sandwich. Just lay a slice of bread beside another. Put something like a bit of cheese or meat on one of them. You can get that from a shop – lots of shops have this kind of stuff. Then - here’s the tricky bit. Take the other slice of bread and put it on top of the other one. The effect is magical!  It’s really awfully clever. And if you are very very clever you can cut them into triangles. It’s great fun.

You can think of having cakes too. They are lots of super fun. And nowadays it is so easy to find them. There are shops that sell them. I have found that they generally taste better when you take them out of the box. If you are feeling very brave and clever you can get a big cake and cut it into a number of bits called slices. So more than one cricketer can have it. I think we all know cricketers who would take the whole cake if it was not cut into slices. So you may want to prepare a day in advance for this.

Cricketers at tea can be a solemn bunch. Sometimes they need livening up with a few party games. I have found that a few rounds of musical statues can prepare them for their session in the field.